How to decline an invite

[WineBeforeWhine]

How do I decline invite without upsetting my friend. She lives in a one bed flat and has asked me to come and stay over. She only has a single bed, which I hope she lets me have. Otherwise it’s cushions on the floor and I’d never get up off the floor. I’m also a wriggler and honestly think I’ll probably fall out of the single bed. In addition her gay friend (male) is also staying over and she says he sleeps on the floor next to the bed!!! I’m no spring chicken and sharing a room with a guy I only met once before isn’t appealing.

how do I excuse myself politely and without offending her?

If you want to stay over, but it’s the floor that’s the issue, could you ask if she has a camp bed, or take one with you? You and her share the bedroom, and the bloke has the living room? Or if she wants him to sleep in the bedroom with her, you set up in the living room yourself?

If you just don’t want to stay at hers regardless, you either need to say you’re planning to go straight home at the end of the day/evening (maybe say you have something on early the next morning) or book a nearby hotel and tell her you couldn’t possibly impose so you’re stopping at the premier inn down the road.

If you don’t even want to visit her at all you either need to say that, or tell her you’re busy on this occasion.

Thank you to all the sensible and kind responses. To those unkind and sarcastic answers, I ask you, would you be that nasty towards me face to face?

Which 'unkind and sarcastic answers' ?

I've just re-read the thread incase I've missed something.
No-one has been unkind or sarcastic.

Yes, it's as odd that the OP doesn't know how to decline this as that the person invited her in the first place.

Have you responded?

It really is OK to say "thank you but no thank you. I prefer my own bed"

No-one would be offended by that.

Had to share a double fold down sofa bed with my boyfriend and two other girls two years ago , after a new years party.
At least we were all warm.

Woke up with a giant pair of boobs in my face ... which were rather comfortable. Boyfriend was on my other side found this hilarious when he woke ... we're all good friends so it wasn't an issue lol 😆

"My days of being comfortable sleeping on floor cushions, and my days about being relaxed about sleeping in rooms with people I hardly know, are both long long ago - I need my own bed and my own room so I am nor up for any plans that can't include that"

This is not rude. No one rational would take offence at you knowing your limits. If her desires for this sleepover opportunity are more important to her than your comfort and wellbeing then she is not your friend.

I don’t have any friends who want to stay over at anyone’s these days. Everyone would say thanks so much for the offer it’s reallly kind but I’ll uber home. (We live in London so none has decent spare guest rooms)

I did this sort of thing as a uni student, but I’d not expect an adult to stay over without a bed. Say thanks but no thanks.

Just say you’re not a student any more and need your own bed and space so you’ll drive home/taxi home/book into the nearest hotel thanks

Many answers have been confrontational and critical about why the OP is even asking the question

Absolutely no way i’d be sleeping on cushions on the floor, and i’d also feel really uncomfortable with my friend sleeping on the floor. Fact another person is also staying would also put me off. Just say you’re busy, or pay for a hotel and that way you can enjoy spending time with your friend, but then leave for the hotel early evening.

I’d still be wondering why you couldn’t just say ‘No, I’ll book somewhere — I can’t share rooms’ to a friend.

Nobody has been unkind, people are just a bit shocked that you seem to have so little self esteem that you have to ask for help for how to say "no" to something that is so very clearly breaking sensible boundaries of being able to fall asleep somewhere comfortable, safe and private. Maybe that's expressed a bit bluntly but I suspect it's the same lack of self esteem that is making you perceive that as an attack.

You don't seem to have a very healthy definition of "friend" to use this word for someone who you are afraid to speak to about not wanting to share a sleeping space with an unfamiliar man and not wanting to accept sleeping arrangements that will give you pain. This suggests you might benefit from some counselling to help you build a strong enough sense of self worth that you don't feel such shame about having and maintaining boundaries. I mean this 100% kindly.