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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird feelings months after leaving a DV relationship

20 replies

NeedingASafeSpace · 28/03/2026 21:28

It’s been months now since I left my relationship. I haven’t had any form of contact with my ex one on one. All of a sudden and out of the blue it hit me yesterday and today. I surely would not say I missed him. Of course not. Not after what he has done to my children and I. These feelings are weird. It’s almost like… I do miss the person he could have been and resent the one he was. I’m getting a lot of flash backs of what he did to me. None of the memories I am getting are goood. They’re ll bad. They’re all true. They’re ll memories of what he made me and my kids live through daily. I’m confused as to why they have suddenly cropped up. After a long time of feeling… well…. Nothing.
Please note that this is NOT me missing him. I couldn’t think of anything worse than speaking to or seeing that man again.

OP posts:
YellowScarf · 28/03/2026 21:32

Have you learned about ‘trauma bonds’? Look it up it might help.

Your nervous system will take a good while to readjust. You are likely to be traumatised. Expect every human emotion possible - sometime in the space of an hour! Look after your self well. Get some support.

Well done for getting out. Recovery and healing are messy but worth it once you are through the worst.

NeedingASafeSpace · 28/03/2026 21:35

YellowScarf · 28/03/2026 21:32

Have you learned about ‘trauma bonds’? Look it up it might help.

Your nervous system will take a good while to readjust. You are likely to be traumatised. Expect every human emotion possible - sometime in the space of an hour! Look after your self well. Get some support.

Well done for getting out. Recovery and healing are messy but worth it once you are through the worst.

Thanks. I have educated myself with trauma bonding. I couldn’t believe looking something up could answer so many questions as to why I couldn’t leave.
I can’t believe I’m feeling the way I do although I’m not quite sure how it is I do feel..

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MiddyPHat · 28/03/2026 21:44

It's possible that before, to survive, you were numbed out, just focusing on what you needed to do to get through the day & then get out of the relationship. Now that you are in a safer place, & have had time to settle, you're brain feels safe enough to potential try to start processing everything, running through memories, anger, fear, sadness, ect. It was a lot. At the same time, though you don't miss him, he was a big part of your life, likely for many years, & has had a big impact. Even a inanimate object that you used everyday going missing after all that time might have some impact. So your brain feels something is physically missing, & is noticing him not being there, & is processing that. It's hitting home. The suggested idea of trauma bonds makes sense here too. What you're saying also suggests a type of grief, a grieving for what has been lost, the person he could have been but chose not to be. It's ok to grieve that whilst at the same time not wanting to go back. And to feel angry. It might be helpful with these feelings coming out to find people who understand to talk to, either in a professional sense or peer support. Mostly I'd say be patient with yourself, find healthy coping tools, & keep safe, physically & mentally. xxxx

Endofyear · 28/03/2026 22:48

PTSD? I would speak to your GP about accessing some therapy. You've probably been feeling nothing because your brain is disassociating as a protective measure - now that is wearing off and your bad memories are bubbling up. Please do reach out for some help - you've done so well getting away from him, there's no shame in needing some support. Look after yourself lovely 💐

JustWantsSomeSleep · 28/03/2026 23:24

This feeling is perfectly natural. Allow the feelings but be pleased you’re out of that situation and that this is for the best. I’ve felt the same in the past after ending a relationship. It’ll pass soon enough. And if not then as said previously you can seek help with PTSD like symptoms

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 07:28

MiddyPHat · 28/03/2026 21:44

It's possible that before, to survive, you were numbed out, just focusing on what you needed to do to get through the day & then get out of the relationship. Now that you are in a safer place, & have had time to settle, you're brain feels safe enough to potential try to start processing everything, running through memories, anger, fear, sadness, ect. It was a lot. At the same time, though you don't miss him, he was a big part of your life, likely for many years, & has had a big impact. Even a inanimate object that you used everyday going missing after all that time might have some impact. So your brain feels something is physically missing, & is noticing him not being there, & is processing that. It's hitting home. The suggested idea of trauma bonds makes sense here too. What you're saying also suggests a type of grief, a grieving for what has been lost, the person he could have been but chose not to be. It's ok to grieve that whilst at the same time not wanting to go back. And to feel angry. It might be helpful with these feelings coming out to find people who understand to talk to, either in a professional sense or peer support. Mostly I'd say be patient with yourself, find healthy coping tools, & keep safe, physically & mentally. xxxx

