Just normal girls??

[Motherhood2025]

D has settled into secondary very well. Gone up with friends from primary school & spends most of time in a threesome (walk to school/same tutor/classes). A lot of the time this is fine. However, every couple of weeks D comes home frustrated & upset that one of the girls is moody and not nice to her (& sometimes the other girl but usually my D) as she feels left out. This goes around & happen every couple of weeks & sometimes my D is left out but deals with it okay & gets on with it. I am good friends with this girls mum & we have chatted and said they need to get on with it. I have checked phone - no nastiness (although this other girl has caused some issues in a new friendship group they all made and this has now broken apart). It is very boring & I can only say to my D so many times let her get on with it, its her issue and you won't change how she feels however, D feels upset that she can't do anything without getting accused of this. I am under no illusion my D is an absolute angel but she is definitely more mature at dealing with this. I struggle to let go and then worry about her the whole day she is at school as she says I am not walking today and puts her on edge. Am I just being overly protective and need to let her get on with it. My D says she has lots of friends at school but obs this is her closest.

Every few weeks?

Could this be hormonal for the "moody" girl?

It is best to let them get on with it, especially as there is no bullying or nastiness, they will learn thier way and your DD will learn how to navigate conflict.

My year 4 DD is having a few friendship issues in a similar sense of so and so is being left out. All the girls involved are equally to blame as the other. One parent though like to blame it on the more outspoken child, which makes it trickier. It is good that you and other mums are on the same page.

I know mine is younger (and possibly ND) but we talk through role plays/scenarios and discuss how we would deal with certain situations but also she has a worry diary, which sometimes is more of a "frustration diary" where she writes out what happened and processes it in her head.

Your DD bringing it home and talking to you if probably her way of processing and getting the frustration out (a bit like us coming home and off loading after work).

It can be tedious, but I'd be happy she's still keen to tell you her worries. If you show you listen to the small stuff, she'll be more likely to come to you with the big worries.

Just ride it out. Sometimes people set a timer and you use that time to off load about your day and get it out of your system and then when the time is up, you put it aside and carry on with your evening. Is this something that work for you both? It might help stop rumination on your DD's part and make it more manageable for you?

girls in groups of 3 never works out especially in hormonal age groups, encourage her to make other friends.

I have spoken about groups of 3 but although she has lots of friends she does generally get on well with these girls and they bumble along until this girls upsets it again so she feels why should she be the one to move away hence my saying get on with it and let her get on with it - argh!

I think there's a place between trying to fix it and telling her to get on with it. The sounding board and voice of experience position.
As tiresome as this is on repeat, to maintain the role of confident to your child will pay you great dividends in the long run. I must have listened to hours of this from mine over the years, sympathising and offering my two penn'orth, and it built a great foundation of trusted friendship thats lasted into their adulthood.
So keep your patience. Let her keep complaining and repeating herself if she needs to. Sympathise and offer your wisdom for coping strategies. Every conversation you have with your child about their social experiences and responses teaches you more about them and brings you closer, and allows them to work things out with a wiser listener who wants the best for them.