Adding a TW here due to mention of suicide in case it is needed.
In need of some fairly urgent responses/advice please, as no idea what to do or how best to approach this.
DD has not long turned 18 and has been at college. Her attendance this year has been really quite poor, which is mainly due to mental health. She hasn’t been diagnosed with it but clearly has depression. There are a number of contributing factors for this - in general she’s had a time of it over the past 10 years. Bereavement of both grandads, one to cancer and one to suicide, history of SH and an unhealthy relationship in high school (I don’t want to go into details really but police were involved and it was unfortunately NFA’d), and then last year one of her friends who she had gone through high school with and also was on some of the same college courses died unexpectedly due to a medical condition. DD has managed really well considering, but since February hasn’t been into college - she’s struggled due to the anniversary of her friends passing coming up, she doesn’t like being at college in person or in classrooms she was in with her friend.
A number of weeks ago I had a meeting with college and I had explained everything beforehand to the pastoral lead. In one of her subjects she’s getting an A* despite attendance. In her other two the exams are in May time. I was told that ideally in those two subjects they wanted her to just go in for the AS level rather than A level. I told them I’d speak to DD, that she wouldn’t be in until after friends anniversary and I’d let them know. DD refused to only take the AS level and wanted to do the a-level exams. I let college know. DH and I have tried to help but she seems to be getting worse - her sleep is knackered, she’s not really going out and she’s not eating properly. She’s staying in her room a lot. I’ve tried to talk about counselling, about going to the doctors. She doesn’t want either option. I’ve talked about college with her and she can’t bare to be in the building but still wants to do her exams. She can’t wait to leave though. Historically it’s been difficult to get her to open up and due to her mood at the moment I am of course very worried but also don’t want to push her. Like I say she seems to be getting worse, she’s not leaving the house and when she has it’s been with her friend and she’s not got out of the car, only once to go into a supermarket, which she said wasn’t too bad but she doesn’t like it when there are lots of people about as it makes her panicky and anxious. I haven’t been able to get a lot of communication from her but continue to try.
Throughout this I have been dealing with panic disorder myself, which I’ve had for a number of years but a meds change last year completely through me off kilter and I have been unwell mentally. I am getting there slowly but feel that this has also possibly had some negative impact on DD and I feel awful for that. I’ve had an email from college late yesterday. They had tried to ring me (I was asleep) and also had sent an email earlier in the week which I didn’t initially see. The email talked about withdrawing DD from the college. I responded last night updating them and talked about DD still wanting to do the exams but she is finding life very difficult right now. I’ve received an email back from them this morning to say that due to her attendance it’s not going to be an option and I need to ring the pastoral lead today to discuss what options are open to DD. DD wasn’t planning on going to university, but I’m so worried about how this is possibly going to impact her. I know I need to call them and speak to them, and I will, but I don’t know what to do any more.
Any advice would be really appreciated. I am terrified, especially given her current mood and losing my dad to suicide.