To refuse to pay for his dental implants?

[whatisgoingonandwhy]

DH had to have dental implants about 8 years ago and I think they cost around £7000 and a denture. Fast forward to now one of the implants failed after he had sat on the denture, bent it and hadn’t been wearing it so the pressure was all on the implant.
He has now had a quote for dental work at £18,000 and I told him to try and get a second opinion. Now had a quote from his own dentist who is still training until September for £9,000 but no option to spread the cost.
My AIBU is that he has always had crap teeth and part of this is because he doesn’t look after them. We have a private dentist for which are a family we pay £100 per month and last year they were chasing him for months to book a check up. I also understand that implants are more likely to fail if you have gum disease, smoke and drink to excess, all of which he does and doesn’t look after himself but that’s another story. He has been making more of an effort to take care of his teeth but that’s only recently after the issues started up again, before that he refused an electric toothbrush and didn’t floss ever.
We could afford the £9,000 at a push but it feels like throwing good money after bad. Would I be unreasonable to veto the implants and say he should go for dentures? He is 58 if that makes a difference.

Surgeons denying treatment is a different ethical can of worms.

If you have a sweet tooth and end up with cavities, would you accept someone else demanding you give up chocolate as a quid pro quo for funding the dental treatment? I very much doubt it.

If my OH did that, I'd be separating finances as a prelude to splitting up. It comes across as very controlling where one partner controls the purse strings like that.

But the family fiances have already funded the treatment once and it has failed through his inability to stick to the post treatment advice. Let's also not forget there is also a cheaper treatment available to fix the issue (a bridge or denture plate)

What is more analogous is if he needed new work shoes and family fiances had paid for a decent quality pair and he had deliberately ruined or lost them through carelessness. I would be prepared to use money from the family pot to fund a new pair, but maybe a cheaper pair.

He's not a candiate for one set of implants, never mind a second crack of the whip.

Dentures.

Alternative is to go to Turkey it will be much cheaper

Assuming his DP as financial controller consented to the air fare, of course.

In his shoes I'd be taking back control of my finances PDQ. Like hell would I let someone dictate what medical or dental treatment I receive.

I mean that is always an option open to him - spend his own money differently. Or take adult responsibility rather than handing management of all the finances over to his partner.

It sounds like he has money of his own to spend but chooses to spend it on alcohol and cigarettes. Or he could borrow the money - he is an adult with a job after all.

But in our finances shared money is for bills, household repairs and food. Everything else we want we fund from our own savings and make choices like adults.

The OP said she is able to "veto" expenditure- seems to me she is granting him pocket money for the booze 'n' cigs and otherwise being restrictive of what is spent. I'd find that set up both stifling and controlling- certainly no one would be vetoing my dental treatment. Anyone- let alone a partner- saying make do with dentures would be told to go forth and multiply.

Oh yeah I would not be able to live with a set up like that, but I presume the OP's DH has agreed to this set up.

I can understand her reluctance given he has already effectively wasted £7k.

It seems that implants have double chance of failing for smokers. I'd tell him give up smoking for a year and I'll contribute to your implant otherwise just get false teeth. Kissing him must be really grim.

I'd be surprised if a dentist would agree to redo them knowing how poor his oral health is.

Someone who chooses not to use an electric brush or floss ever; having had to have several teeth removed and thousands spent on implants is just never going to care.

Dentures are fine and no way should you put good money after bad. It's actually disgusting how he mistreats his mouth and teeth.

I am a smoker and know you have to go to the hygienist and dentist regularly and floss, tp, elec. brush and chlorhexidine mouthwash are essential.

What do you actually get out of this relationship, because I'm not really seeing the appeal

Tell him that x months worth of cigarettes will pay for it and it is up to him which he would prefer.