Burnt out caring for elderly dog with chronic skin and eye issues

[Cel119]

Tbh, I already know most people's answers to this. Mpst dog lovers will probably say I'm unreasonable. Its not really a question of if I am being unreasonable but more, does anyone relate? I have a 13 year old dog. My mum had him since a puppy. I had to take him when my mum died suddenly in 2024. He was a good boy(for the most part) up until 7 years old. He was well house trained, ok on the lead. I couldnt do amazing things with him training wise as he is a lhasa apso and notoriously difficult to train. However, when he got to about 7 years old he started to develop a skin condition. Scabs appearing everywhere, ears crusty. Vets cant find whats wrong despite multiple tests. I have a feeling they probably could but enjoy the money they make from my frequent vet visits. Before my mum died she reported that he had attacked a hedgehog(whilst my mum tried to wrestle him off, put the hedgehog in a dust pan to transport him out of the garden away from the dog) and my dog came out worst off. The stupid dog injured his eye. For the last 2 years I have been dealing with his eye which is neurogenic dry eye affecting his nostril on the same side too. He has a crusty eye, crusty nose, crusty ears, crusty skin and pretty much bald on his back. He smells within 2 days of a shower. Cheesy gross smell so I cant have him in carpeted areas. I have tried fungal baths. I have changed him to raw which resulted in diarheoh that never resolved and persisted for 1.5 months. Added biscuits and that solidified the poo but skin got worse. Tried butternut box, diarheoh skin a little better. Tried supplements, own fresh cooked food. Etc I have tried everything, spent 1000s at the vet. He is on optimmune and it seemed to help resolve the eye but the other day he had his regular shower and soap got in his eye. Its set his whole eye back. I have just grown to resent and hate this dog. He has the most problems I have ever experienced in any dog. The vets also pee me off and just seem to push for more money. Trying to sell extra bits here and there whenever I go or offer completely unrelated tests. They dont cut the slack and offer a yearly prescription when they know the medicine works and has for a while. They then turn their nose up if im not willing to pay for certain things they offer. Last time I went she wanted to do a glaucoma test which would cost £70. His eye was improved and being managed. Noone had ever mentioned glaucoma and he had no symptoms of it. I denied it thinking why are we doing that test when we have identified what is wrong. She got peed at me and start sneering about me not being willing to pay. This then makes me feel more resentment I feel bad for hating him but he literally annoys the hell out of me now. He shits and pisses on pads I leave out every night. Yes, he's old, but I get up at 3am when he whines to go out to still wake up to mess 4 hours later. I dont know when is the time to say goodbye. Does anyone relate? Has anyone ever just reached a point of burnout with their pet? One thing is for sure and that is I will never get a dog again...

I dont use scented house hold products. I have a dog friendly odour neutraliser near his bed because his skin is awful smelling. I have tried apoquel and I didnt see any improvement with it and found out it can actually make things worse so stopped that. I have eliminated beef and poultry. He has oily fish, duck, rabbit and lamb tripe(which smells so bad I gag and once nearly threw up on his food) raw food.
I went to vet and they expressed his anal gland and said there was nothing there so not that. I really have tried everything.

Heh, I looked at the Raw tripe & oily fish mince and thought it must smell vile!

If you're spending this much at the vet's, I would have thought he'd been tested (and treated as necessary) for underlying conditions like thyroid, liver, kidney, stomach ulcers, blood disorder, etc. An autoimmune condition as serious as this would usually be connected to some other organ malfunction, hence my thought it's probably allergic.

I have heard of cynical vets ignoring problems in order to persist treatments, though it must be quite rare. It's still worth consulting another vet for a fresh perspective, though?

Yes. He has had a lot of blood tests. I asked about cushings and he said that he had a dog with it and she would literally scavenge from the bin because she was so hungry all the time. Though, I thought at the time it may not present the same in every dog so hardly a real test. He had a blood test after that and he said that his cholesterol was good and thats usually elevated significantly with cushings. He had thyroid and all autoimmune tests. It probably is an allergy or an immune system problem.

Im going to hazard a guess and say that you are being sarcastic....?

Have you taken him to a different vet if you're unhappy with the current one? Have you taken him to a vet that specializes in dermatology? Eye specialist?
My dog had severe gut issues as a puppy so we saw an internal medicine vet, 12 years on and his issues are barely present due to diet and medication.
Oh and your dog isn't deliberately eating grass to be revengeful, I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. Dogs eat grass when they have stomach issues. He's trying to tell you how he's feeling but you're so full of resentment you cannot see it. Poor dog.

I know they dont eat grass on purpose but all the problems are causing me a lot of work especially when he spews on the only bit of carpet he has access to.

Honestly, I’m not. It sounds like you and the dog are suffering.

Because of the circumstances you are attributing motives to the dog that he hasn’t got. The scooting and eating grass etc aren’t behavioural, he is uncomfortable. I wouldn’t feel guilty about having him pts , you and the dog are both unhappy and he knows you’re cross with him. I think your feelings about the dog are related to your bereavement. I actually would feel more guilty about keeping this going. Show him a bit of love and spoil him for a week then let him go.

Aw the poor thing has suffered enough, please let him go 😥

I think this poster was being serious. It does sound as though it would be kinder to put this dog to sleep.