Edited

this is beautifully put. If you are not already, I’d urge you to get into the counselling/therapy profession. You have made so much sense here and what you have said is very helpful. All of which is very true. I absolutely think what you have said is correct. I do feel safe and I do feel comfortable. In the past when we have had months apart and feelings came back it was that I missed him desperately and which is why I always ended up back with him. It’s growth to notice that this isn’t that this time around. It most likely is grief. Even if it was a case I did end up missing him…. Then, I know I wouldn’t go back this time. My kids deserve better and they now have better. A happy mum who isn’t always in fight or flight, on egg shells, snapping because I’m overwhelmed with a man child etc. thank you so much.

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NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 07:29

Endofyear · 28/03/2026 22:48

PTSD? I would speak to your GP about accessing some therapy. You've probably been feeling nothing because your brain is disassociating as a protective measure - now that is wearing off and your bad memories are bubbling up. Please do reach out for some help - you've done so well getting away from him, there's no shame in needing some support. Look after yourself lovely 💐

I am currently waiting on therapy. I hope that works…

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NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 18:54

I m truly in my feelings tonight about all of this. The feeling are not shifting. I begin to miss the company and then remember what the company was and really resent him. I look at my child and wonder what I’ll ever tell him them about their father (who they do not see due to the DV)…. I loved him deeply once upon a time, but he just couldn’t love me? My thoughts and feelings are racing this evening.

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NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/03/2026 18:59

You're finally feeling safe, so you're safe to start feeling. That's how long it's taken for you to 'calm down' from being on high alert all of the time.

He could have been very different. But he chose not to be. Which is why you left - it's no bigger than that, really, it's just your brain hasn't been able to relax enough to reach that conclusion yet.

Therapy will help. And reminding yourself that these feelings are natural when somebody has finally got away from being under siege mentally for years.

Onebigargh · 29/03/2026 18:59

NeedingASafeSpace · 28/03/2026 21:35

Thanks. I have educated myself with trauma bonding. I couldn’t believe looking something up could answer so many questions as to why I couldn’t leave.
I can’t believe I’m feeling the way I do although I’m not quite sure how it is I do feel..

My assault was 30 years ago and sometimes - not often I will suddenly get hit by it usually a trigger.

For me - it’s like grief it’s not linear. Your brain literally has electricity flowing and it’s constantly sorting and processing.

I do find gardening immensely soothing as do I find podcasts and audio books. Have you read The Midnight library? I do find Michael Moseley just one thing light listening and a pod casts called the science of happiness.

Tell yourself I’m safe I’m ok I’m doing ok and I’m happy now and safe. Sooth the old you and self care.

Cryingatthegym · 29/03/2026 19:00

I've found this happens to me periodically since leaving abuse. I'll be fine for months and then something will trigger me to start ruminating and reliving what we went through.

I think it's normal. I read somewhere to imagine trauma recovery like a spiral, sometimes you might come closer to the source of the pain but you're gradually moving further and further away from it as you heal. That's really helped me, along with brain - dumping everything to Chat GPT just to get it out without burdening friends & family.

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 19:03

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/03/2026 18:59

You're finally feeling safe, so you're safe to start feeling. That's how long it's taken for you to 'calm down' from being on high alert all of the time.

He could have been very different. But he chose not to be. Which is why you left - it's no bigger than that, really, it's just your brain hasn't been able to relax enough to reach that conclusion yet.

Therapy will help. And reminding yourself that these feelings are natural when somebody has finally got away from being under siege mentally for years.

That makes complete sense. I suppose I just feel like I got away with not feeling the “tough” feelings which was very naieve.
I am on a social media break and I am awaiting TV to be installed so I really have a lot of time to feel my feelings. I just feel robbed of a family I could have had and my motherhood experience, too. Now I have to survive each day instead of enjoy it. Work twice as hard for my children and I to get what we need and do it all alone and wonder if one day they’re going to turn around and say I. Was wrong to keep the dad away from them. I’m struggling at the moment to comprehend everything

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NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 19:06

Cryingatthegym · 29/03/2026 19:00

I've found this happens to me periodically since leaving abuse. I'll be fine for months and then something will trigger me to start ruminating and reliving what we went through.

I think it's normal. I read somewhere to imagine trauma recovery like a spiral, sometimes you might come closer to the source of the pain but you're gradually moving further and further away from it as you heal. That's really helped me, along with brain - dumping everything to Chat GPT just to get it out without burdening friends & family.

