To distance myself from people who are unfaithful (not to me, to others)

[Macmeme]

Last few years (40s) ive become aware of people who are not particularly close to me but I have to deal with, who are unfaithful to their long term partner.

E.g most recently
Boss and one of my team members
Lady on sports team

I just feel like I would rather not deal with these people, since they obviously lied/ are lying to their wives/husband/children etc etc, I then find them generally untrustworthy.

Am I being unreasonable to no longer want to be in a team with this lady and no longer want to work for this boss? Or am I being a judgemental person and going a bit overboard with black and white thinking?

I will add that lady in sports team is really fun- but drama and gossip as well. Boss appears to be pretty manipulative (e.g will butter you up then dump work on you thats above your grade then disaappear when support is needed). So i think in other ways its added to what I already knew about them?

You can absolutely feel that you don't want to work with them. You feel how you feel.

However, you obviously cannot expect an employer to organise teams around you and your personal feelings about your colleagues and their private lives. If you want to distance yourself, it's up to you to look for another job.

A little unreasonable, yes. Because all that's happened here is that you've discovered these people's unsavoury secrets.
Many of the other people you know will have similar or worse skeletons in their closets about which you're none the wiser.
Also, bad behaviour in one area of life doesn't have to define a whole person. I knew a woman who had an affair for ten years, but she was one of the best colleagues I'd ever had. Supportive, exemplary at her job. People are a complicated mix of good and bad and the best way to relate to those you have to interact with on the sort of superficial level you describe is to take them as you find them.
(I see from your most recent posts the people concerned have had a negative impact on you personally, which is not unreasonable to want distance from.)

The idea of trying to change team because my boss had an affair is baffling. It’s really none of your business and irrelevant in the workplace. And who cares what people on your sports team get up to when not playing hockey or football or whatever? Why on earth would it matter??

Maybe you wouldn’t want to be close friends with them if you really have a problem with infidelity (wouldn’t bother me personally) but I think you are getting this completely out of proportion.

I'm the same. The things you do and say show your character. Some characteristics are so unpleasant to me that I dont wish to be friends with anyone who displays them.

I dont think thats unusual.

I find this sort of argument very glib to be honest.

Am I morally perfect? No. Have I done a thing highly deceitful that would be intention or by neglect harm another person? Also no.

I don't mind imperfections in people. Lord knows I have enough.

It's also perfectly normal to avoid people who make continuously bad moral choices that harm others.

My husband wouldn't listen to me about his first choice for best man, because said best man cheated on his fiancé when she was 5m post partum. Somebody who'd do that didn't deserve the accolade of "best" anything, and besides, it was perfectly clear that he was lying to my husband a lot as well. Turns out he then went on to seriously let my husband down for the wedding too.

But hey, by all means keep transparently shitty people in your life, unless god forbid you exercise your judgement and ditch them.

If they’re just work colleagues or acquaintances, then that’s all they are and you have to just have whatever contact is necessary to do your job or whatever. I definitely wouldn’t want to be friends with them as they wouldn’t be my sort of people.

I like my friends to be honest and straightforward. If people can fuck their partner over, they’re capable of doing the same to anyone else. I can’t respect or like people with low morals like that.

That’s your right. However, despite what we read on MN, you can be a decent person to everyone else even if you cheat on a partner.

If it is that much of an issue with your boss, perhaps you should look for another job as if you are constantly judging him, it doesn’t make for a great working relationship

So it's not anything to do with the actual morality of the adultery at all. It's more to do with the effect of the adultery on work and the sports team.
Presumably if your boss had no favourites and there was no team bust up you'd be happy not to leave either despite the adultery?
Now that makes more sense.

Dont be ridiculous! OP isnt unreasonable. I wouldnt leave a job but I wouldnt form close relationships with people I found to be morally corrupt.

OP can set moral standards for the relationships they wish to maintain; they can state they dont want to be involved with liars and cheats even if they have previously used a legal loophole to avoid paying tax or ran an amber light which could both be construed as morally dubious or unethical.

What a way to admit you condone cheating or that you're a cheater without saying you're a cheater...

I have never cheated in my life but I have enough awareness not to call people ‘morally corrupt’ just for cheating on their partner.

And Tbf with that attitude, I don’t think they will be going out of their way to be friends with you so everyone’s a winner 🤷‍♀️

Morally corrupt describes a person or system lacking integrity, acting dishonestly, or violating ethical principles for self-serving reasons, such as money or power. It indicates a fundamental decline in moral values and a lack of conscience, often shown through exploitative, deceitful, or cruel actions.

I think morally corrupt is a perfect descriptor for someone who cheated on their spouse; someone who is dishonest, self serving and suffering a decline in values, deceitful and cruel. If you're happy to surround yourself with people who wear that hat then fair play, good for you, each to their own. I'll sit this side of the fence and bid you a happy evening.

Yanbu.It tells me a lot about their fundamental values. And I can't respect anyone who can lie to and make a fool of their spouse or partner.

I have ditched friends for it and changed how I interact with work colleagues

And it definitely affects who people are perceived at work. I have seen otherwise talented people miss out on promotions as a result of a reputation for using work as an illicit dating agency

Cheating is morally corrupt though. Making someone unwittingly live a lie. Risking their sexual and physical health. Lying to them repeatedly through actions and omission.

I disagree. Cheats don't care about how their behaviour impacts their spouse, their affair partner, their children, their friends and families or their colleagues and employer. That makes them tremendously selfish and deceitful people

I have no issue with people having open relationships. But people choosing to lie to have a one sided open relationship are grim

I am not arrogant enough to think I have never done anything negative or made a mistake in my life though - I am surprised at those who haven’t done anything that has hurt anyone in their entire existence.

i haven’t and would not cheat but I can recognise why people do it, I have seen people stay happily with an affair partner for 40 plus years (and, despite what people on the RL board think, it is very rarely done in a vacuum).

ironically one couple are two of the most honest people I know! The wife cheated because the husband was beating the shit out of her regularly.

Assuming you are faithful yourself, and never voted for a Tory party led by Boris Johnson (or did not take part), you are reasonable to follow such a course of action. At work you don't have to be friends, just civil to each other.

I was in a violent relationship, I left first and then met someone new when I was ready.

Well good for you. Back in the day it wasn’t so easy but I’m sure you are better morally than other victims of DA.

I wouldn’t necessarily end a friendship or an acquaintance but I would (and do) judge. I hate it when I see them playing happy families but know they have been playing away.

I judge silently but it probably makes me a wimp, not wanting to get involved.

This is a very extreme way of thinking. No one knows what really goes on in relationships.