It sounds as though you have done a lot to make the dog’s life more comfortable but are reaching the end. That is all right. You and your needs are important too, you cannot sacrifice your wellbeing (you mention having to get up at 3 then 7 every night and endlessly clean up) for a dog.

Yes, and the problem with this is that I actually think the sleep disturbances is what contributed to my mums death. She was still working before she died, but was due to retire. She would be up at 6am as liked to get home earlier so would start work earlier. The dog would wake her at least 2 times a night and she would be going to bed at 9pm. She was complaining about him to me and saying she was exhausted. I had volunteered to take him, then. She kept refusing saying that he is too much to care for with a child too. She wasnt wrong but at least i would have been able to have a day or 2 break if she took him now and then. No other family will deal with him. She then died, in her sleep, of a heart attack. No, im not blaming him, but i do think it contributed to her death andit does take its toll on the owner and I have grown sick to the bsck teeth.
A bit of an update too. I gave him his usual shower and somehow its caused problems with both his eyes. Shampoo got in them and i rinsed it thoroughly. I am currently treating with chloramphenicol but its not making as much of a difference as I hoped. So... back to vets and I think I will speak to him about how caring for him is taking its toll. I cant seem to touch the dog without it causing a health problem. Its truly put me off ever owning a dog again.

He’s at the end of his happy life. Putting him to sleep would be the kindest thing for him. And you.

Why on earth aren't you seeking an opinion from another vet? You aren't locked into any contracts.

Your resentment for both the dog and the vet are oozing out of every post!

Find another vet that will give fresh eyes on his conditions, and perhaps be more compassionate with regards to the PTS option.

Sorry about your dm op and sorry about the situation you're in now with your dog .

You need to be realistic, he is 13 not a young dog and sounds like his quality of life is very poor so you sadly need to consider euthanasia. Also, do try and go in with him upsetting though it is, we are their everything and all dogs hate the vets. We should be with them at the end to comfort them .

Erm.. did you miss the title of the post? When you clicked did you expect to find a pet owner with no particular opinion on the matter, shrugging and scratching her tit. Of course my resentment to the vet is showing. I will not attend another vet accessible to me as I had a bad experience a long time ago there. Its cost me a fortune and I also have insurance and pet food(very particular type due to all problems which is hit and miss) to contend with. There is one particular vet there that is very good and understanding and will try and do only what is necessary. However, if I have to take him in emergency I have to see another vet and they always try to push more and more cost on me. However, this is something I have experienced in every vet I have been to over the 20 years of dog ownershop. Its not isolated to this vet so little use in changing when at least one pro at this vet is understanding. Its just it usually has to be a routine appointment as he is booked up. Hardly resentment to the dog when im paying a fortune to care for him. More resentment to the cost and nothing improving.

'She then died, in her sleep, of a heart attack. No, im not blaming him, but i do think it contributed to her death andit does take its toll on the owner and I have grown sick to the bsck teeth.'

Disturbed sleep wouldn't have caused a heart attacked, she'll sadly have had heart disease or other underlying issues.

This is such a sad situation for you and the poor dog.

Just don’t let the vet pressure you to spend a lot more money and put yourself and the dog through further distress.

OP, your posts are loaded with guilt and angst. Please stop worrying and put this into perspective. You lost your DM and took on her extremely difficult and unwell dog. Good for you! Many people would not have done that. Since taking him on you've impoverished and exhausted yourself trying to care for him and it's made not the slightest bit of difference - he's still sick and arguably his issues have got even worse. He may still have energy, but his quality of life must be very poor. Imagine for a moment that you have the skin, eye and digestive issues that he has. Would you be happy? Loving life? Feeling good? Of course you wouldn't. His life is shit, despite all the stress you've put yourself through to try and make it better.

The kindest thing you could do, for both of you, is have him PTS. He's lived to 13, which is a decent age for a dog. So what if you had one that lived longer? I had a cat that lived to 19, but no other cat that anyone in my family has ever owned has lived that long, so that one was an anomaly. You don't have to keep doing this. Lose the guilt, accept that his life is shit and that you've done enough. It's time to take him to the vet for the final time. You are the owner, the decision is yours and yes, many people get their pets PTS because they've had enough. You don't have to martyr yourself for this dog

Why sarcastic? Putting this dog to sleep sounds like the right (and obvious) thing to do.

I wonder whether a farm vet would be a bit more pragmatic. I remember my Mum (years ago) telling a vet that she couldn’t afford a kidney transplant for our elderly cat; he took her seriously and told her that there were many other things he could try. She was a bit taken aback and got on much better with the vet who didn’t keep suggesting it was her duty to prolong the life of an old cat with various heart and kidney problems.

@Cel119 do you think the dog enjoys his quality of life?

You're clearly not enjoying the dog.

I have dogs but if this were me and my dog then I'd have the dog put down as it clearly isn't nice for the dog being like this.

OP it's wrong to keep a dog alive just because otherwise you'd feel guilty. This dog has 101 problems by the sounds of it and the vet is just seeing pound signs. Unfortunately putting down a dog means no more money for the vets so they are often keen to try every other possible solution.

I think putting this dog to sleep would be a kindness to both of you, they've had a good length of life but the problems are becoming too much.