AIBU to keep screen rules despite my son's friend's Xbox access?

[Touchofsilver]

My DS (7) has a close friend who has pretty much unlimited access to his Xbox, and it’s in his bedroom. From what I gather, he can go on it whenever he likes and for as long as he likes.

In our house, we’re quite different - my son has a Nintendo Switch but we limit his screen time, and we don’t allow screens in bedrooms (and definitely not a TV at his age). It’s just what we feel comfortable with at the moment.

The problem is my son is starting to get really upset and frustrated about the difference. He keeps saying it’s “not fair” and asking why he can’t have the same. I completely get it from his point of view, but we’re not planning to change our rules right now.

I’m also in a slightly awkward position because I’m friends with the other child’s mum, and I really don’t want this to come across as judgemental of their parenting choices - it’s just different to ours.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you explain it to your child in a way that actually stuck, without making the other family seem “wrong”? And did it get easier over time?

I'm not sure as I'm on the other foot. Our playstation time was limited as a child but I'd spend ages at friends houses just playing it for hour after hour whereas that friend wouldn't be so fussed about it as I was as they had access to it whenever. Now I give my daughter unlimited screen time and I found that when I initially gave in, she was on it all the time, but now the novelty has worn off and she'd rather go out and do things and actually gets annoyed when she's trying to play with other kids and they have their screens out in public places. But that's no judgement on you, we're all doing our best!

You are obviously not unreasonable to have rules. The “it’s not fair” argument has always been said by kids and will forever be said by kids. He may only realise that you’re doing the best for him years later.

You can’t change the house rules because others have none or you’ll end up with a preteen who is doing all sorts like vaping, vandalizing, fighting…

“In this house, I make the decisions that I believe are in your best interest. I do not think that so much screen time is good for you. I have no control in what happens in another persons house. That’s a decision for friends mummy”.

I would also encourage play dates either out or at your house and restrict my son visiting there. Unlimited screen time in a bedroom at a young age is really not good.

And it didn’t get easier for years - until she was nearly 15.

You're definitely not being unreasonable - putting boundaries around screens is very important and starting early will teach responsibility for later on when phones and social media are involved.
the explanation part here is also key: he will not like it but he will start internalise what spending too much time in front of a game does to a growing brain and how it can affect his behaviour and his mind.
You do not have to change your parenting based on other people's choices, if you've taken this decision intentionally stick to it and talk to your child about it.

Every time any of my kids have ever said "well X is allowed to" etc I have answered "well I'm not X's mum," with occasional addons like "every family does things differently. You get to do Y which your friend doesn't do, should I stop you doing that?" etc.

I always try to talk things out with them, so explain the reasons why I have set a certain rule. I have always told them I'm here to give you what you need, not just what you want.

I have also explained to my kids that we don't change our minds about what is right just because someone else is/isn't doing it, which I think is a good lesson for them to learn in advance of teen years!

"Some kids don't have a Nintendo, and aren't allowed gaming in any form. Is that fair? Some kids eat sweets all day, but it isn't good for them. I make the decisions I believe are right for you, and that isn't going to change. If you're becoming this obsessed with gaming, I might have to ban it altogether. So are you going to accept the house rules without complaining, or lose the Nintendo?".