AIBU to feel upset fiancé’s family

[Excitedbride2b]

Hi everyone

I have a feeling I know the answer to this but wanted to ask anyway aibu?

In 2023, my fiance and I got engaged and booked our wedding for this year (venue was booked in Jan 2024, date chosen etc). My fiancé's cousin got engaged in early 2024 and booked there wedding for a year and a day before ours (2025).

During the period from getting engaged to now theres been nothing from my fiancé's family, every time we tried to bring up the wedding we were told 'its ? Wedding first'. I understood this but felt bad for my fiance as he is an only child and his mum hasnt shown interest.

We still dont talk about our wedding with his family because it always goes back to cousins wedding and how much of a wonderful day that was.

Were getting married in September and I'm so excited (sorry cringe I know) but his cousin has now announced theyre pregnant and is due around our wedding. Theres now been talk of the baby and whether cousin and family will be able to come.

AIBU to feel some level of upset about this? I dont know what to do or say anymore

Thankyou for reading

You’ve been engaged and planning the wedding for 3 years!

Do you normally get on? Talk about other things? Are you expecting her to pay for anything?

Tbh I would find it very hard to conjure any excitement for a wedding I’ve been hearing about for 3 years.

You’ve left it too long and the hype train has run out of steam. It’s like when people have their office Christmas party after Christmas because it’s cheaper, people are over it.

We haven't talked about it continuously, just occasionally when weve asked for an opinion or about an idea. When weve told her something wed booked or planned, it all happened at the cousins wedding.

I know im being ridiculous

Im not going to not invite her, I think thats cruel. I thought we did have a good relationship, we get on well, we go on holiday together every year etc. But at the same time she has a habit of making everything about her.

So are you saying that the only time you were talking about your wedding was at someone else's wedding? If so then I understand why she shut you down. Sorry if I've misunderstood.

The engagement to the wedding was too long, sorry. The excitement wanes fast

No I didnt attend cousins wedding due to childcare. What i mean is if we said we had booked such and such, it was then booked for cousins wedding. Does that make sense?

Oh god you’ve also got kids already and the wedding is three years in the making. Why so dragged out?

Did the cousin have children before marriage? Tbh I think there’s less fuss and excitement when you’re already living together as a family/been together years and years. It’s just how it is.

Yes they already had children and have been together longer than us and have a house

Its been drawn on because weve saved for our wedding. I look after my dad as hes ill so ive only been able to work part time

You’re being petty. She’s just linking what you suggest to an experience she’s had. Ask her if the ‘idea’ worked well at cousins wedding.

I dont think im wording it correctly, when we told MIL little snippets in the beginning. She went and told cousin and cousin then had the same at her wedding. It turned into a bit of a competition because when gran asked if we were inviting such and such and we said no, they then said oh well cousin is inviting them etc

I wouldn’t see that as competition just Gran asking. You each invite who you want. Does it matter if cousin has same thing, each wedding is still as each couple wants.
I’d just crack on and have what you have planned. I think they could show a bit of enthusiasm but it may be worrying about saying wrong thing or interfering.
Whilst a wedding is a nice celebration a 3 year engagement and lots of frippery when you are already living together with kids seems unnecessary to me in my 50s and I’d guess mil is my age or older.
A registry office a couple of months after you got engaged in 2023 would have been been more what I’d consider appropriate especially if money is tight and you are vulnerable by not working ft eg losing pension but no right to share his until married. But it’s not my wedding. I’d obviously not say that to couples face and go along with whatever they wanted.

I’m sure they will enjoy the day as a nice family celebration.

I disagree. There’s even more reason the marriage should be a wonderful celebration of these two, having been together for so long and raising children together and still manage to be devoted to one another to want to get married. I don’t feel others will get the excitement of this for them though as people are so used to them being together.

Many couples get married before having kids and soon wish for divorce as family life isn’t what they expected and their spouse does not living up to their expectations.

But not these two, they ARE working.

@Excitedbride2b don’t spoil what you have by having a bee-in-your bonnet with MiL.

Yes fully accept that not everyone is like me just throwing it out there as a possible reason mil to be is not gushing or brimming with enthusiasm especially if she gets on with op.
If someone was saying to me should we have a sweet cart or donut wall (or whatever 2026 thing is) I’d be thinking unnecessary waste of money but I wouldn’t say it. I’d probably say up to you but that probably comes across as not interested.

I’d say both 😂

You are being silly about the cousin- put all of that out of your mind. Other people don't have to put their lives on hold because you are planning a wedding.

Perhaps his mum is worried about over-stepping. You could try to include her a bit by asking her to help with something. OTOH lots of brides would happily swap places with you rather than having a MIL sticking their oar in.

I think it's helpful to remember that your wedding is a big thing for you but not necessarily the biggest thing for everyone else- that doesn't mean that they don't care about you and your relationship, only that they don't care about invitations and napkins. I would focus on the positive. Hope you have a lovely wedding.

We didnt want a registry office wedding. We wanted to save and have a bigger wedding which we have done and its all paid off.

And that’s entirely your choice and I hope you have a lovely day. Unless you speak to mil you won’t know. Just throwing it out there as an idea why a MiL might not be enthusiastic about all the details.

I think you are being a little sensitive. They are not being awful just not showing as much interest in your wedding as you would like. Your OH is not too bothered.
Don't make an issue out of something like this. Be your own person, make your own decisions. Enjoy your wedding planning, talk to your family. Give your IL's snippets.

I’m a little confused. Do you mean cousin is stealing your wedding ideas? Or is it that cousin is the golden child and can do no wrong? Or is it that MIL isn’t interested in your wedding but whenever you talk about your wedding defaults to cousins wedding?
does this happen about other things or just the wedding? If it’s the wedding talk then once you’re married it may just blow over.