Starting a new relationship so soon?

[Onholidayagain]

I left a really bad 10 year relationship 6 months ago and had been OLD immediately then had decided to take a break for a few months. Matched with someone 6 weeks ago when I went back on and he is in a similar situation having left a 12 year relationship around the same time. We have only met 3 weeks ago and had 5 dates but speak everyday. I feel like I've known him for years.

I've never met someone I click with so well and can just be so honest with and he seems to think I am amazing. He's been nothing but nice, no red flags so far and I'm not even feeling a love bombing vibe even though I do feel we are both falling hard fast. I keep feeling like I've met my person and he feels the same. Wants to meet my family and friends and introduce me to his. He's already asked me to be exclusive. I'm trying to go with the flow and not overthink but does this just sound crazy? I feel like it would to me but keep just walking around with a huge grin and feeling so happy but calm at the same time but I've just never experienced anything like this and trying not to be stupid

You’re not being stupid. You like him. He likes you so with that in mind go with the flow, enjoy seeing each other, have fun and see where it goes.

Don’t rush things. You’re both very new out of a long-term relationship which is a red flag, as it means you’re probably at the stage where you’re both looking to fill the void left by your exes. I personally wouldn’t date a man that fresh out of a relationship for that reason alone.

Take time to get to know each other, see each other in different scenarios, do different activities. At 3 weeks in it shouldn’t be so serious and I personally wouldn’t be seeing him more than twice a week max!

Rebound, for both of you. Enjoy it while it lasts, but be careful about investing all your hopes.

Do either of you have children?

I think going exclusive after 5 dates and feeling like you've met "your person" is really rushing things. You haven't known him for years. Relax, date, enjoy. But pushing a new relationship to fill the place left by the old is not healthy.

Rushing so fast is a huge red flag, sorry.

Maybe you have met someone perfect for you - if so that's great - just be careful not to rush anything, especially if there are any kids involved.

Enjoy it for the money, but remember there are men who behave like this then suddenly go cold/ghost you even.

Try to keep something in reserve - remember that you right really know him yet. If he is a genuinely decent bloke, he will be fine with you taking your time.

Thanks for the advice, no kids involved on either side. I don't want to rush any of the bigger commitments and do agree it seems fast so I think I am the one out of us holding back. I guess there is no harm in enjoying it but just keeping my eyes open. I haven't felt this way before or been treated so well, so it really doesn't feel like a rebound but I know it could be for him.

I don’t think being exclusive or even thinking you’ve met the one is that much of an issue after five dates, as long as you are not rushing into anything too serious too quick. For me, exclusive should be a given after a couple of dates (no one uses me as a stop gap whilst they carry on looking) and to an extent ‘when you know you know’.

It depends how your last relationship ended, how much you had checked out before it ended, etc, as to how ready each of you will be but the fact that you feel calm and secure along with happiness is a good sign.

Just go with it, making sure you aren’t ignoring any red flags if they do appear and don’t commit to anything it would be difficult to get out of for quite a while yet and just enjoy it.

The fact you say your last relationship was a bad one is the concerning bit.

Often when people leave an abusive relationships (if that's what yours was) they rush into another abusive relationship, simply because he seems like so much better than what you've had on the past.

Just make sure you aren't dismissing any red or even amber flags, because they seem almost insignificant in comparison with your ex.

Thank you that's fair and it was an abusive relationship. I was worried about that, but I did date someone initially (for 6 weeks so a bit longer than this) who started giving off worrying vibes so I stopped it then took a break from dating. I really do feel that the only reason I'm giving this a chance is because it feels great and what I was hoping for. But obviously time will tell and I need to not get carried away!

I would agree about falling into rebound relationships that can end up being more abusive or badder than the previous one. I used to volunteer for a DV charity and its really really common. It happened to me too.

I think what you need to do is approach this relationship with caution, maintain your independence, your job and your house so that you have options and can move on if needed. Don't give him everything only to find that in a years time your in a worse situation.

It’s a mistake, sorry. You both have some work to do on yourselves, processing the emotional baggage of a long-term, difficult relationship. No good will come of not being able to be on your own, and throwing yourself straight into another relationship.
That’s my prediction anyway, for what it’s worth! I hope I’m wrong and wish you luck.
PS: I don’t know if you have children, but times the above by 100 if you do.

Why did you want a relationship so soon after coming out of an abusive one?
Not a criticism at all, just a point to consider.
You are likely vulnerable and it's very important that you heal and take time out for yourself.
Learning to love yourself on your own.
Take care OP

Your response about your previous relationship appears balanced.

The fact you posted about it means that something is bothering you. It might be your self conscious trying to keep you save.

If you don't want to end it, perhaps, slow it down. Put some boundaries in place. Let texting, less dates - once a week is probably enough in the early stages. His response to this, will let you a lot.

Have you allowed yourself time to:

1. Assess - how has it impacted you? Self esteem? Confidence?
2. Heal - have you recovered? Built yourself back up? (Independently of this relationship)
3. Understand - did you miss any early red flags? Could you have gotten out earlier? This isn't about blaming yourself (it's not your fault), it's about reflecting on how you got there? (Lack of confidence? People pleasing? Fear of being alone? Thinking you don't deserve better?
4. Determine your boundaries (what's not acceptable & won't be given second chances? Yelling, insults, disrespect etc)

To me it is simple are you afraid to be alone? even subconsciously if so I would be wary if you absolutely know you will be fine if it ends and this is a bonus to your already contended life rather than being the centr of it then yes continue