I've just had a massive go and been quite nasty to my sons dad. For context, we still live together but we are separated, I'm waiting on a council house (which I've been provisionally offered) so me and DS can move out.
My DS is nearly 4, he's suspected ASD, non verbal, very limited understanding and his behaviour is atrocious.. I understand that it's not entirely his fault but I'm exhausted and I find his behaviour very triggering. It's non stop. He spends the whole day, kicking me, punching me, pulling hair, pinching etc, he's very aggressive. If he's not hitting me, he's flipping furniture, headbutting the walls, kicking the walls, purposely breaking things etc, I struggle to even take him out because he wont walk? He will try to sit in the road when crossing, run into the road, no sense of danger.
Anyway, my point being that his dad has always been a lazy dad when it comes to him, he's never even bathed him, he's four!!! He avoids helping me, won't even change his nappy (not potty trained, how do I when he doesn't know what I'm asking him to do?) he makes no effort with him whatsoever, if he gets in his face he will call him a dickhead, a spastic, all sorts...I always call him out on it but then he turns on me obviously. He just sits and watches him to do all these things. I admit I lose my shit frequently, I find my son's behaviour extremely triggering, coupled with his dad not helping, I get a full on rage and it's uncontrollable.
DS dad will mock me, alot. When I tell DS off, sometimes I sit in tears because I cannot cope with DS anymore. Tonight I've lost it when I've put DS to bed and told him he's a terrible person, I hate him and I think he's the worst dad in the world.
Now I'm sat here crying because I feel bad and terrible that I've said these things to him, but honestly.. what gives? DS dad thinks it's normal for him to behave that way?? Have I overreacted and do I need to apologise to him now??
Any advice or thoughts appreciated. I'm at the end of my tether.