If you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been for you? I will use the spiral as my ankor when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Thank you.
the number one thing I worry is if my kids one day tell me I was wrong to keep their dad from them. Although, it was purely due to him progressing very quickly with domestic abuse with the last straw he assaulted me when my child was there.

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NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 19:08

Onebigargh · 29/03/2026 18:59

My assault was 30 years ago and sometimes - not often I will suddenly get hit by it usually a trigger.

For me - it’s like grief it’s not linear. Your brain literally has electricity flowing and it’s constantly sorting and processing.

I do find gardening immensely soothing as do I find podcasts and audio books. Have you read The Midnight library? I do find Michael Moseley just one thing light listening and a pod casts called the science of happiness.

Tell yourself I’m safe I’m ok I’m doing ok and I’m happy now and safe. Sooth the old you and self care.

I do quite like podcasts and positive ones at that. I haven’t heard of the ones you mentioned but I wil give it a try. I’m stuck between allowing myself to feel this, or try to distract myself.

OP posts:
Cryingatthegym · 29/03/2026 21:19

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 19:06

If you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been for you? I will use the spiral as my ankor when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Thank you.
the number one thing I worry is if my kids one day tell me I was wrong to keep their dad from them. Although, it was purely due to him progressing very quickly with domestic abuse with the last straw he assaulted me when my child was there.

It's been almost 2 years since I left. Your experience is similar to mine. I'd recommend getting some therapy if you can afford it and don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling. It's all part of the healing process.

Onebigargh · 29/03/2026 21:27

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 19:08

I do quite like podcasts and positive ones at that. I haven’t heard of the ones you mentioned but I wil give it a try. I’m stuck between allowing myself to feel this, or try to distract myself.

Maybe do both. Talk to yourself. Hey me just checking in, you’re here, you’re safe how are you doing? Sounds a bit bonkers but for me it works if I see ‘myself’ eg flashbacks I pause and rewind and I get up close next to her and say it’s ok you’re safe now, you were strong your survived it’s all ok now we took a different path - like the new me talking to the old me Etc I do a lot of CBT grounding techniques and they really work for me. Deep breathing and grounding.

Sendinghugs · 29/03/2026 21:43

Hi, I left around eight years ago and was full of the same worries. It turns out that both of my children know that I am a strong mum who chose to protect them over everything else. They have seen for themselves the type of person their dad is and one of them chooses not to see him at the moment. The other one still does but that’s fine. They have the facts.

If you break it down in the cold light of day, it’s better for them to have divorced parents than to be left with one parent dead and the other one in prison.

I gave my two the chance of a happy childhood, as you are now doing. It’s not easy and I am not perfect but I am doing my best and we are a good team.

i hope you can process your feelings and please don’t worry about how they will feel in the future. It’s likely to be okay if you carry on as you are. I wish you well.

MiddyPHat · 30/03/2026 02:13

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 18:54

I m truly in my feelings tonight about all of this. The feeling are not shifting. I begin to miss the company and then remember what the company was and really resent him. I look at my child and wonder what I’ll ever tell him them about their father (who they do not see due to the DV)…. I loved him deeply once upon a time, but he just couldn’t love me? My thoughts and feelings are racing this evening.

Sometimes we distract or sooth ourselves, it can be good to have things to focus on, to look forward to, & to connect to. Sometimes all we can do is ride the waves. You don't want to spiral down with them, but when thoughts or feelings won't settle and you've tried, you can aim to float on top of them like a log, rather than trying to push them down, or fight against the tide. Sometimes feelings need to be felt, you can feel them now, tomorrow, or 10 years, but they need to be felt, & pushing down just makes them push back harder. It can all be in a tangle, but usually there is a key feeling at the root, fear, anger, sadness. Noticing it & giving it a name, I'm thinking this because I feel angery, can stop the fight to be heard sometimes. Sometimes then it's easier to walk away, or we sit with the feeling, focusing on that, not all the wash of thoughts, the feeling, giving yourself comfort, perhaps a hug, a gentle but firm hand on the chest, kind words. Remind yourself you're safe. When they are lighter it can be more like, noticing them as they arrive, realising you don't need them, & letting them float away, like watching a balloon or kite fly away. Or there's the idea that you've gotten on a thought train, without realising. Noticing, ok, I going to get off this train next stop, and watching the train take off, perhaps you're getting on another train instead. Of course all of this takes practice, don't be discouraged if you keep slipping, it's early days.

