AIBU to be annoyed when people ask when women will have babies?

[Runnersknee]

I know I’m not being unreasonable here but I need to vent - when will people stop asking women when they are going to have a baby?!? Surely everyone knows by now it’s insensitive and nosey.

It really does drive me mad & it’s not even me on the receiving end of it these days! But my sister got married last year and all I ever hear from people is ‘oh when’s your sister going to have a baby’.

It’s always other women asking and the worst offenders are a couple of friends who both had miscarriages so should know better. I just find it so awkward as I never know what to say as it’s really no one else’s business and ttc is hard enough without everyone else asking about it.

Oops butterfingers I clicked YABU but, very obviously, YANBU.

I have never been asked when I'll start having babies (but I did have my eldest at 21). However I'm pregnant now age 30 with my second and also my second girl and now all I get asked is will I be having another after this one to try for a boy 🫩 erm no both me and DH are happy with the two girls we have and have no desire to have more children boys or girls.

And when you get one out.. they’ll want to know when are you having the second!! 😂

YANBU. When my sister had her first, I was told ‘you’re next!’ . When that didn’t happen, I got ‘better get a move on’.
Really intrusive, insensitive and ignorant.

60- something me would tell them to get lost, but when you are in the middle of it , it’s so very hard.

💐for all mumsnetters dealing with that.

It is very intrusive and insensitive. Women should know better. It has irritated me for years. When I was pregnant myself with my only child at the age of 41, I was on the end of a reverse version: 'Oh, I didn't know you were interested in having children.' From an intelligent woman!

Just click the other option, in this case YANBU and it should change your choice (android user)

Yeah this very much goes hand in hand with the menopause thread we have got going on right now.

Im late 30s and this is such an uncomfortable age to be: if I'm not being told about the horrors of menopause that await just around the corner (really? For all you know it could be over a decade to go for me?), I'm being asked wheyher im going to have kids as time is running out.

People really really like to remind you of your body as a woman, dont they?

You’re not being unreasonable.

I miscarried twins a fortnight before my wedding day and had many, many comments from people that obviously had no bad intentions but kept saying “any plans for kids?” “you’ll be announcing your pregnancy next”

I no longer ask if someone wants kids, if their child is their first, if they’d like a second child etc.

My serious case of resting bitch face tended to head this off before all but the most unobservant opened their mouth, but I hear you.

I was asked this when I was still in pain and bleeding from having had a tfmr. I don't know what possesses people.

I’m not sure that’s a fair comparison.

Menopause happens to all women, not all women want or can have babies.

OP is also talking about unsolicited comments. If you are reading those comments on a MN thread, you have willingly read the thread and so have essentially sought those comments put.

Im talking about unsolicited comments IRL re the menopause. I mentioned the thread as that was raised as an issue on that thread

Its so bloody rude although it does to appear to be on the decline. IME it's just older people that ask these questions.

I HATE "who's got the kids?" When you're at work or on a night out.

My husband has never once been asked this question in his entire life.

I got "Is Dave* babysitting?" The other night at the pub when I bumped into his female cousin at the pub. I barely know her but did not hesitate to put her straight that people do not "babysit" their own kids!!

YABU to ask this question knowing everyone will say yanbu. This topic is done to death, we all know it’s rude to ask personal and sentive questions to people. This specific question is well know to be intrusive. What more is there to say?

I agree but I hate the hinting people do more. It feels like they're reminding me to have a baby ASAP as if I've simply forgotten, instead of that I'm unable to. It's so hurtful.

Who made you the arbiter of what people can talk about?

My XMiL thought everyone should start a family as soon as they were married then have 2 years between children.
I waited 6 years to have my first and was driven mad by her constantly asking. I asked XH to tell her to stop but he just said "Oh that's just my mum's way"

I had a baby when people (my aunties!) had stopped asking. That surprised them!

I respond “Never, I hate babies”.

I'm surprised people ask this is this day and age as so many don't want kids at all and awareness about possible fertility problems or cost/money barriers is more widespread.

I think we had opposite - 2 years married and everyone shocked when I was pg- DH was 30 I was bit younger and everyone acted like we were way too young and should have been waiting another decade at least.

Though when are you having the next one - after first did get annoying and that was with us having small gaps and always intending more than one.

I married my first husband when I was 22 and he didn’t want to start a family, so we mutually decided to probably not have children, used contraception, but always said if we changed our mind we would talk to each other about it. Family were aware of this, although I think just assumed we would end up starting a family. One family Christmas, in my twenties, his brother and sister in law brought me a baby blanket as a Christmas present! I was so shocked at the time of the insensitive nature of the gift, I couldn’t quite actually speak (as we were all unwrapping presents together on a family Christmas morning). Other family members that noticed were also embarrassed! It’s something that I’ve never forgotten. Although the marriage lasted for 14 years, he ended up having a midlife crisis at 40, an affair, leaving me, remarrying, and having 3 baby boys by the time he was 46! That was some midlife crisis! You live and learn, as they say. I’m now 50 and childless :/. Life can be a funny old game.

YANBU although people don't tend to say it to me much. I was quite an acerbic teen / early 20s and I'm also not very into babies, although I like children. I think people take the first two and assume I'm Cruella. Plus mid 30s now so perhaps people just assume that has passed us by.

My SiL certainly did when she told DH we were now too old to have one without something wrong with it, anyway.

I’ve always felt women get all the questions
“Have you got a boyfriend”
”When are you getting engaged”
”When are you getting married”
”Are you trying for a baby”
”when’s baby number 2 coming along”. Etc etc

Men, meanwhile, just get “How’s work going” and “did you watch the football last night “

Crazy how much sh8t women have to put up with from random strangers! No one ever asked me, then we had a baby and I got endless praise for “baby sitting” my own kid. DW just got grief for breastfeeding or not breastfeeding or going back to work or wanting to work less etc etc…bizarre!

It's chit chat, people don't fundamentally care. And for most people, babies tend to come a few years at most after a wedding.

Personally, I don't ask because I know some people are offended and at my age (late 30s) I don't want to ask in case the other person has fertility issues, but I think it's silly to get so worked up about it, especially when it's not even about you. Say you don't know and move on.