Page 2 | AIBU to think people have become less caring and understanding?

DoomAndGloomScroller · 2026-04-02T07:48:40+00:00

AIBU to think that most everyday people now are just selfish and just don’t care about other people? Obviously some do, but most don’t. I’ve had a really shitty 6 months. I’ve had ill relatives, another close relative died and it has really taken its toll on me. As a result I’ve had to step back from a couple of things. Instead of giving me a bit of slack, or a bit of compassion, it’s come over as inconvenient to them. There’s actually a Wellbeing Manager heading up the push back on me brigade, who is always claiming they have nothing to do. How about asking me if I’m ok? You know that I’ve had a bad time, and I’ve asked for help and not recieved any. The other day I saw someone I worked with, and spent 5 mins talking to them, and again they know I’ve been out of action for a bit, but didn’t ask me anything about how it’s going. I’m just surprised, upset, annoyed at some people’s reaction to me saying I’m not available to do some things, and the lack of support and empathy. Personally, I really care about the wellbeing of others, and even if I don’t know them well, if I hear something’s going on in their life, I’ll give them a few warm words. I feel like from now on I’ll just focus on myself and no longer care what anyone thinks, and be unavailable.

27pilates · 02/04/2026 10:35

@finestmushroomand equally, when something traumatic has happened for e.g. the OP’s last 6 months, someone confirming that actually, you know what, you have had a really difficult time, is also very helpful to some people.

I’m not ‘agreeing that everyone in the world is uncaring and selfish’, as that’s just silly and I definitely didn’t say that at any point.

My point is, gauge your audience, try to tune in to the other person’s emotional state and don’t just be direct / challenge someone who can be struggling.
AIBU definitely not the place for this opening post.

DreamyJade · 02/04/2026 10:36

I completely agree with you, OP. You only need to look at newspaper articles online about people dying in sunken migrant boats and the predominant reaction is the ‘laugh’ emoji.

There was a thread on here about a woman who was pissed off that an obviously lonely old man kept trying to make conversation with her in her local coffee shop. The majority of commenters told her that she shouldn’t chat to him, she owes him nothing, and made horrible assumptions. So many people are just selfish and downright nasty these days.

I’ve recently been diagnosed with a very serious medical condition. I told my brother in a text a couple of weeks ago and he arranged to come and visit me yesterday. He was having a very minor ‘crisis’ over something and nothing. From the moment he arrived until he left he was banging on about his situation and didn’t once ask how I was, or my treatment or prognosis. Not once.

I keep myself sane by telling myself that we’re surrounded by good people who are keeping quiet, and the nasty people are more vocal so we notice them more. But I’m beginning to wonder if that’s a delusion.

Greymatterwriter · 02/04/2026 10:38

Twas ever thus @DoomAndGloomScroller but you do feel it when you are in the thick of really horrible life circumstances as you have been. I’m really sorry that you are struggling at the moment.

I find that volunteering and a fabulous writing group I’m in is where I get to see an awful lot of the other side of humanity because that is there in spades too.

People can be really thoughtless and selfish but they can be really good too. Weirdly it is the same people who can be both uncaring and selfless even on the same day. It is particularly hard when life has been raining down on you.

finestmushroom · 02/04/2026 10:39

@27pilates

Yes that is true but I also know how damaging it can be to engage in negative thinking patterns and using one interaction with a work colleague to make assumptions about everyone can easily take you down a path of depression. When you start thinking literally noone cares at all then it's a very slippery slope to "what's the point" etc.

I agree it needs to be done sensitively but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be challenged. Harmful thoughts that come from your own brain should be challenged.

GreyCarpet · 02/04/2026 10:52

There was a thread on here about a woman who was pissed off that an obviously lonely old man kept trying to make conversation with her in her local coffee shop. The majority of commenters told her that she shouldn’t chat to him, she owes him nothing, and made horrible assumptions. So many people are just selfish and downright nasty these days.

Actually, for clarity, the man wasn't trying to make conversation with her at all. From her own words, he looked up when anyone walked in the shop and she inferred that he was lonely from that and by the look in his eyes and she regularly approached him to start conversations and ask him questions.

She was posting because she didn't like the content of his answers and the fact he offloaded on her, which was fair enough, tbh. They're strangers.

All most posters did was point out that he wasn't approaching her and, if she didn't want to talk to him, she just needed to stop asking him questions about himself.

Most people weren't nasty about him just bemused that she couldn't see that the problem was both created and easily resolved by her.

jacks11 · 02/04/2026 11:31

GreyCarpet · 02/04/2026 09:59

Your haven't given specifics so I'm just going to respond generally.

Most people I know have something going on. Just thinking of one group of women I'm friends with who range in age from 30-60.

