AIBU to invite some friends on holiday but not another friend?

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We’re going on a family holiday with our 3 small children.

2 of our friends are coming to stay with us for 3 days (they’re married).

My other friend is now very upset to not have been invited. I am very close to her but wouldn’t necessarily want her on the family holiday as she’s not as close to my husband.

We are all in the same social circle and have been friends for years.

AIBU to invite some friends and not others? Apologies if I’ve not given loads of detail don’t want it to be outing.

Not everything can be a full group experience. If she doesn’t get on with your husband then that makes her coming impossible.

It’s up to you it’s your holiday. Can you say lack of room? Is she the only friend in your circle who’s not invited?

Is she single? It will of course sting if she thinks she’s being left out for that reason, so you need to be honest and tell her it’s because she and your DH don’t know each other well enough to spend a holiday together.

No it’s a large group of friends and we’ve only asked two of them. They dont have kids so dont have to worry about inviting her whole family. She’s married with kids.
She does get on with my husband but not enough for him to want her on our holiday.

You sre not obliged to invite everyone to everything. Tell her you love her company but she doesn't fit in to this particular plan. And don't apologise!

We’ve been on the receiving end of not being invited. I’ve been dreadfully hurt but I’ve never let on to the friends who excluded us.

DH and I are mature enough to realise that we can’t be invited to everything / no one has to holiday with us and our DC (one of whom is hard work).

so even though it’s hurtful, you’re not unreasonable to not holiday with friends if you don’t think it will work.

Would love to say that but she’s extremely sensitive and would definitely fall out with me if I said that. Would open up a whole can of worms!

Thanks @GranolaBaker needed to hear that! Not trying to upset her but the dynamics just wouldn’t work. Nobody else in the group will be upset.

Just tell her your H is friendly with her and her H so it was a good fit for this holiday, but that it doesn't mean you're any less close to her and would love to do other things with her. Then make a plan for a day out or something for the two of you. You're not unreasonable but people do get hurt, and if you want to sustain friendship sometimes you need to explain and reassure.

She’s clearly confident enough to let you know she’s upset regardless of how that might make you feel. She doesn’t care that it might put a dampner on your holiday plans

Oh dear. Her idea of friendship seems very demanding and you need to feel free to see other friends without her. This won't be an isolated incident.
You might tell her about a time when another of your friends invited someone else to an event instead of you and you felt hurt. Opening up a conversation about the whole area, assuring her that she is a valued friend.

You’re not being unreasonable because you can invite who you like. However, I don’t think she’s being unreasonable to be a bit miffed about it.

We have a couple of different but overlapping circles of friends, some of whom we only socialise with as couples, some it’s more the women socialising together, and some of the men go out together. I try not to overthink it but It can get really awkward sometimes when arranging things 🫤

I think I’d just say to her what you’ve said here - “Sorry X, I didn’t mean to offend you but we only have limited space and DH wanted to spend time with (couple) as they are close friends” or something similar

I think it's common to privately think 'oh I'd have liked that' and 'does that mean they like X better?'. It's rude to make a big deal of it and it's a bit self-centred to not realise 2 adults is different from 2 adults + kids. I'd possibly reply something about the kids, but tbh if she gets the hump, that's her issue.

"Sorry, but we can't invite the entire friendship group"

Maybe say you are sorry she is upset but also surprised because you thought she knew that your husband has a closer relationship with the couples who are going than he has with her. Not that he dislikes her but he has more in common with them.

As a PP said if she’s strong enough to tell you she is unhappy about the decision then she should be able to hear the reason behind the decision without it harming her or your friendship. Don’t be held to ransom by someone else’s supposed sensitivity, that isn’t friendship

Then she has an issue...as well as some control over you.
That's not great.

Yes what you’ve all said is completely valid.
I totally get what she’d be a bit miffed (I have had this happen to me and have felt the same way). But she’s gone cold and distant and is definitely a tricky character sometimes to have a friendship with.