I don’t really know why I’m posting this but maybe someone will relate.
Before I got pregnant, I was in a really bad place. For about 6 years I was taking strong painkillers daily, drinking heavily, and using cocaine every single day. It completely took over my life. I just wanted the night to keep going — sleep didn’t matter, work didn’t matter, nothing really did.
I was in constant pain but still carried on. I’d even had surgery on my nose and still used — even the night before a general anaesthetic. My septum is basically gone now and I deal with that every day.
When I found out I was pregnant, I stopped everything. Not because I loved myself — I didn’t — but because I loved the baby.
That’s what got me through it.
Stopping was hard. Life felt boring as hell at first. I had to actually sit with myself instead of constantly escaping. But slowly things changed. My heart stopped racing all the time, I started sleeping properly, and I felt like my personality came back.
Now I’ve got my daughter and I’m sober, and I honestly can’t believe I’m here some days.
If anyone reading this is in that place — I get it. It feels impossible to get out. But if you can’t do it for yourself yet, find something you do care about and hold onto that.
Also — the people you use with aren’t your real friends. That was a big one for me.
Not really sure why I’ve written all this. Just felt like maybe someone might need to read it.