To think it's selfish if people don't tell you they've had a vomiting bug just before you visit them?

[RossGellersCat]

Feeling so infuriated but happy to be told I'm being unreasonable/ overreacting. Went to stay with DH's old uni friend and his family for two days at the weekend. First day was fine but they didn't offer us much food and friend's wife went to bed very suddenly at 9pm. Didn't think much of it as DH had told me already they're not really into 'big meals' and I have a shamefully early bedtime normally so figured she was just tired. Then the next morning she didn't get out of bed and DH's friend told us that he and their kids have all had a vomiting bug over the past week and now his wife has come down with it too. He admitted he'd still been vomiting the day before we came but didn't want to cancel the visit as his boys would have been really disappointed. He's a healthcare professional and 100% knows the basics of infection control and the 48 hour 'rule' to stop bugs from spreading.

I immediately felt really angry as it's the beginning of the Easter holidays and we have family visits, playdates and days out planned. It would have annoyed me anyway as I think it's selfish behaviour to not tell people if you've had a vomiting bug, but it's been a really stressful last month for me and I've been banking on being able to relax with my family this weekend to recharge (they're not local so I don't get to see them very often). As soon as the friend told us this I packed all our things up and we left within the hour. Aside from feeling worried we'd catch it I also felt a bit bad for the wife as given she was ill in bed I didn't think it was fair for us to stay in her house any longer with five screaming kids running around.

I've woken up today feeling nauseous and headachy, which is how DH friend said theirs all started. Just feeling so pissed off that they chose not to be honest with us and I'm now left managing two young children alone at home while feeling ill and scared this is going to derail our Easter holiday. I completely understand that you can't prevent all infections and we come into contact with a million different germs a day, but they knew that we would be at risk of catching this and chose not to let us make a decision as to whether we'd rather rearrange the visit. Urgh.

Yanbu. It's enraging behaviour!

Nope, drives me nuts. It got a bit better around Covid but people have slipped back.

Clearly, YANBU. It’s incredibly selfish to spread illness especially vomiting bugs because of how disruptive that is. I caught noro from my dd a couple of years ago and I felt like I was dying.

I would make it clear to them that their behaviour around this isn’t acceptable.

It's one of those things where I know people would be bothered so if it was us that had the bug I would let people know but if it was the people we were visiting I wouldn't be bothered if they told me or not.

So yes they should tell you as a courtesy and I would have done but I also wouldn't have changed my plans even with that information.

I’d be really annoyed. Plus stupid of them, it was quite likely the wife would come down with it if she hadn’t already, why on earth did she still want to come?

You're not being the slightest bit unreasonable, it's absolute asshole behaviour. It sickens me that adults are unable to follow basic infection control!

Really hope you feel better soon, OP x

This would fill me with rage. A cold is one thing but a vomiting bug is entirely different!

I would be furious too. Odds were that the wife was going to come down with it. Very unfair on you all.

As others have said, this is selfish behaviour from your friends, and all because their children would be disappointed if you didn’t go. The children should be taught that plans change at the last minute, and that would have been a life lesson for them. To know that this is from a health care professional too 😞.

This is akin to those that have been vomiting all night, but still turn up to a party, as they felt better and didn’t want to ‘let you down’ 🙄. They then make out they are the hero for doing so! No thank you 🙂‍↔️

I hope you feel better soon, OP, and no one else becomes ill.

I would be beyond annoyed. Had to convince my husband to stay home the day after he came home from work being sick as no one would welcome it especially as it was Christmas Eve. I even pay my cleaners to not come if they are not 48hrs clear but want to come (and obviously let them know if we have been ill so they can make up their mind)

It’s got massively worse since Covid.

we have an immunocompromised child and people used to be so considerate. Now it’s all “oh we didn’t want to miss out” to a ridiculously selfish degree.

We’ve even ended up with our DD in ICU because another parent hid that their child had chicken pox so we didn’t postpone doing something with them. Apparently their child would have been devastated… obviously mine was delighted with a hospital stay 🙄

That is completely out of order, potentially ruining your holiday just so as not to let his own kids down! I'd be fuming. Hope you don't get the full on sickness and it blows over.

I’d be utterly enraged too and I think I’d be messaging the friend to say so.

The same with colds please.

Colleague comes in with a cold, when it's policy that we can WFH when under the weather but still well enough to work. Following week for me was meant to be annual leave but I caught the colleague's cold and was ill for all of it. A week of annual leave wasted.

YANBU it’s infuriating. I’m immunocompromised and I have this so often even when I specifically ask beforehand. No one likes being ill but what is 2-5 days of feeling rubbish for most can last weeks for me and escalate into something serious.

My in laws are the worst for this.