Aibu to be bothered that Dp said an old friend was gorgeous?

[OverthetopUsername]

This happened a few years ago but I’m currently feeling really down and my confidence is rock bottom. I’m finding I’m replaying things in my head that have happened years ago.

One thing I remember is me and dp bumping into an old (female) friend of his. A little while later we saw another ( male) friend. Dp was explaining to him how we just bumped into female friend. Male friend didn't know who dp was talking about so dp turned round and said ‘ you know, she used to be gorgeous’. Whilst I’m stood next to him feeling embarrassed.

Im now feeling annoyed about this even though it happened years ago. I think dp was disrespectful to me as I was standing there whilst he described another woman as gorgeous. He’s never said I’m gorgeous either! At the time I didn’t say anything about it as I just felt awkward.

Aibu to be bothered by this? I feel I need to just get over it but like I said my confidence is so low at the minute it’s hard to.

Did you say anything at the time ? I mean it was tactless for sure.

Seems your current state of mind is contributing to this old wound. Are you feeling insecure within the relationship ?

This happened a few years ago but I’m currently feeling really down and my confidence is rock bottom.

Regardless if you think your confodence is low, you're looking for reasons to persecute yourself and having to go back to something that happened "a few years ago". What are you even doing?

Focus on today, focus on what you can do today to make your tomorrow better. Not looking in the rearview

You're being ridiculous.

You are being ridiculous for ruminating on something that happened years ago.

I think your husband was disrespectful to you both. To say this in front pf you, his wife, who he never refers to as gorgeous, but will casually say it about some other woman...I would find bloody rude.

To imply that she WAS gorgeous, but isn't now, is very judgmental...is he an oil painting?

It's all in the past, but obviously it must have really hurt for you worry about it years later. Is he a good husband? Do you feel loved? If you do, a silly comment made years ago shouldn't have any effect on you now, something else must be at the bottom of it.

Let it go @OverthetopUsername it really isn't worth all this .

@OverthetopUsername why are you down at the moment? What is it that is causing you to ruminate over a single comment from your OH from a few years ago?

It sounds like you are trying to cure whatever it is you are feeling by going over and over this comment, examining it, reflecting on it, wondering if you should have said something, whether it was out of order etc etc etc. However, I suspect that there is something underneath driving this, rather than that one comment itself.

So, out with it!

Why are you clinging to this years on? There must be something buried in your subconscious mind that causes you to fixate on one comment after so much time has passed

'Used to be gorgeous' = less gorgeous now

Bet he describes you as gorgeous

"Gorgeous" - compliment
"Used to be gorgeous" - brutal

A lot of people are gorgeous/good looking at some point. I wouldn't give it any more thought. He’s with you, not the ‘gorgeous one’ 🤷‍♀️

I'd say, stop thinking about it and let it be. Your husband finds other women gorgeous, when they are, to him, gorgeous. You, to him, are also gorgeous. But you are not the only gorgeous woman in the world, or man, or child or animal or view etc. Don't allow yourself to get hung up on this - it happens to everyone, it will happen to you and about you.

Well, he can't be that bad if you're having to go back years to find something to complain about.

If you're this bothered over something so insignificant then you need some help with your MH!

The woman used to be gorgeous. He stated a fact. I would describe my best friend as stunning. She really is! It is just stating a fact.

You are no doubt gorgeous yourself but that doesn't mean everyone else in the the world is pig-ugly! If someone is gorgeous it's OK to say that.

Even if this lady is gorgeous so what?

The fact that roses exist doesn’t change the fact that snowdrops are also beautiful.

I’m guessing you’ve occasionally met men that are more handsome than your DH - are you about to jump ship and run off with one of them?

If you don’t currently feel good about yourself what could you do to help with that? Fresh air/exercise/more sleep/a haircut etc etc.

Get a grip OP!

Have you seen this women? If not how do you know what she looks gorgeous?

I think looks are very subjective and some of the men l know describe quite plain women as hot, really fanciful and beautiful.

When they are patently not. These women probably remind them of their mothers deep down.

Men can be very sad creatures.

Is you husband very handsome? By the way!

Oops wrong thread!

I think focus on what’s going on with you that is causing you to feel so down, and also why you’re clinging onto something so irrelevant years later.

there is nothing wrong with whay he said, even if he’d said she’s currently gorgeous, we can all appreciate attractiveness in another person, doesn’t mean we fancy them or want to cheat with them, and it doesn’t mean we are less attractive if someone else is.

id focus on what’s going on with you thay is causing you to be like this.

No there’s lots of attractive people out there it’s normal to recognise that. As long as it wasn’t accompanied by any leering, flirting or misogyny.

Can you do something to improve how you're feeling rather than be resentful at yes a thoughtless comment .. which he probably won't even remember.
Why are you feeling low look into this I assure you that will make you feel better and stop you thinking negative.

I actually think it’s worse he said she “used to be” gorgeous

I think you're overthinking.

I think some men AND women are absolutely gorgeous. It is clear that they are aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

HOWEVER, it does not mean I am necessarily attracted to those attributes.

E.g. I am straight but can admit when a woman is physically stunning.

Also, I can have the opinion that a man has physically pleasing features, but do not feel attraction to him. We bumped into a group of Aussie fellas on a night out, and there was one who was stunning, but nowhere near "my type".

Poor woman , she “ used to be gorgeous “ ..what a way to describe someone.
I wouldn’t give this any more headspace