AIBU - criminal - does he deserve a chance?

[Sasha2979]

Right. I need advice. Husband is an exceptionally hard worker but keeps being passed over for promotion. He’s recently started a qualification so he can progress at work. Today he has discovered that the company he works for are funding another worker’s qualifications so he’s been passed over again. Here’s the AIBU. The other worker was convicted in 2000 for inciting a 12 year old girl to engage in sexual activity. He was put on the sex offenders’ register for 5 years but that’s now spent. In 2012 he was jailed for threatening his partner and neighbour with a knife and for violence. The man is a disgrace but the company is still paying for him to complete the qualifications. Now the company is a building firm so we aren’t talking corporate. AIBU - let him better his life or express concerns that a man like this will be attending a college and seems to be being given a lot of chances? He is an awful man but do you think the company know of his crimes or should they find out?

Are you considering telling tales to the company management about this man’s history? Why would you do that? Do you think they don’t already know about it? What would your objective be - to get him fired?

Your DH is best served by requesting s meeting with whoever is in charge of performance management at the company and requesting clear feedback on what developmental areas are holding him back from
being promoted, setting some goals and agreeing a time line for catch ups/reviews to discuss what progress he is making.

His colleagues crimes are irrelevant to the job. The question is why does your husband keep getting looked over and why are they funding the other guys qualifications and not your husbands?

The other man is none of your business, leave him alone or you risk looking like a bitter lunatic.

Your DH needs to work on whatever is holding him back. If he doesn't know, he can ask for feedback.

The employer will be assessing based on work-based skills and has assessed this other person as the best person for the course; it's their business and their money. Why should his criminal past be held against him in this instance? It's a building firm; if he can't get on with his life here, where can he?

It's up to him to tell the company, please dont tell me you would do this? That would be very spiteful and immature.

People in his situation, despite their past and the fact that they may be 'awful', are allowed to get on with their lives once they have served their time. There are many people in his boat like this, just quietly getting on with their lives; he is just one of them.

Leave him be, and you and your other half get on with your life. If your other half is that unhappy, he can speak with his feet, leave and set up his own business with extensive vetting and no criminal or morally corrupt people allowed at all.

Mm. The timing isn't great, is it? Your H should have raised concerns at the get go rather than at a point when he wanted to discredit a rival. Because if he feels the man is a danger to the public then it looks odd he managed to overcome his concerns until now.
I'm sure your H is the more morally deserving of the two, but I'd be very surprised if the other man's record is unknown to the business and they've made their decision despite that. Possibly even tapping into funding for rehabilitation of offenders if there's a training cost.

How do you know about his crimes but his company doesn't?

Trying to get someone fired so your husband can get their job is not going to work out well for you.

I'm not really sure what you're asking. I suppose everyone should be offered the opportunity to better their circumstances, and the company may be participating in a scheme to support ex-offenders. Pre-employment checks are usually documented in the employee handbook, but I doubt your husband will be doing himself any favours by first accusing the hiring manager of not doing their job properly and then saying he's more deserving than another employee of funding for further training.

In terms of the college, it's for them to manage any risks this employee may or may not pose to other students, and it's down to the individual to comply with whatever release terms he may be under.

If your husband is staying in the industry, his training won't be wasted, although I understand it's galling to have to pay for it yourself when company funding is available. Is your husband aware of the requirements and timing of funding requests? If not, that's a first step - I'd be speaking to my manager, saying I'd love to stay and progress, and asking what the requirements were for the company to sponsor further training. (Obviously outline how the training will benefit the Company as well.)

I'd also reflect on whether the Company wants to keep him. Passed over for promotion and passed over for further training opportunities...is it just unfortunate timing, or are others better qualified/thought well of?

Would you be asking this question if the person getting promoted was whiter than white?

For pretty much any crime I’d say he deserves a fresh chance once he’s served his time - but not for being a paedophile, sorry. I wouldn’t hold back.

There is a reason your partner keeps being passed over.

Is he improving himself outside of work so he is more favourable for the next position?

Does he sulk when he is passed over?

My focus would be on improving myself, not obsessing over who was chosen before me.

I agree,

Being a paedophile is a sexual preference. They can't be reasoned, therapied, or coerced out of it.

That's who they are.

They can't help it but despite what they say they don't want to stop what they are doing.

His past and his current standing at work are 2 separate things.

Look at it this way, the company may know about it or they may not. Either way they think this person is a better bet for progression than your husband.
He wasn't chosen because or in spite of his past, your husband may be a good worker but the other person is clearly better.
Your husband need to get feedback and concentrate on improving his chances next time.
Even if you were to be completely ridiculous and report the person it wont get your husband the higher position, in fact it may backfire and go against him.

Are you 100% sure you've identified the right guy? I assume you've googled and the names and age match, but that's not foolproof.

I can't imagine that will help DH anyway, for some reason they don't want to promote him. (One possibility is he's very good in his existing role and they can't spare him from that.)

I agree with this

But I'm interested in how old this guy is? The conviction was in 2000, was he also young at the time or an adult?

He was 30 at the time

You're doing it out of spite. You might think your DH is a hard worker - but he could be absolutely shit and you dont know it.

I am torn about reporting - on the one hand - I think "fuck you" what a disgrace because i want to banish all peados to the depths of hell. On the other hand - would we prefer they all remain unemployed and are paid benefits from our taxes indefinitely? With more time on their hands to engage in peado crimes.

That's exactly my take. If he's working in construction he's away from kids for at
least 40 hours a week and not getting state handouts. The last thing I'd want is him being out of work.