Mean girl at school

[Putthekettleon73]

I know I am. I know it's playground stuff and it's normal, I'm looking for advice on how to make my daughter stop trying with the mean girls and stop wanting to be liked by them..help!

Example. Today three kids playing.. my (very nice honest!) daughter asked yo play. Told no, it's a 3 person game. She sees another girl go up and ask same question, to be told yeh sure.

So my daughter asks again "no it's a 4 person game now".

It just makes her feel so rubbish but she KEEPS trying because shes attracted to this alpha girl who seems to be in control. Desperate to be liked. How can I get her to walk away and stop trying and play with others??

She's 7.

How old? We’ve been through some of this, Altho only with older daughter. Since then things have shifted round a good bit & groups have divided up quite differently from before & the popular girls are a) not as popular and b) have changed. But this is within what I would think of as a fairly large year group.
smaller groups will have different dynamics. We spent a lot of time pointing out that’s not how friends treat us, sometimes outright commenting that something was mean, cultivating other friends with play dates etc, really trying to bolster her confidence.
its a hard time.

When mine were young I explained to them that kids can be mean so the mean kids instant reaction will be ‘no’ if you ask to play. So never ask, just start playing.

I also instilled in them should they be asked, always say yes, as we’re inclusive people not exclusive.

It’s first hard for them to understand but said enough it does sink in eventually. So first step, tell your child not to ask, just start playing / joining in.

The OP says, quite clearly at the bottom
of her post that her daughter is 7, yet the first thing you ask in your reply is ‘how old is she?’

Are there other (nice) little girls in her class that you can encourage and cultivate friendships with? Invite them to tea or take them out for a fun activity, get your daughter having fun with others and encourage a wide group of friends rather than one or two intense friendships. Keep telling your daughter that she needs to stay away from girls who are mean and leave people out - no-one should be friends with someone who's mean to them. She will get there, help her build other friendships and make friends through out of school activities also.

I deeply apologise for having overlooked it & appreciate your helpful reply to the op’s problem 🙄

It's a tiny class..in a tiny school! 😬. Only 7 girls in her year. And two are paired up and inseperable. I have done many playdates. Even this mean one. Not returned obvs.

I feel now she needs to come home and just be herself!

She's such a kind funny thing. Just not alpha or able to stand up for herself. Our main message has always been for her to be kind.
I am thinking I should maybe move her to a bigger school but she's not deeply unhappy. Just a bit unhappy. And there's mean girls everywhere!

Thank you everyone for replying.

i thought this was them being helpful, you know, showing the mean girl response to your post! 😆