I've been happily married for over 20 years but unhappily attached to MIL for all of that time. She started out nice but, as one gets to know her as an adult rather than a naïve child, can see through the falsity of her personality and intentions.
And, this was all tolerable, until I hit my 40s and now I just can't stand the fake attempts at nicety in order to be allowed a pass for passive aggressive comments or aggressive aggressive comments to myself, my DD, my FIL, my SIL etc.
Holidays start out ok because MIL drinks to hide the neuroticism of hosting things she demands to host e.g. Christmas/Holiday/Mothers Day etc and then, as the day goes on, she seems to crack under the stress or just become uninhibited (unhinged) due to the alcohol she uses to alleviate the initial stress of the day.
Comments about others weight, jobs, family, politics, religion etc just come flying out of her disrespectful mouth.
She starts smacking FIL around the head "playfully" as a means to control what he says, what he doesn't say, how he says what he says etc.
Comments about BIL/SIL relationship, comments about my DD weight, competitive and demeaning comments about things as petty as pronunciation of certain words.
She's extremely controlling and manipulative. She lies about almost everything and then gaslights everyone about their perspectives and feelings when she gets caught.
She blanks texts. Complains no one texts her. Tells us to not text FIL and to go through her only for every communication.
Tells FIL no one texts her, so he feels sorry for her, and then he finds out we do because we show him the evidence. He makes excuses for her behaviour.
It's sad, pathetic, dysfunctional and I really don't want to go there for Easter. I celebrate this holiday and this environment doesn't feel like a celebration at all.
I've been tense about this for weeks. Husband is going, because he wants to do right by his parents and this is also at my encouragement, and supports me and my decision to be "ill" on the day.
AIBU for not going this year even though I've gone all the years before?
I can't help thinking I might regret things if something happens to her, due to age, and my inability to be as tolerant of this dysfuntion, as I get older, is the real problem.