AIBU to feel overwhelmed and wonder if life will get easier?

[Tiddleypom1]

I’m just so done with it all (life). I’m nowhere near where I wanted to be/expected. I did everything right, studied hard, went to uni, had a career, met DH, had a family, bought a house. But now the walls are closing in.

My two DDs (4 and 6 school and nursery) fight constantly, I had to leave my FT job a year ago as had a breakdown and couldn’t cope. I now work PT in a crappy job as all I could get. DH is self employed and works all week long hours. We live pay check to pay check, never have any money, massive mortgage. I’ve just done the school nursery run and sat in the car afterwards and cried for 5 mins.

I’m in my 40s and life is just so hard. I don’t have any hobbies or interests as have no time. I used to be an interesting, work driven person who went out and enjoyed life and now I’m nothing. Just mum. And I don’t think my kids even like me as I’m frazzled. I do everything for them, go without so they have a nice life. I also do all the mental load, as well cooking, cleaning, diy, drop offs/pick ups (DH doesn’t drive).

just wanted some solitary. Will it ever get better?

Not until you start prioritising yourself.
You may need to make some choices which will not feel comfortable - smaller house with smaller mortgage, even if kids have to share. Which will hopefully reduce pressure on you and your husband. He also needs to learn to drive. And what is "long hours" anyway? Is he out of the house for 16 hours every day? If not, then he can clearly pick up some cooking and cleaning jobs at home.

Honestly... lots of women are age were taught about this perfect recipe that you describe... then we get it and our brain is wired with 'what next, next goal?' When actually parenting isn't a short term, end date orientated challenge and nor are the rest of the daily grind of life.
I was diagnosed wjth adhd last year. Can't believe I didn't think about it sooner. My overwhelmed and burn out was masked by trying to be that perfect girl.

Time to put yourself first. Great advice above about downsizing etc. Financial pressure is hard. Time for you has to be a must, book it in and husband has to make sure he is there to look after the kids so you have that tome, he needs that time too if he isn't already. With the downsizing and less financial pressure hopefully yhat money can be used for nice things- hobbies, a cleaner to take a job of your list, holidays. Whatever it is.

My kids are similar ages, I now live with my mum after splitting from their dad and the last 2 years have been hard and not being able to see that light at the end of the tunnel that we used to aiming for is a struggle! So we have to make changes and keep looking for those glimmer or all the positives in our lives abd make sure we are filling our cups!

Your DH needs to work smarter, in fewer hours, and to learn to drive.

Absolutely down size. No large house is worth this stress.

You’re in the trenches just now. You’ll find yourself again as they grow. Remove or at least reduce your expectations of yourself in the meantime. Survive and then thrive again when it’s more manageable.

If you can't cope with a stress of a large mortgage than get a smaller home.

1. Decide what you could do for YOU. What hobby would you like to do. A 4 and 6 year old can be in bed by 7pm, so find an evening class of some sort to go to once a week for a start.
2. Re-think the career. What do you WANT to do?
3. Are you claiming any benefits you're entitled to?
4. If the kids are arguing, then put consequences in place. Or treats in place if they manage a whole day without arguing.
5. As your DH to split some of the chores. If he is WFH then he can perhaps do the meal planning and organise an online food shop to be delivered?