I have a friend (F, 28) who has a history of some medical conditions. I also (F, 26) have medical conditions - these are gynaecological. I have endometriosis & Adenomyosis. I’ve had three surgeries for this since I was 17. I’ve had the same consultant the entire time and we are very good friends (as we also work together, now).
I met my friend about 2+ years ago through happenstance. She worked near where I used to live. I knew about her conditions, she knew about mine. She never had any problems gynaecologically so we would often share lifestyle tips for chronic pain. She’d come over for dinner, she’s invited to my wedding - we’re pretty close.
About 8 months ago, she became close with a mutual friend (however, it’s one sided on her part). The mutual friend is a doctor I work with. My friend would message her and lot and ask for advice or concerns, even if not gynaecologically related. As time went on, my friend started saying she was being seen by Gynae as that was something she should check out “just in case”. She paid private, initially, then moved to NHS and then got bumped up by our mutual friend. From 1st apt to surgery, she waited around 2-3 months (the usual wait list is 18mo+)
She had surgery, they found some Endo and removed it. They gave her a coil. Now it’s like her whole personality has become “Endo” or “Gynae.” She’ll often refer to us as “Endo buddies” and she’ll ask me about how I coped, how bad it is etc. Fine, whatever. But then, she started asking me how many surgeries she should have, as I’ve had three and do I know if she’ll need more? She’s asking what pain medication I take, how often, if I’ve tried certain things and can she try them.. She had the surgery 3 weeks ago. She’s also not sticking to the treatment plan. She says she’s in agony but goes for a 3k walk. She said she couldn’t deal with the post-op/coil bleeding so went to A&E and begged them to take it out which they did.. but is now complaining the bleeding is heavier again (well, obviously as she’s had the coil out-her body is like confused asf).
AIBU to be getting quite annoyed with the “Endo is my whole personality”? Like, I get it - because I have it and have struggled my whole life. However, like most - I’ve just learnt to live with it and seek support where I can. I want to be honest with her when she’s moaning to me but I can’t help but feel like it makes me a really rubbish friend? I was/am very much there for her, always, and she knows she can talk to me but this almost feels quite competitive and obsessive?