Ashamed of how much I've spent on a stupid mobile game

[CareHomeWorries]

Been having a really rough time so far this year (my mum died, my dad was moved into a care home, my car was written off by a drunk driver crashing into it and I've been suffering with very severe anxiety)

I've been playing a stupid game called Gecko Out. It's a puzzle game and has been a good distraction from everything. I've just looked properly at my bank and I've spent £100+ on buying coins and power ups.

I feel so ashamed and bloody stupid for doing it. I can afford it but it's such a waste of money. Just didn't realize how often I was spending money on it, especially when it was just a couple of quid at a time. I've deleted it now and won't do it again but I feel awful over wasting the money.

Its like paying for a book.. you read it once, it keeps you busy and entertained and unless its super amzing you forget about it after the next few books..
Nobody would ever call a book a waste of money. Just look at the game as a way to spend time. Nothing wrong with it as long as its not excessive.

I’m not someone who sees gaming as the devils work so I’m probably biased but realistically how many hours have you spent playing it? It obviously gave you some much needed relief and a chance to switch your brain off from reality. You could easily of spent that in a day if you’d shopping, or a spa day, fancy meal out etc. You wouldn’t count any of those things as wasted money. Don’t be too harsh on yourself we all need an outlet. If this was yours and it helped then that’s fine

Agree with all above, and huge kudos to everyone for being so nice to OP. A rare thread full of kindness and support x

I've done it. I've spent hundreds over the years on games that I didn’t really enjoy, got more and more frustrated with and cost more and more money as they got harder and more annoying as you went up a level

i've got one game now I like. On payday I buy a bundle and try and limit myself to that for the month. Sometimes I might go over

as PP have said if you enjoy its that good if it really is causing you stress stop

If you’ve got hours and hours of enjoyment out of it over a long period, it’s probably not really a waste of money.

Please don’t beat yourself up over this. Like other posters say, it could have been spent more wreck less.

We all have our vices and I also took up playing games to help me when my DH was in hospital. It was so therapeutic.

Try to reframe it as a pay per use. You wouldn’t go into an arcade and not pay. You’re not wasted money if you have enjoyed it.

Sorry you’ve had a hard time op.

a lot of things can be considered a waste of money. I’ve bought books I haven’t read / finished, bought endless fripperies like nail polish, accidentally subscribed to things I’ve not used ..

Maybe the games filled a need to distract yourself that helped you at that time. You say you can afford it so that’s good. You wouldn’t normally spend like that and you don’t plan to do it again, so that is good too.

don’t be too hard on yourself!

best of luck getting back to baking and crafting if that’s what makes you feel good.

@CareHomeWorries I think it's just because its seems like its a 'small' thing you have spent the money on. But anything that gives comfort is not such a bad investment. I lost a parent this year also and went back to vaping after giving up for years, I'm sure I've wasted similar on them and its not great for my health. I'm almost ready to quit again- it got me through the bit I needed it to while I processed- and I'm sure this game has done the same for you.

You need to be a bit kinder to yourself op, sounds like you've had a terrible time of it and no-one can blame you for seeking a bit of escapism

OP I did something similar with another ' merge' style game. Never play merge games they are predatory as F and stronger regulation is needed in my book, because some of them function as 'egalitarian gambling' essentially.

I finally came to my senses when I spent frequent amounts of money trying to complete a special prize streak before a cut off time. Played like crazy every day. Still didn't make it in time to get the prize. Why? Because I still hadn't spent enough. If I had been willing to spend even MORE money, I'd have completed it and that's when I woke up and uninstalled it from my phone and I have avoided 'story' themed games ever since, since that's my particular poison, as I want to finish the story, find out what is happening next and get reeled in by the suspense etc. Of course there never is an 'ending'.

It's pure dopamine. I'm also ill and experience low dopamine as a result of my specific illness, so that dopamine also has a nice little distraction from pain.

My parent was dying too during this time from a nasty disease. After he died I still got caught again, this time by online shopping on second hand sites.

Came to my senses about it all now, (hopefully!!!) I don't make purchases on games, I only play a few that are not as 'pushy'
I've avoided all the websites I used to buy tat I didn't need. It was grief spending. The funny thing is I always rated myself as not being prone to any gambling, never go casinos or put money on cards or slots machines.

