AIBU to keep a chatty acquaintance at arm’s length?

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve met a woman at my gym a few times and I can’t work out whether I’m being overly cautious or whether my gut is picking up on something.

She’s extremely chatty and friendly with everyone there, which in itself is obviously not a crime, but she’s very full-on. She recently messaged me with a very spontaneous “come out now” type invite, which felt a bit presumptuous given we barely know each other.

When I’ve spoken to her in person, she tends to launch straight into her own personal drama and there isn’t much reciprocal conversation. She also got a bit physically familiar (touched my stomach when I mentioned feeling bloated/self-conscious), which I found quite odd from someone I’m not actually friends with.

I’m conscious I may just be being a bit reserved and she may simply be extroverted, but something about her makes me feel uneasy rather than relaxed.

I’m trying to work out whether I should ignore that and make more effort, or whether it’s perfectly reasonable to keep things polite but superficial.

YANBU, she sounds unbearable.

I can't be around people that talk to much, over share, talk about themselves at length and don't listen to you, and are touchy feely.
There's a lot of people like this around and I avoid them at all costs. They are usually either just using you as a sounding board and will soon move on when they no longer need you or they are one of those people that assume every one wants to be friends with them and they are bestowing some privilege on you. These types were usually the "popular" girls in school.

I have always found that friendships that develop quickly are always over quickly. All of my close friends are friendships that developed very slowly over time.

Avoid avoid avoid.

It's rarely a bad idea to trust your gut but that might just be a reflection of the fact you are a bit more reserved, so subconsciously you are not drawn to opposite traits in others. You don't need to advance the friendship if you don't want to and can just stay cordial but withdrawn. Over time you may however find she really grows on you, it can happen unexpectedly

Oh that's interesting, I'd say for two of my best friends we clicked really well really quickly and seemed to become good friends within hours.

But there doesn’t need to be anything wrong with her — you can just not like her enough to want to become friends! Most people we meet we don’t like enough to befriend, otherwise we’d all be neck deep in besties.

Trust your gut. She oversteps boundaries and isn’t interested in you as a person (drones on about herself).

Be civil but avoid.

Why would you ‘make more effort’ with someone you don’t really like?

I swear to god that half of Mumsnet isn’t aware that friendships are meant to be enjoyable, rather than some sort of feat of social endurance where you hang out with people who are clearly awful.

You haven't said anything about this woman that suggests a friendship with her appeals to you in any way. Why are you wondering whether you should make more of an effort?

You don't have to be friends with everyone, and you don't need a justification for not being interested in building friendship with someone. Just be a polite acquaintance and don't invest your time and energy beyond that.

I’d be avoiding her like the plague. I have friendships that have been slow burners and friendships that have been immediate, and both have turned out to be long lasting and lovely. The thing they all have in common is that none of my boundaries were trampled on, nobody made me feel like anything was a bit much, everything was give and take and nothing making me feel uneasy.

Something in you is picking up on tiny little signals she’s giving off and I think you should listen to your gut. Don’t tell her anything about yourself (even if she bothers asking) and don’t accept invitations from her. I don’t think this woman is someone you’ll be playing bingo with when you’re 80.

Block her and change your gym schedule or gym. Life is too short for second guessing yourself all of the time. Trust your instincts.

Breaks normal social boundaries - touching your abdomen - and talks a lot about her dramas. Implies you are obligated to provide a closer friendship - "come out now" - than you have developed, if any has even been established at all. All of these are warning cues, that I would listen to

You gave her your number? 🤯

You’re not be obliged to be her friend. Keep her in the ‘gym acquantice’ category.’ Ie. Someone you say ‘hello’ to in passing, and nothing g more. To be honest, I’m not sure you actually like her.

it sounds like she’s not your type of person which is absolutely fine. Keep it cordial and don’t let her push boundaries. You don’t have to be friends because she’s wants to

She may or may not be a perfectly lovely person, but if you don’t like her manner and you don’t feel comfortable around her then why on earth would you “make more effort”? Make effort to be friends with the people you get on with. Don’t fill your life with people who you can’t relax around.

Not everyone gets on with everyone else and that’s okay. It isn’t a matter of good people and bad people. It’s just different preferences and styles.