Colleague is just bloody mean

[Workworkmorework]

I’ll make this as short as possible….

started a job about 5 years ago, and thought I got on with everyone in my team until now. We are a small team of 5, one has just got on mat leave, and company hasn’t recruited to fill the position. All of us are picking up the slack, and getting things done, we work a variety of shifts covering the mon-fri.

one team member has been there for years, but over the years (before I started) has been in various roles in the business, and has has lots of ups and downs in her personal life, which has been no secret- she openly discusses her mental health, and has lots of support from our team, and the whole business (over 100 employees).

the issue is that she will frequently be in a ‘mood’ because of (to everyone else) a minor inconvenience, but then takes it out on everyone else. If someone makes an error, or does something she doesn’t like, after she has had a bad day/ weekend (not often but we are human!) she will take it out on anyone- usually picks her victim, and it’s never usually the same person each time. This could be anything from shouting at them, or completely blanking them. This makes the work place a very uncomfortable place to be. However, everyone makes excuses for her. ‘Oh it’s just th way Sandra is’ ‘oh she will be fine in a couple of days’. Quite frankly I am sick of people making excuses for her- yes you may be in a bad mood- but there’s no need to be a shitty person.

this week, we were short staffed (one because of the mat leave but two because of annual leave). And on arriving at work on Monday, it was clearly my turn to be on the receiving end.

I am far from perfect, and when I do things wrong, I like to be corrected so that I don’t do it again/can learn from my mistakes. but as far as I am aware- I have done nothing. Yet, she completely stonewalled me ALL week, made my (already stressful!) week beyond stressful, I avoided my work environment for as much as I could, as In moving around the building. I am quite hardy, I take a lot on the chin- but my goodness, she broke me this week. I cried ALOT.

And yet everyone who had asked me why I was upset made excuses yet again- oh Sandra does this, don’t worry about it. I do not go to work to be made to feel like that, and nor should anyone else!

AIBU to make a formal complaint?

Yikes, that sounds potentially v awkward!

FWIW, I have a colleague who has "progressed" from being a grumpy stickler for the rules to outright shouting at me and our manager. I went to HR because it was completely batshit how she ranted at me! Made me feel like I was having an argument with my DH, rather than being at work. No idea what HR did, but a few weeks later said colleague shouted at her manager again, telling them to get out as she doesn't want to see them!

Well done, op, that sounds positive. Fingers crossed that it has worked…

Well done OP. Sounds like you've handled it well and now she's on HR radar which she should be.
For myself, I am quite tolerant and patient, I'll overlook moodiness, shunting their work my way occasionally, messiness, borrowing my work stuff, etc. But one thing I don't tolerate is someone shouting at me at work. That's a boundary and one I would always go to HR about, though thankfully it's only happened to me once and the guy was universally acknowledged as a prick.
This is a good time to rethink workplace boundaries and reflect on what behaviour you're willing to let go and what you're not.

Start a file and put every incident into it contemporaneously

No, Sandra cannot be excused from being in a bad mood if it's nasty undermining t you all. Sorry but my reply is limited to a stupid malfunction so I can't see see what I'm typing.

We're all human and shouldn't have to put up with this. As teachers we know you can't talk to students this way, so same in the workplace, even more so as all adults and shoukd know by now you don't bully others just because you're feeling annoyed. Of a c medical condition then staff need to be awared bit also delegation to someone who can manage basic social interactions.

I’m not impressed wirh how HR dealt with this. They should have treated your ‘complaint’ as a grievance, and speak to Sandra separately to give her a chance to explain her point of view and then take further action depending on what Sandra said. They could have given Sandra a warning or whatever they felt was necessary to make her stop her behaviour. This could have been done without your knowledge, the only thing you should have noticed was the outcome, ie Sandra becoming nicer. Getting you both in the same room to sort it out it’s like one does with children at school. Awkward.

this sort of mediation was offered to me when i complained about a nasty colleague.
i wasnt happy to accept that
she never did apologise, she did leave in the end luckily for me

I have also worked with a person like this. Many, many moons ago in my first job. Her name was…Sandra.

She was a nasty piece of work who was actually quite good at the technical side of her job. She had had a really traumatic event happen in her life. No one could speak to Sandra first in case she was “upset”. Everyone, including senior partners, tip toed around Sandra. Even in my youth and inexperience. I could see that Sandra was a nasty piece of work who used her trauma to excuse her treatment of others. She particularly targeted younger, more attractive women in their 20s. It was a real eye opener for me.