In the mix we have - young adult children who still require support and are facing difficulties through no fault of their own; chronic illness; menopause; family ill health; bereavement; difficulties at work; being single and having to manage rising prices alone. There is not one of us in a group of 7 who is not experiencing one or more of the above.

So the first explanation might be that the people you are expecting support from might be experiencing their own difficulties and not able to give that.

Some of the above will mention their worries in passing, others rarely mention them to the point where others forget they're dealing with it and so forget to ask; some are competely (and understandably) consumed by them.

As a result I’ve had to step back from a couple of things. Instead of giving me a bit of slack, or a bit of compassion, it’s come over as inconvenient to them.

That is often because giving someone else a bit of slack often means other people have to pick it up and, as much as they might care, their thoughts will turn to how they are going to manage the increased expectation on them (because the expectation doesn't reduce, it just transfers) when they are already struggling themselves.

And some people's expectations of others varies. Some people would rather not dwell on things and would rather other people didn't ask. They'd rather spend time with other people positively and have a break from their worries for a while. Other people are happy for a quick check in and know other people have thought of them. And others expect to be able to offload their thoughts and worries onto others, which other people find quite difficult if they're also managing their own concerns.

Some people prefer to support other people because it gives them a break from worrying about their own shit. Other people don't have the capacity to hear anything.

There's never one simple answer.

I agree with this. It sounds like you have had a difficult time and so it is understandable that you are feeling a bit bruised and sensitive about things, but perhaps try reframing it a bit in your mind to look at it more that unless they are being actively unkind or unreasonable, it’s more that you don’t know what is going on for them or that others deal with things differently?

i don’t know about the work matters- hard to say whether you have a point or not. Ultimately, your employer can only give so much leeway and you do need to be able to do the your job (or at least most if it)- if not, you need to be signed off as unfit to work. So, it could be they are unreasonable in not supporting you, or it might be that what you feel you need is not reasonable to your employer. You say you asked for help and haven’t been given any, but what help do you want? The push back could be colleagues lacking in empathy, or it could be they feel you are being unfair.

Htcunya · 02/04/2026 13:48

GreyCarpet · 02/04/2026 10:52

There was a thread on here about a woman who was pissed off that an obviously lonely old man kept trying to make conversation with her in her local coffee shop. The majority of commenters told her that she shouldn’t chat to him, she owes him nothing, and made horrible assumptions. So many people are just selfish and downright nasty these days.

Actually, for clarity, the man wasn't trying to make conversation with her at all. From her own words, he looked up when anyone walked in the shop and she inferred that he was lonely from that and by the look in his eyes and she regularly approached him to start conversations and ask him questions.

She was posting because she didn't like the content of his answers and the fact he offloaded on her, which was fair enough, tbh. They're strangers.

All most posters did was point out that he wasn't approaching her and, if she didn't want to talk to him, she just needed to stop asking him questions about himself.

Most people weren't nasty about him just bemused that she couldn't see that the problem was both created and easily resolved by her.

Thank you. That’s my recollection too.

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 13:51

27pilates · 02/04/2026 09:24

Sadly this thread perfectly illustrates what you’re describing OP. Straight away, several posters jump on you to tell you you’re over-reacting because you’ve mentioned only 2 examples.
I suspect you’d still get the same reaction from those posters, even if you’ve mentioned EVERY example.
I hope you’re ok and common decency costs nothing in my opinion. Every time you encounter someone who’s self-centred and un-empathetic to other people’s distress, clock it mentally and ensure you NEVER emulate them.

Edited

“Jump on you”

Honestly. What hyperbole. For not agreeing with the Op on her bleak view on society.

Devilsmommy · 02/04/2026 13:53

OP I think you're right. Ever since COVID a lot of people have turned into selfish, entitled, self centred arseholes. Manners barely exist anymore. So if you want to just look out for number 1 do it. Most other people think that way it seems. Sorry you've been having a shitty time

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 13:54

DreamyJade · 02/04/2026 10:36

I completely agree with you, OP. You only need to look at newspaper articles online about people dying in sunken migrant boats and the predominant reaction is the ‘laugh’ emoji.

There was a thread on here about a woman who was pissed off that an obviously lonely old man kept trying to make conversation with her in her local coffee shop. The majority of commenters told her that she shouldn’t chat to him, she owes him nothing, and made horrible assumptions. So many people are just selfish and downright nasty these days.

I’ve recently been diagnosed with a very serious medical condition. I told my brother in a text a couple of weeks ago and he arranged to come and visit me yesterday. He was having a very minor ‘crisis’ over something and nothing. From the moment he arrived until he left he was banging on about his situation and didn’t once ask how I was, or my treatment or prognosis. Not once.

I keep myself sane by telling myself that we’re surrounded by good people who are keeping quiet, and the nasty people are more vocal so we notice them more. But I’m beginning to wonder if that’s a delusion.