Other times you can remind yourself of the thought- feelings- behaviour cycle. This is when people can sometimes get trapped in self destructive behaviours. They get a though, it leads to a feeling such as shame, it leads to a behaviour, the such as not taking care of ourselves, this makes them feel worse. This leads to more thoughts & behaviour. Instead a person might choose a different thought or behaviour, ie it wasn't my fault, I did my best, I'm doing my best, & I'm going to do something kind for myself. The different behaviour then can lead to an improvement feelings. It can be faster, at other times, someone might raise their hearts rate for 30 seconds though exercise or dance, or splash water on their face, it depends on the individual & the situation.

With a thought like, what do I tell my son. This thought seems rooted in fear. Name it. Then depending on the situation. I might be doing something with my child, changing them ect, or they keep asking questions. I feel the frustration. But at the root it's because a fear is taking hold underneath. (I often panic about time). I can't stop what I'm doing & I'm spiralling, suddenly I find myself singing a tune, a song, a nursery rhyme, & slowly I feel the pressure reducing. Sometimes it's finding what works for you. Other times when things are slower & there's no distraction you might use thoughts. Ie, feelings are not facts. This is about fear, but I'm safe. Fact, I'm not going to solve what I'm going to tell my son tonight. Fact, this isn't something you necessarily need to work out for a long time. Fact, it's likely you'll tell him slowly, calmly, in small age appropriate amounts, over the years. Fact, it doesn't need to be perfect, you'll likely have many chances to revisit the conversation. Fact, overtime & with therapy you may come to understand the situation more yourself, & how you might explain more complex questions, make take years to be revealed. Fact, it's will be ok if at times you don't have the answer & just say, I don't know, I don't understand it myself right now, but I'm working on it. Fact, you won't be the only person he can turn to for answers, you may well find other forms of healthy support for him. Fact, you don't have to tell him everything, he may not want to hear all the details, & it will be ok for you to say, I'll talk to you about this later, or I need time to think about that. Try to take the pressure off yourself. I find sometimes after trauma we take on a lot of blame, & too much responsibility. Don't forget yourself, be kind, maybe even pamper yourself now & then, whatever that means to you, even though it might make you feel guilty or unsettled if you're not used to it. I hope this helps a little bit. xxxx

NeedingASafeSpace · 30/03/2026 05:53

Onebigargh · 29/03/2026 21:27

Maybe do both. Talk to yourself. Hey me just checking in, you’re here, you’re safe how are you doing? Sounds a bit bonkers but for me it works if I see ‘myself’ eg flashbacks I pause and rewind and I get up close next to her and say it’s ok you’re safe now, you were strong your survived it’s all ok now we took a different path - like the new me talking to the old me Etc I do a lot of CBT grounding techniques and they really work for me. Deep breathing and grounding.

That’s amazing advice and I have never heard this before. I have tried it and it really helps. Thanks so much. I will be taking this on and it felt quite comforting when I have just tried it. Thank you. I am wishing you all of the best also!

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NeedingASafeSpace · 30/03/2026 05:57

Sendinghugs · 29/03/2026 21:43

Hi, I left around eight years ago and was full of the same worries. It turns out that both of my children know that I am a strong mum who chose to protect them over everything else. They have seen for themselves the type of person their dad is and one of them chooses not to see him at the moment. The other one still does but that’s fine. They have the facts.

If you break it down in the cold light of day, it’s better for them to have divorced parents than to be left with one parent dead and the other one in prison.

I gave my two the chance of a happy childhood, as you are now doing. It’s not easy and I am not perfect but I am doing my best and we are a good team.

i hope you can process your feelings and please don’t worry about how they will feel in the future. It’s likely to be okay if you carry on as you are. I wish you well.

Thank you so much. I am so pleased that your children understand and while it is so unfortunate I’m glad they have had the time away with a healthy mum to now noticed their actions of dad are not healthy. Had you not stepped away they’d think that was normal. But you did and you taught them right which was the whole reason you left in the first place, so for that well done to you. You should be so proud. You chose the right path and it has paid off for you and your children❤️.
At what age do I explain things properly to them? They’re very young at the moment (1 and 4) age changes for post to hide identity but true age not far off at all! I suppose it’s when I get the questions through…

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