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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to want an old friend to stay at our house next week?

8 replies

Flllight · 18/06/2008 20:20

He's lovely and I've known him since I was 15 - we are close in a way and always wonder if we will get together one day, but never really have.
He ha been living away for almost two years but is coming here for his sister's wedding at the weekend.

He's never met my baby but gets on well with Ds1.
He has asked to stay here for 4 nights, to 'give it a try' as we had previously talked about commitment and actually doing some normal 'dating' to see if it works.

But...me and the boys are moving house the week after, and the house is chaos - full of boxes and dismantled furniture. We are finding it hard to live in ourselves, let alone with a guest. I am looking forward to seeing him but can't believe he can be so insensitive to ask to stay when we are in the middle of this.
For a start I think it would shock the children, as nobody stays the night here and some hulking great bloke is really going to freak them out a bit or just confuse them at best. Me and him are not in a relationship - yet, anyway, and it'll take a long time to establish if he already has no idea what kids need. (security, no strange visitors etc when they are moving house)

I texted him to say, please could he stay with another friend (he has loads here) as I don't want to confuse the children and also we haven't a spare inch let alone bed. I think he wanted to get close as it were, as well - nope!! Not this week!! I am stressed to the hilt.
Anyway he said don't panic, he has organised something else. Then no more texts.

I feel pissed off that he can be so cold about it, as if I have been rude. He clearly has no idea about how difficult it would be.

I feel sad that he can't be more understanding, and really am doubting that we could ever make a go of it.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 18/06/2008 20:22

YANBU. "give it a try" should involve wining/dining/cinema, not him getting his legover in your house!

Flllight · 18/06/2008 20:33

Yes. Quite!

He said a while ago that he would be happy to wait for ages before we had sex, but in a way it is worse if he is just asking to stay here because he needs a bed! He is odd like that - has lots of friends everywhere, but gets them to pay for his train tickets to visit them sometimes? Is that odd or is it just me?
Many of them are girls as well. He adores women, in general, and I don't really feel like I am that special - just another girl to write comics about (we are all in his comics.)

I dunno. Blokes who try too hard and enjoy you having PMT worry me a bit

OP posts:
Flashman · 18/06/2008 20:37

Why would you keep sending texts if the position has been made clear - unless he texts you every day about other stuff??

Flllight · 18/06/2008 20:44

He does text quite a lot. I just felt from his answer that he was sulking

Why doesn't he get it? I guess because he has not got children himself.

OP posts:
sparklesandnowinefor4months · 18/06/2008 20:51

why don't you call and talk to him instead of texting, imo its quite inpersonal for some things that may need to be discussed to get your feelings across properly

and no i don't think you should let him stay the 4 nights when your moving and your DC don't really know who he is, but by all means meet up with him if you want to if he's serious about having a relationship with you he'll want to do everything as slowly as you need him to

hope it works out

2point4kids · 18/06/2008 21:10

Did you explain to him clearly why it would be too much to have him stay? If so and he is sulking then he is an arse and you are well rid!

If you texted a brief explanatiion then perhaps it came across different written down and he may think that you were being arsey with him??

Call him and clear the air. Start by saying I'm really sorry I couldnt say yes to you staying but things are so crazy right now and explain properly.. see what he says back and guage things going forward by his reaction.

rookiemater · 18/06/2008 21:24

Agree with sparkles, texting is no way to move this forward. But from your second post tbh, it doesn't sound like a great potential relationship for you.

This is the courtship period fgs, when the bloke should see you dressed up to the nines talking about your favourite movie, not using your place as a doss house, running your conversations through texting and getting under your feet at a difficult time.

YANBu your instinct is correct. I think for your own piece of mind you need to meet up with this guy, but if he is keen he will book a Travellodge. However without having met you I believe you are worth more than this, do some internet dating go out and have fun and meet different blokes. It sounds to me like you are trying to make this work because you feel you don't have any other options which I am sure isn't the case.

Flllight · 19/06/2008 19:36

Thanks so much for all your thoughtful advice.

I think I'll wait till he is here and speak face to face. It'll be good to see him anyway. SMs is rubbish, I hate texting

Will report back...

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