So previously your brother was caring and he’s “become” uncaring @DreamyJade ?

Original poster

DoomAndGloomScroller · 02/04/2026 14:24

Ok, so it’s not just 2 people. I’m just using them as examples.

I’m talking about work, and things outside of work. I’ve been involved in a couple of things and I’ve had to back out of them as I’ve been running round like a crazy person sorting out my family life. Instead of understanding, people have got upset I’m not available to help.

At work I’ve not done any overtime and I’ve still done my job well, with little time off, not even close to my colleagues days off sick. I’ve heard the wellbeing manager checking in with people to see if they are ok, but I got no such thing despite telling her personally that I was struggling and needed to offload some of my workload as I was at breaking point. So a simple “how’s it been?” isn’t too much to ask.

I feel bruised and battered after the last 6 months. It’s an eye opener for me. I can see clearly now the people who have compassion for others, and those who couldn’t care less and I now know where I’m going to spend my energy.

I used to try and get along with everyone in general and now I genuinely feel that I don’t care if a lot of people don’t like me or wouldn’t give me the time of day. I don’t even bother trying to be nice or friendly now.

OP posts:

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 14:29

sick. I’ve heard the wellbeing manager checking in with people to see if they are ok, but I got no such thing

so she is caring but not to you? So it’s a relationship issue between the pair of you rather than society.

And this is family and friends upset you’ve backed out of things? It depends what you’ve backed out of really.

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 14:30

The people in your immediate family who you love and they love you… they care about you?

I don’t even bother trying to be nice or friendly now. That seems an unpleasant way to live

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 14:31

DoomAndGloomScroller · 02/04/2026 14:24

Ok, so it’s not just 2 people. I’m just using them as examples.

I’m talking about work, and things outside of work. I’ve been involved in a couple of things and I’ve had to back out of them as I’ve been running round like a crazy person sorting out my family life. Instead of understanding, people have got upset I’m not available to help.

At work I’ve not done any overtime and I’ve still done my job well, with little time off, not even close to my colleagues days off sick. I’ve heard the wellbeing manager checking in with people to see if they are ok, but I got no such thing despite telling her personally that I was struggling and needed to offload some of my workload as I was at breaking point. So a simple “how’s it been?” isn’t too much to ask.

I feel bruised and battered after the last 6 months. It’s an eye opener for me. I can see clearly now the people who have compassion for others, and those who couldn’t care less and I now know where I’m going to spend my energy.

I used to try and get along with everyone in general and now I genuinely feel that I don’t care if a lot of people don’t like me or wouldn’t give me the time of day. I don’t even bother trying to be nice or friendly now.

Edited

Ask for what you need, if you're not getting it spontaneously.

Skybluepinky · 02/04/2026 14:51

In reality you are seeking attention from the wrong people.

GreyCarpet · 02/04/2026 15:43

Skybluepinky · 02/04/2026 14:51

In reality you are seeking attention from the wrong people.

I think this is probably a good point. Who else do you have in your life?

I’ve heard the wellbeing manager checking in with people to see if they are ok, but I got no such thing despite telling her personally that I was struggling and needed to offload some of my workload as I was at breaking point. So a simple “how’s it been?” isn’t too much to ask.

So, it's not that you think people are less caring just that you feel they've been more caring towards others than you?

Its fair to feel like that. But, again, there could have been many reasons for that.

I used to try and get along with everyone in general and now I genuinely feel that I don’t care if a lot of people don’t like me or wouldn’t give me the time of day. I don’t even bother trying to be nice or friendly now.

This paragraph doesn't really sit right with me. You seem to see things in a rather transactional way. You're friendly towards people because of who you are and not because of what you get back from them.

Unless you are someone who goes above and beyond for people, even those you barely know, and get upset when they don't reciprocate? (Which there seems to be a lot of on MN).

It's fine to feel hurt right now but I'd be wary of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

DreamyJade · 02/04/2026 19:33

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 13:54

So previously your brother was caring and he’s “become” uncaring @DreamyJade ?

Show quote history

Well, yes. I mean, he’s always been male but he’s never been that self-absorbed to my memory.

Tuckshirtin · 03/04/2026 14:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 03/04/2026 18:42

People are the same, it's just that there is so much shit going on in the world and people are struggling to make ends meet that they have little capacity to offer support beyond established friends and family.

Being honest, if your colleagues or an acquaintance asked how you are would you keep it professional or would you go into uncomfortable detail? With oversharers at work I am reluctant to ask how they are because I don't want them to trauma dump on me. I don't share much personal stuff with colleagues so you may find there may be people in the office going through difficult times too. Given the last few months you have had how willing would you be to help a colleague out if thier dog, aunt, grandparent etc had died or got ill?