I'm currently on maternity leave with baby 3 who is almost 7 months. Two other DC 7 and 4. Feeling very much in the thick of it, trying to stay positive but have probably lost some sense of self over the last few months / lack of sleep etc. and been a bit moody at times with maybe some feelings of low mood. Sometimes feeling like a house servant but having to make things perfect to try and make DH feel happy, but it's an endless and thankless task.
DH (40) WFH 4/5 days, one day a week in the office. Over the last few months I've noticed, or have I imagined, an increase in name dropping his boss who is a similar age but almost grown up children and a husband at home who does odd jobs but doesn't work at a workplace. She's a high earner and her and DH have worked together for over 10 years and I've never had cause to suspect anything but I've just got a niggle recently. I guess it started when she bought about £80 worth of clothes for the new baby (didn't for the other two). Didn't think much of that but then she came up in conversation a few months ago and I said something about her fitness level and DH said oh well actually she's very fit, she goes to the gym every day. Then talking about some issues she's had with house repairs and how hard that's been for her. Then bought her a Christmas present (alcohol) which he says he has before but I have no memory of this. Again I helped him find a Christmas bag for it to go into not thinking much of it. More mentions recently and last night stayed up late baking brownies to take into the office for his birthday. Comes home this eve and says she'd eaten 7 of them because she just can't resist anything chocolatey. Can't help feeling he went out of his way to make something she'd like. But is that just to impress her because she's his boss?
Last week on a really bad day I checked his work and personal phone for any suspicious messages which I felt terrible about. There wasn't anything I could see but then he knows how paranoid I can be so if there was he's probably hide it?
We've had a few arguments recently due to issues with the kids etc and if I'm being honest I've been struggling with anxiety and low mood probably more than I come across to friends etc. Im fine day to day but if I'm tired I can be a bit snappy which I'm trying hard not to do. We've been married 15 years and together before that. He's tried to reassure me but has been more withdrawn recently and not shown much affection at all. I'm having to initiate it. He says it's down to overwhelm and tiredness and he loves me etc but I can't help thinking why wouldn't he have an affair? In a lot of ways it would be so much easier and a nicer life for him to have a break?
Am I being unreasonable to be suspicious? And if I am, what should I do to stop feeling like this? I feel I could spiral into a worsening state of anxiety and make what I feel is a fragile situation, worse. Maybe this behaviour is going to push him into seeing someone else if not his boss?