AIBU to turn down dream role?

[Whyamilikethis89]

I returned to work after an 8 year break in 2021. I joined on £60k. 5 years later I’ve been promoted twice in role and now on £90k. the role is super super chill - I work about 4 hours a day (in between school drop off and pick up) I’ve been promoted as soon as possible every time. there’s no more scope for promotion in this role though (looking at 10+ years for next grade) so I’m on easy street. I was bored and applied for a role that’s a significant step up; £130k plus bonus, my own team, bigger better organisation. somehow I got it, and I’m shitting myself.
my friends say this is extreme impostor syndrome - I was in a DV relationship and I’ve just never been able to recover my self confidence despite therapy, support etc.
however, I’m terrified im biting off more than I can chew. in my current role, I’m basically excelling by coasting. I basically set my own hours, and seniors love me. I’m so scared to move to this new role especially as a single parent.
obe of the things I learnt in therapy was trying to listed to my gut. I feel sheer panic at the thought of signing the contact tomorrow and I just can’t tell if it’s anxiety or instinct.

I wouldn’t move. Presuming your child is young and dependent. If older and more independent, then I’d seriously consider

God what do you do and why am I not doing it

What gives you joy / drives you? Being challenged and excelling of being comfortable?

Theres no right answer - just what suits you best. There’s a lot to be said for being comfortable and happy.

This! One of us at least can have the job you're about to leave OP. Sounds perfect!

Some considerations…

Look at the take home pay - the difference may not be much and you’d be at least doubling your hours!

As PP says what do you want right now - challenge and job satisfaction or comfort and ease?

it sounds like you may not actually want the latter - you’re bored and chose to apply vs bored and happy to continue as you were

I appreciate that the new job offer is frightening but, and I'm not minimising, I and probably loads of people who read your post really, really wants to know what job you do that's about four hours work a day and pays £90k

Agree!! There’s so many posts like this with the “l work 2 hrs a day 3 days a week for £275k”.

Please please tell me what the hell it is that you do

Interesting first post...🤔

My youngest is going up to secondary next year, but I still do lots of driving around/ parents events etc for my older two, so not sure how much demands from them will decrease

its so hard to say, I achieve well but it’s completely anxiety driven - I’m basically like a duck paddling frantically ynderwater till I achieve goals/ recognition, then I move onto the next things and the cycle resets

I’m not going to reply individually to the doubting posts. Obviously I’ve name changed , this isn’t a first post. I can’t explain why it only takes me so long, we’re each basically assigned a portfolio to look after and I can deliver mine to a high quality, and volunteer for enough additional work to get promoted, on about 4 hours a day. I don’t know why - my pre-kids career was very fast paced so maybe I’m just used to working at pace or maybe others are also working 4 hours, I just don’t know

What do you do rest of time?

entirely wfh?

Is it finance type stuff then?

50:50 wfh, but I leave early for pick up on my office days and my boss is happy with it as I deliver on my work

Yep, exactly, it’s quant type role in a finance function so it’s either right and done, or not, it’s really obvious and measurable if you’re delivering or not

Can you try look at it differently?

Every change you've made to date was worked out positively, leaving relationship, rejoining workplace etc.

You've managed to get a 50% salary increase in 5 years.
You have an excellent reputation with current employer.

It's not luck, it's your talent and ability.

You know deep down you wanted a move. You are bored with what you are currently doing, you applied, I'm pretty certain you went through a tough interview process, and came out ahead of your competitors. You also referred to it as your dream job.

People don't get handed roles with that salary just because someone liked them at interview. You got the role because you deserve the role - your skillset and ability.

Sometimes when you find it difficult to believe in yourself, it might be easier to see if you can believe in others.

Can you accept that your current management believe in you, as evidenced by their feedback, promotions and salary increase?

Can you accept that they people who interviewed you know what they are looking for and assessed your skills correctly?
Management don't gamble much at the salary level - they appoint people they know can deliver for you.

Your ex and the DV relationship took a lot from you (confidence etc). Don't let it take your dream job too.

Shake off the imposer syndrome.

You've got this.
Congratulations, I hope you really enjoy it. You got it because you are good enough - Don't forget that.

How old are you, what is your pension like and how does the pension compare between the roles?

Why did you originally want the new role? It sounds like you were bored. But would you be better off (ie less bored) if you stick with the current role and use your spare time to take up abseiling? Most jobs are a bit boring sometimes - even really exciting ones.

How much will the extra money be in your pocket! What does that mean for you? £90k - £130k is a surprisingly small jump from a take home point of view as the tax is gruesome.

How likely are you to then go up to £150k, £200k etc etc. And what does that mean for you?

The new role…. Is this with a completely different company?

And you are 50/50 in the office. So for those 2-3 days that you’re in the office doing 4 hours a day… are you sitting there on mumsnet for the rest of the time?

Hmme, you might not really have realised but you're clearly exceptionally able with numerical analysis. If you're in an industry that recognises this and rewards this ability ...go for it. Getting things done in half the time is a great gift. I'd exploit it. It's a big salary bump with more opportunities. You can leverage this (and it sounds like you'll still be capable of delivery). The teen years get pricey and if your kids are bright like you uni is very expensive for parents. Invest in things that support you and your family, cleaners and digital assistants/AI. Clubs and experiences for your kids. More into a pension, an ISA for you and one for your kids. Create assets and future proof your life. Money makes money if you have enough and you clearly have the ability to do this.