AIBU to feel alone when we both work but I do everything?

[HerOwnVillage]

I need to get this off my chest and honestly want to know if I’m being unreasonable.

My husband and I are both in our late 30s and we have two young daughters, aged 2 and 4. We both work full time in busy jobs, and financially we split everything 50/50.

But at home, it feels like I do 90% of everything.

Before work, I’m already putting washing on, tidying up, sorting things for the kids. As soon as I get home, I’m straight into hoovering, laundry, cleaning, dinner, and trying to keep on top of the house. I’m constantly exhausted and still feel like I’m failing because I can never fully keep up.

Meanwhile, my husband will often sit on his phone or watch sports, and then complain that things haven’t been done.

If I ask him to help with the children — even just to do dinner, bath, and bedtime so I can catch up on the housework — he’ll often let them run wild until late, with no routine, and then gets annoyed at me when I’m frustrated.

I’m starting to feel completely alone in this marriage. Like I’m carrying the mental load, the housework, the routines, and the responsibility of keeping everything functioning, on top of working full time too.

I genuinely want to ask: is this normal? Is this acceptable? Or have I just been putting up with far too much for too long?

Because right now, it doesn’t feel like a partnership. It feels like I’m doing life alone with someone sitting beside me.

You need to have a serious chat with your DH and tell him he needs to step up or move out.

If you don’t want to do that, stop doing anything at all for him - no laundry/ironing/cooking/picking up after him, buying gifts for his family, etc. Just concentrate on yourself and your children.

Your DH’s carry-on is not acceptable, however unfortunately too many men out there are like this because they are getting away with it. Make a vow today that you are no longer accepting his behaviour.

@HerOwnVillage you seem like you’re trying to achieve too much everyday. Surely you can cut-back on the housework a tad, only the kitchen clean-up should need doing everyday and a laundry load. The rest can wait until the weekend!

Meanwhile, my husband will often sit on his phone or watch sports, and then complain that things haven’t been done.

What things exactly?

I’ve been with my DH for 26 years and not once has he moaned that I haven’t done something. He pulls his weight in the home and if he’s bothered something hasn’t been done he’d just get up and do it. I’m assuming his mentality is, if he can’t be bothered to do it, he can hardly ask me to be bothered!

You absolutely have to put your foot down. This is ridiculous.

Of course it’s not normal.