Anyone else got a moody husband?

[Flightquandry]

Not sure I can take much more tbh. He swears constantly. I get told to Fuck Off and called names. He does all the right stuff on paper that a husband should do, but it’s never with a good heart. Road rage is off the scale. Everyone is a cock, dick, prick, twat etc. He constantly talks to me like he’s the teacher and I’m a child.

He’s not like this all of the time obviously, we also have good times. But I’m growing weary tbh. Hardly have sex anymore either. We’re mid 50’s.

I do all of the housework. He did me a favour today and it was tiresome with his mood.

That’s not moody, that’s abusive.

Get rid. He sounds hideous.

I honestly feel like I’m being gaslit. I used to tie myself up in knots to prove my point . I’m now past caring tbh. Maybe it’s the menopause effect. 😂

Today we had to move one of my adult children into a new place (my child not his), wow the drama! We were going to use our cars. Then this morning he insisted that we hired a van. Then he promptly fell back to sleep. So that left me to hire a van. Apparently it was too big. Of course it was! Guaranteed if I had booked the smaller one it would’ve been too small. You know, that kind of thing?

He had to drive the van because quite frankly I would never have managed. What a meal of it he made. Constant moaning swearing, just making everything very unpleasant. It should have been an exciting day, but his attitude just ruined it for me. Talked about it when we got home and he plainly denies everything. I am just so exhausted.

It’s the little comments too, dressed up as jokes. We were sitting in a very busy line of traffic, when a man came past on a bicycle with a tiny child strapped on the back. He had buses either side of him. I made a comment that that would feel dangerous to me. So then he went on about how if I was in charge of the world nothing would ever happen because I’m too scared of everything. How we wouldn’t have round wheels they would still be square. That kind of crap. It just drains the life out of me.

Instead of feeling jubilant tonight I just feel rubbish. Have come to bed with wine whilst he watches crap downstairs.

After 18 years together do I just throw in the towel?

It’s not all bad. When he’s is a good mood we have an amazing time.

There's literally nothing he could do to offset how rotten and damaging he is. I'd rather be happy and alone than ground down for the rest of my life with this miserable dementor. Please don't waste more good years on him.

The good times do not in any way cancel out his childish bullshit. Do you really want to get old with a man like that? You will be freer and happier without his nonsense.

This

What happens when you call him out on this?
I e experienced similar with a partner and it was related to an external stressor which he was taking out on me. I called him out on it. I basically said it stops now or we're done. He was moody for a while but would keep it to himself. Once the stressor was gone things returned to normal.

Things ended a while later for other reasons.

If this is a recent change then it can be reversed. If he's always been like this then it's not worth staying.

Moodiness is one thing but personal attacks are a line that should not be crossed and would have me giving an ultimatum.

The word you are looking for is not moody. Unpleasant at best and abusive at worst. Who wants to live with that? I’d make a decision not to put up with it and mean it. I would make a plan for what I would say/ do every time he behaves like this. It’s difficult to be generic with this because it would need to be what is most likely to get his attention and change his behaviour and be most manageable for you. Give it some thought. For me it would probably include leaving the room / his presence / the situation immediately every time. Eg in the car example id tell him to stop the car and then get out and find my own way home (I live in a city so easy for me to say). Perhaps there are better ways for you to inconvenience him more and you less.

I get told to Fuck Off and called names. He does all the right stuff on paper that a husband should do.

Well, no. One of the right things a husband should do - probably the most important thing a husband should do - is respect his wife and treat her kindly.

Yeah my thoughts exactly. I seen the post name and thought aw god yeah my husband is so grumpy always mumping n moaning but does things anyway but isn’t horrible to me at all !