If you met the right man after 40, please share with me? I feel hopeless.

[Ryni40]

For context I am 39 and have a 5 year old. I keep being told all the decent men are gone and frankly from the state of online dating it certainly seems that way!

I feel like it just won’t happen now. I love my child of course and I am generally happy but I would love to have someone to share my life with. It feels hopeless especially as I am a single parent, the stakes seem higher with bringing someone new into my life.

Not me, but my DSis did. She was with a real dick for about 7 years, married for 3. He cheated and left her for someone much younger. She was on her own for 4 years and then met the most amazing man when she was about 44. He treats her like a queen. He’s fantastic with her autistic daughter (18) and we all love him (even DH and he doesn’t like many people 🤣)

Me. I met my DH at work when I was 47 and we got married when I was 53. Happy.

There’s absolutely still hope! I was married to an awful controlling man, left at 32 (no kids) and was single for 8 years, and then met my now husband online was I was 40. He was separated but not divorced at that point.
We got married in July last year, and I’m now step mum to his three kids, who live with us 50% and I have a great relationship with them.
I think the mainstream dating sites can be a bit rubbish. We met on a more specialised dating site for people with specific lifestyle/religious beliefs. My advice would be to look for a more specialised dating site that aligns with whatever in life you care about/believe in. It massively narrows the field, and you know that at least some of your core values will be the same from the start. Good luck and I wish you every happiness!

I met my now DH 6 weeks shy of my 40th. I had at the time two DS’s, 15 and 17.

I was on POF (were talking 12 years ago), rejecting lord knows how many pics/profiles. I’d literally given up any hope - the little I had anyway - of finding someone at least worthy of more than a one night stand or short term relationship.

Then boom, out of nowhere there he was. He made the first contact. We married after 7 months.

IME don’t seek it or think it’ll never happen!

I was 42. Spent over 5 years single so I had decent boundaries when I did meet him and could both spot AND ACT ON red flags if I saw them. Didn’t see any. Seven years later, still haven’t seen any. Very happy.

Met him in real life though. Dating apps and sites are the pits. I wouldn’t bother again with those.

I did! I met him on bumble. I didn’t swipe right on very many people and technically at that point I wasn’t necessarily looking for something permanent. So his very nice but potentially very slightly chaotic profile and cheeky grin did it for me and we’ve been together ever since!

I met what appears to be a good man when I was 53. (Now 56).

He was even longer term single than me, with no DC (which is honestly a bit of a bonus), but he does have quirks which maybe explain why he was single for so long.

My advise would be to concentrate on building a good and happy life for yourself. Learn to love yourself and your single life first, whilst keeping a very open mind about what the right man might mean. It really is my experience that things happen when you're not looking/least expect it.

I was 41. Was single for the majority of my 30’s apart from a few situationships and getting messed around. Changed jobs and here we are.

My advise would be to concentrate on building a good and happy life for yourself. Learn to love yourself and your single life first

This is excellent advice OP. It really is the best way forward

I was 51 and widowed for almost 3 years. I’d been in therapy for most of that time. I met dp online. We’ve been together over 5 years now and are getting married next year.

Yes yes yes.

Got together aged 45. Knew him from work.

Far more deeply in love with him than I ever was with XH, and father of my children, the 23 years we were together.