to feel old and frumpy

[Summerfreak]

I’m 45. Recently started a relationship with a wonderful man. Everything is going really well.
We chose some lingerie for me and it arrived today. It’s beautiful. Really sexy. I tried it on and just wanted to cry
im 5’1 and 9 stone 7. That doesn’t sound ‘too bad’ but looking in the mirror sickens me. My tummy is big and flabby(yes I’ve had children).
Now, he clearly fancies me, but I’m so worried he’s going to be disappointed when he sees frumpy old me in this set, as it looks nothing like it does on the model on the website.
I’ve been(happily) single for about 3 years and the last time I was intimate with anyone, I was around a stone lighter.
Help me feel better about this please, if possible. Thanks

He'll be highly excited to see you in the lingerie. Maybe play acting your confidence to start with will help get you to a better place in your mind. He clearly wants you to feel sexy, give yourself permission!

While I was in the shop I bought stockings and a body thing in the same style as the lingerie set. Never worn anything like that in my life. Feel a right weirdo in it!

Candlelight can do wonders for one’s confidence. Nobody, absolutely no one, looks good under harsh lights.

What’s he going to wear for you? If you’re going to be a visual object for him, it should go both ways imo. Maybe focus more on what his body looks like and let him be the one to focus on yours.

Surely it 's you that is important not the lingerie OP?
It seems you are putting quite a bit of pressure on yourself by needing to dress up for your first sex together. Shouldn't you both be concentrating on getting to know each other's bodies and save the dressing up till later?

It’s not the first time. Been together about a month now

Then he knows and likes what he’s getting and the lingerie will enhance that.

I’m the same height as you and a stone heavier and don’t think I look huge…. You’re being really hard on yourself I’m sure you look great!!!

The day before you plan on wearing it go on a big walk or run, anything really that gets your heart rate up and you will feel so much better the next day.

Every time I go for a hike or do a big cardio session at the gym the next day my face looks better and you feel just generally better about yourself.

Once you’ve done that take your time to have a bit of a pamper with something funny on in the background so you’re not solely focussing on your body and you’ll feel miles better I promise. He obviously fancies you and we are all our own worst critic.

Well if it's not the first time he must be aware of what your body is like so why are you worrying?

I’m 5ft 2in and 9 st 4 and everyone says I’m thin but I still think my stomach is huge and I get self conscious. I bet you look great in that lingerie, just go for it 😀

I agree with PPs that you probably look fantastic (or else why would he suggest lingerie??) and he probably can't wait to see you in it, but also, it's totally natural to feel nervous - a month is not a long time! It's okay to say you're not ready to wear it yet if that's how you feel. Comfort and confidence comes first, fancy lingerie later!

That said, if you do want to wear it, you could soften it a bit - e.g. by wearing an oversized sheer shirt over the top, so the lingerie is just visible underneath? You can unbutton to wherever you're comfortable with!

I think a month is pretty early to be force feeding each other lingerie. Like the first 6 months your bodies should be innately exciting with no trappings

I agree with the sheer shirt over the top, to “soften” the hard lines of a sexy outfit.

Combine that with some softer lighting, maybe add some music that you both enjoy.

I quite like pretend play, which helps cover up my lack of body confidence.
when I act confident, it sort of makes me more confident in that situ’, and if your man is worth his salt, he’ll know how hard it is for you, and he’ll be bolstering up your confidence, or at least he should do.

I’m in my seventies, so I probably feel I have more to “disguise” than you.

As long as you don’t feel like you’re being manipulated, try to “let go” of your inhibitions and insecurities, have fun and ENJOY the experience.
If you end up hating it, never do it again- at least you’ll have tried.

Invest in a pretty satin robe to go over it, then you can feel less vulnerable, and do a discreet reveal. He won't care, he'll just be absolutely thrilled you've taken the trouble for him. Frankly, when I'm in sexy lingerie I think I would make a cat laugh, but my husband adores it. Oh, and I'm older and fatter than you. Try adding high heels. Even if you can't walk far in them. You only have to walk as far as the bed to get the full effect.

However, a word of warning. Those "bodies" (like swimsuits but fastening underneath) are lovely for smoothing out bumps under dresses, but if you start getting sexy they're not ideal, as once the fastenings are released, they tend to roll up over a rounded tummy with the speed of a spring-loaded roller blind, thus creating a tight elastic band under the boobs. Learn from my mistakes.......

When I met my now partner, I felt the same. I bought myself a nice bran and knicker set from M&S but also bought the matching cami top and French knickers to wear over as it’s more flattering

Find some body confidence. Confidence,a long with the ability to portray it can be very sexy. 😉

Thanks ladies. I’ve put a bit of tan on, and feeling a bit more confident that I can do this. He’s so lovely and makes it clear how he feels about me. It’s me he’s interested in, the sexy lingerie is just a bonus. Now to Google ‘how to work suspenders’ 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Been there! Very unsexy once released 😂