Sometimes we distract or sooth ourselves, it can be good to have things to focus on, to look forward to, & to connect to. Sometimes all we can do is ride the waves. You don't want to spiral down with them, but when thoughts or feelings won't settle and you've tried, you can aim to float on top of them like a log, rather than trying to push them down, or fight against the tide. Sometimes feelings need to be felt, you can feel them now, tomorrow, or 10 years, but they need to be felt, & pushing down just makes them push back harder. It can all be in a tangle, but usually there is a key feeling at the root, fear, anger, sadness. Noticing it & giving it a name, I'm thinking this because I feel angery, can stop the fight to be heard sometimes. Sometimes then it's easier to walk away, or we sit with the feeling, focusing on that, not all the wash of thoughts, the feeling, giving yourself comfort, perhaps a hug, a gentle but firm hand on the chest, kind words. Remind yourself you're safe. When they are lighter it can be more like, noticing them as they arrive, realising you don't need them, & letting them float away, like watching a balloon or kite fly away. Or there's the idea that you've gotten on a thought train, without realising. Noticing, ok, I going to get off this train next stop, and watching the train take off, perhaps you're getting on another train instead. Of course all of this takes practice, don't be discouraged if you keep slipping, it's early days.
Other times you can remind yourself of the thought- feelings- behaviour cycle. This is when people can sometimes get trapped in self destructive behaviours. They get a though, it leads to a feeling such as shame, it leads to a behaviour, the such as not taking care of ourselves, this makes them feel worse. This leads to more thoughts & behaviour. Instead a person might choose a different thought or behaviour, ie it wasn't my fault, I did my best, I'm doing my best, & I'm going to do something kind for myself. The different behaviour then can lead to an improvement feelings. It can be faster, at other times, someone might raise their hearts rate for 30 seconds though exercise or dance, or splash water on their face, it depends on the individual & the situation.
With a thought like, what do I tell my son. This thought seems rooted in fear. Name it. Then depending on the situation. I might be doing something with my child, changing them ect, or they keep asking questions. I feel the frustration. But at the root it's because a fear is taking hold underneath. (I often panic about time). I can't stop what I'm doing & I'm spiralling, suddenly I find myself singing a tune, a song, a nursery rhyme, & slowly I feel the pressure reducing. Sometimes it's finding what works for you. Other times when things are slower & there's no distraction you might use thoughts. Ie, feelings are not facts. This is about fear, but I'm safe. Fact, I'm not going to solve what I'm going to tell my son tonight. Fact, this isn't something you necessarily need to work out for a long time. Fact, it's likely you'll tell him slowly, calmly, in small age appropriate amounts, over the years. Fact, it doesn't need to be perfect, you'll likely have many chances to revisit the conversation. Fact, overtime & with therapy you may come to understand the situation more yourself, & how you might explain more complex questions, make take years to be revealed. Fact, it's will be ok if at times you don't have the answer & just say, I don't know, I don't understand it myself right now, but I'm working on it. Fact, you won't be the only person he can turn to for answers, you may well find other forms of healthy support for him. Fact, you don't have to tell him everything, he may not want to hear all the details, & it will be ok for you to say, I'll talk to you about this later, or I need time to think about that. Try to take the pressure off yourself. I find sometimes after trauma we take on a lot of blame, & too much responsibility. Don't forget yourself, be kind, maybe even pamper yourself now & then, whatever that means to you, even though it might make you feel guilty or unsettled if you're not used to it. I hope this helps a little bit. xxxx