To be annoyed at my partner inviting family to stay without telling me?

[FancyBiscuit]

I found out that (through hearing his side of a phonecall to his sister) that my partner invited his sister, BIL and their 3 y/o stay (one night and 2ish days) with us in a few weeks time. Apparently the plan is for them to have our (partner used the word 'my' on the phone) bedroom rather than spare room because it's bigger.

I'm due to be away on a work trip that weekend so probably won't be there anyway. He arranged this weeks ago but apparently forgot to tell me. When I queried the plan he apologised for not telling me before but quickly moved on.

Very happy to be told AIBU but a few hours later it's still really bugging me. Id be totally happy for them to come but would have really liked to be informed, or ideally asked. Partner lived at flat alone before I moved in just over a year ago and it often still feels like 'his' home rather than ours. Would this bother other people too or do I just need to let it go?

No, it's not ok.

The bed they'll bebusing is not exclusively your husband's to offer, and neither is the house.

The bed thing would give me a serious problem. I would not want anyone staying in my bedroom, with all my clothes, etc there for anyone to poke through.

Do absolutely nothing to prepare the house.

Tell your H it's his job to get the spare room ready for the guests and that there is no way these people will be sleeping in your bed.

Tell him that in future, discussions need to be had before invitations are extended to guests, and that your bed is completely off limits.

MN is a different world sometimes! It’s bloody weird to be so possessive over someone sleeping in your bed when you aren’t there. I genuinely don’t know a single person irl who would refuse a friend/family member sleeping in their unused bed.

Did he know you’d be away so wouldn’t affect you? In which case the only thing that bothers me is the thinking - I’d have to talk to him and say I sleep in this bed in this room in this flat every night. I don’t want to do that if it’s ’your’ flat. You said they can have my room. If you don’t think of it as our room then we have bigger problems. I don’t sleep in your room.

It’s his house too.

Tell him he is making you feel like it's not your house too. In future he must always ask and get your agreement or it doesn't happen. I wouldn't want even family in my room ( without a lot of notice to tidy and hide everything not for public consumption!).

I wouldn’t want anyone in our bed either, plus he should have told you.

You will be away that weekend!

The sheets will be changed, so what if they sleep
in your bed?

Honestly, I know no one amongst my friends and family who is so closed and rigid and anti -house guests and keeping furniture to themselves as on MN.

This is his sister. Family. You won’t even be there.

He should have told you he was inviting them, that’s just common courtesy.

And he should have asked you if you mind them sleeping in your bed, and then only made that offer if you said it was fine.

The real issue isn't them coming. The real issue is that in your mind the lack of ducussion and communication demonstrates to you it's his still home rather than your home together.

Personally, I'd raise it. Part of partnership and common curtesy is discussing and agreeing this stuff.

Love I'm thinking of inviting x over for x weekend. Do we have any plans?