AIBU to feel lonely, want more help and bored!

[TheTaupeFinch]

I’m not sure if I’m just having a wobble or if something actually needs to change.

I’m at home most of the time with the kids (2 girls) and my days have become very repetitive with the school run, housework, dinner, clean out guinea pigs, repeat. I started going out for walks last summer but barely anymore over winter and feel like I’ve lost a bit of myself along the way.

DH works long hours and he doesn’t really lift a finger at home. Everything falls to me and by the time I’ve finished sorting the house and kids, I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy to do anything for myself.

My parents aren’t much help either. Whenever I see or speak to them, everything somehow becomes about them and their problems, so I don’t feel like I have much support there. They just ramble on for hours talking over each other and never ask about me or the kids. The in laws are the same. My sister lives on her own nearby and never speaks. I haven’t seen her since Christmas.

I just feel quite lonely? And bored, if I’m honest. I was really looking forward to going to Gran Canaria during May half term but now all 8 of us are going it’ll be me having to listen to the parents and in laws harping on all week.

Do you work?

Could you look into going back to work OP?

@Yoperreosolo No

@RoyalPenguin I’ve applied to a few but I never heard anything. I wouldn’t have time to do the chores anyway considering no one else does anything.

Single parents manage to work, manage the house and look after their kids too?

No one else does anything because you do everything. And even if they never will, you absolutely must prioritise your financial independence.

Apply for more jobs

My best advice, as others have suggested, is to get a job.

If you can't/won't do that, try volunteering. Could be as little as two hours a week, and needn't be done during the school holidays, but would get you out of the house and meeting new people.

When you go on holiday, book yourself into the spa/on an excursion/tell the others that you are going shopping, but leave the girls with the rest of the family and enjoy some you time.

Look, OP, being a SAHP suits almost no one. Go back to work. Divide the chores in half.

I agree with others you definitely more more adult stimulus in your life.

You don't say how old the DC are. If they are pre-school - start doing more interesting things with them. Plant a garden, or go out in nature and teach them about flowers, trees, wild animals. Take day trips. Visit museums. Start teaching them key skills like riding a bike, swimming, basic cooking etc. I know it's not massively exciting but I found teahcing DC things and discovering new things with them was way more fun than just milling about at home.

If they are school age then you have time to yourself during the day and could either get a part time job or try out some hobbies until you find a couple that really engage you.

Look, I don't know what your arrangement was with DH pre kids over who would do the majority of the child rearing/domestic or how earning money/ domestic stuff would be split. But.. even if at one point you signed up to 1950's gender roles (man=big job and women=domestic servitude) it's totally ok to change your mind and day this no longer works. You're bored, lonely and it will breed resentment or depression. You're a partnership, you're both entitled to have the family set up that involves sacrifice AND compromise. This means everyone get a bit of what they need and no one getting it all there own way. Sounds like it's time for a rebalance. You need more meaningful things for you. That means shivering has to do the boring thankless relative 'chat' more and more on the domestic. Find a passion (preferably one that pays) and say no more......

You can't spend all day doing housework - no wonder you're bored.
Get a job, and use some of your wages to employ a cleaner.
At the very least, do some volunteering, because you need to reclaim your own life, and not just be everyone else's slave!

I am a SAHM and husband works long hours.. I am doing two volunteer jobs. Great thing is they are on my terms/hours that I want. Also it’s great being in a team and social activities are often organised which is great, I used to feel a bit lonely at home but no longer do. I feel
that doing this will
also help me when I am ready to go back to work as I will have lots of new skills to reference in an interview. I highly recommend volunteering! Xx

'Wouldn't have time to do the chores'. I think you might have just outed yourself! 🎣🤣