I can’t do this anymore please help me

[Icantdothtj]

I just can’t do it. Single parent to ds 3. Ex is involved but not consistent, priorities work etc. Have had loads of conversations with him, nothing changes.

Ds won’t go to nursery. I’m late for work massively and luckily have a great boss but I am not coping anymore. I’m so unhappy. This morning I’ve been hit, screamed at, told he won’t get shoes on, tried to pick him up but he’s massive and I’m not that strong.

It’s just awful. He will say sorry afterwards and he’s a really calm child most of the time. Very well behaved. No SEN. The problem is 100% me as I know this is toddler stuff and normal but I just can’t deal with it. I feel like I hate him when he’s like this. I just want to cry. This morning I’ve given up and on mumsbet hiding away as I’m so late for work now I may as well give up. Ds just playing and ignoring me. I’m so unhappy

If he really.isnt SEN it may just be that his.nursery is a bad fit for him. And or hes tired
Do you have the Bank.Hol.off?
Can you call.the HV - some are good, not all.
Sounds like bribes and choices may be needed rather than force too
Breathe,calm yourself, drink that coffee, invoke your childcare leave if you have it.

@Shouldbedoing he usually likes nursery I don’t think it’s that thank you for replying

Might he be coming down with something or be in pain.
Try again in twenty mins and see how it goes

I didn't know my son was autistic until he was older.

I remember some tricky drop offs. It was getting dressed that was the issue. I took him still in PJ's once or twice..

It will pass. It will get easier.

I'm not sure if I have any practical suggestions.

Perhaps get up earlier and start a countdown so he doesn't feel rushed? I've never done it but the sticker charts and rewards perhaps?

And when you go back to him wipe the slate clean, don’t drag previous stuff into it. Fresh face, fresh smile and pretend earlier didn’t happen.

Would he be better with a childminder? Are you up for a bit of bribery to break the habit (worked for us with potty training)? Not stars but something concrete that he can visualise. Good luck 💐

We’ve had this with both our DCs (one referred for ASD and ADHD diagnosis, and one likely NT). On occasion I just picked them up and bundled them into the car in pajamas, put their clothes and shoes in a bag and got them changed when we got to nursery.

Is he open to bribery? My NT 4 year old became a school refuser and the way we got over it was by a sticker chart. He chose the reward that he wanted at the end of the week. Took three weeks for him to go in normally again but he got a Sunday swim with daddy, some lego (cheap set) and the toy electric car out of our shed for a some free play in the garden. The reason we found to why he didn't want to go to school was because he didn't want to sit on his mat in a circle because it was boring....

My DD went through a stage like this - it will pass!!

I found me sorting everything out in the evening and having an early night myself really helped.

I would wake up extra early to get myself ready and then wake my DD up early so we weren’t rushing around.

The more stressed/rushed I was, the more she’d play up.

Does he have an iPad or anything that he plays on?
Have you tried telling him he can only use it once he’s ready and eaten his breakfast?

Could you make a game out of who can get to the door the fastest?

I would absolutely do this if you need to.

I’m sure the nursery staff have seen it all before.

I do sympathise, been there, done that? Could you let him go in his slippers if the nursery doesn't mind and it helps make things a little easier?