It's grief OP. I know you feel bad, but honestly just chalk it up to experience, there's no reason for you to feel ashamed about it. You've realised it and now are talking about it on MN where you risked getting roasted, so you're brave, you want to get past it and really just had a temporary blip, due to completely understandable reasons. Now you've started regaining your balance you've realised. It's absolutely understandable. Don't feel ashamed, acknowledge it and move on. Sorry for your loss💐

I spent about £30 on Pokemon Go, one month. It got increasingly expensive and I no longer play. I think it's easy to get caught out by these things, they're designed to draw you in. Chalk it up to experience.

I think it was money well spent imo. If it gave you a break/distraction from all the rubbish you've got going on then it was value for money. And I bet if you counted the hours playing for the coins bought it wouldn't have been that much for entertainment.

Am sorry about your parents, rotten going.

Ha! The cost of wool is exactly what I was thinking of! I’m an embroiderer and thread is pretty expensive too, before you’ve even factored in the cost of whatever you’re embroidering on.

You should feel no shame either @345grey, we all deserve money for hobbies, be they computer games or knitting! 🤟🏻

As others have said - you enjoyed it. Gecko Out is rather fun...

I spent £4.5k on a new laptop last year. I don't regret it but I'm also alarmed by my spendthrifery. I was unemployed!! I'm so anxious I'm going to drop it or spill a drink on it or something.

But, you know, you can't take your money with you when you snuff it! You need to find that balance I think, and enjoying splurging that money, realising it's not wise to keep it up and deleting the game sounds like a good balance to me!

Yes this.
Some computer games mimic the same Eye movements that are utilised in EMDR therapy and are very good at helping to erase trauma.

So effectively you have just invested in a form of therapy. Please don't stress or feel guilty about this. You could have turned to drugs or vodka.

Don't be ashamed, you've done no harm and fortunately you've realized before it was a crazy amount of money. Its a harmless thing and if it's reduced your stress a little it's all good.

Reframe it as you’ve spent money on a leisure activity. Accept the money has been spent, and give yourself permission. To move on.

Your shame is just another way to act negatively about yourself. Which is way costlier than 100 quid.

I've done similar. Not with add ons but upgraded a game I usually pay for free. Similar reason. Recently widowed and was a distraction. Also splashed out a bit more on things I wouldn't normally. No big deal if you are aware of it and like me are now going into pull back mode. At least you didn't spend it on something that would hurt you or someone else, unlike the drunk who crashed into your car.
So sorry for your loss of your mum and hope your life gets better.

£200 to distract yourself from the rubbish time you’re having, it doesn’t seem too bad to me. Someone else might have spent it on takeaways, alcohol, weed, a couple of nights out or whatever. It’s not a big deal. You don’t want to continue to spend it on the game so you have made a plan not to do it again. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Life is crap to is sometimes and we do whatever we need to get us through. Be kind to yourself. 💐

Well done for stopping when you did 🙌🙌

Gosh when I read the title I thought it was going to be thousands! Honestly, OP, don't beat yourself up about this! think of it as 'buying a round of golf' or 'going for a swim' at the local pool - you'd expect to pay for any such leisure thing, wouldn't you? If it entertained you and distracted you and what was needed at the time, then it wasn't a 'waste' of money at all!

I'm quite sure I spent a LOT more on (much missed) Farmville, on 'special' horses and the like! A collection of coloured pixels on a screen! then Farmville folded and they are all gone forever

It's fine. It was just what you needed at the time. You spent a (small!) amount on something you enjoyed. People do this all the time!

Games are relaxing and a great escape. It's not great that it was £100 but I would roll my eyes at myself delete the game and appreciate the relief it gave me. Get yourself an Xbox or PlayStation and play RPGs I set timers and play for an hour or so and you can't beat open world exploration for pure escapism. Witcher 3 is my current favourite over the last few years I've played it for hundreds of hours and it cost less than £30

Think of it as therapy . It was a distraction . I’ve rediscovered Angry Birds and although I’ve spent no money I’m ‘wasting’ a lot of time on it but it stops my brain from looping its usual shit

Been there, done that, TWICE! Two different apps about 5 years apart. The second time was closer to the price of a nice family holiday.

In my defence, both times were linked to anxiety while waiting for some very serious medical results. It was the distraction I needed to get through a very difficult time. The second time though, I continued playing though and it was seriously out of hand in the final week. Like you, at some point I realised how much it was and immediately deleted the app. No looking back.

Be kind to yourself, you've had a rough time. As others have said, you could have spent it on things that other do, like wine and food, or gone on a shopping spree. It really doesn't matter, especially as you say it hasn't exactly blown your budget or stopped your family from eating.

Hopefully things are looking up for you now, but if not, next time, a good walk, or coffee with a friend are my best suggestions. ❤