Another one?!

[Mamajustwingingit]

My head and my heart are at war and I wondered has anyone else been in this situation and can offer some insight.

I have 2 happy healthy children aged 5 and 8. We had our kids “fairly young”, I’m 31. We were done, happy.

both of us have the real want for another, I never saw this coming, I knew I was done way before 30. We get so much joy from our children, he’s a fantastic dad.

In my heart I want it, but my head just screams but what if this, what if that.
We bring in decent income at around 6K per month and that’s with us working manageable, (and for me - part time hours) with DH finished work by 3:30. We have some support around us.

has anyone else been so sure of being “done”, had a change of heart and followed it through? I’m scared it’s the wrong thing to do, but I’m also scared to look back and regret not doing it. Is 2 to 3 a crazy jump? Is the world set up for families of 4?

The question I always ask in situations like these is "What will a third child give you that your current two don't?"
You sound like you have wonderful quality of life at the moment and you will be fairly young when your DCs grow up so will have a wealth of opportunities and freedoms to enjoy then.

Agree with this post 100%.
Sounds like you have a lovely life. What have you to gain if all goes as planned? And what might you stand to lose, if things don’t go as you imagine?

I found three children much harder than two. Immediately I had two small humans to keep an eye on when doing anything baby related, and that made things far more stressful especially as new baby was a terrible sleeper. However, both your children are in school so once you've got a new routine set up it should work.

Before you become pregnant again work out the pros and cons of a hypothetical child. Make sure your husband is totally on board because you will need his help and then make a decision. Whatever that is I hope all goes well for you.

We did similar and took the plunge and had a third. We now have a 14 year old, 12 year old and 7 year old.
pros are so much love and joy, it’s was right for us, my eldest two stopped competing against each other with the third in the mix.

cons re logistics, giving three children the lifestyle and hobbies we think are good for them means my husband and I have no time for hobbies for ourselves, as we both work long days then spend evenings as taxis for the kids. Eg the only way I fit my running in is to drop a child off and run for 40mins from that pick up point. Sometimes the logistics are overwhelming. my career has stalled as a result of lack of time nd headspace. I don’t resent it as it was a deliberate choice by us to have three, and for me it is worth it, but I also have recognised that I will always have days when I want more children, I don’t have the “I’m done” feeling even now, but logistically and financially I am definitely done/done in!

My main concern in your situation would be the age gap. Likely 7 years between your youngest and a new one. So realistically I'd be thinking do I want a third and fourth.

We were done with 2. #3 is due in 3 weeks time 🤣 we went back and forth on it for prob a year maybe more and eventually just decided to try so here we are. We've got two boys, eldest is just turned 6 and youngest is 3 and will be 4 in June.

I don't think 2 to 3 is crazy, a lot of families do it. But I've not lived it yet 😂 I'm not saying it won't be hard, I'm just saying it's not uncommon iyswim.

The world being made for families of 4, it depends what you like doing. If we go out for the day, it's beach, forest, park, NT so it doesn't really matter how many of us there are. Cars are harder, we're going to attempt to keep our estate but realistically we'll prob eventually need a car that's wider across the back. Hotels, we used to stay premier inn but would try Airbnb or just get two hotel rooms now. So none of that felt like a big deal for us really.

I am pleased we decided to go for it, I haven't lived it yet so that may be premature but at the moment that is how I feel.

I knew I was done after my 5th! I love having a big family and definitely didn't feel 'done' after 2. I don't think the world is set up for families of 4, that hasn't been my experience anyway 🤔 I think if you both want another, go for it!

The world is made for families of 4 but I love having 3. I have a big age gap between my first and second though, bigger than yours will be. I found going from one to two much harder than two to four. I think 3 is a pretty common number to have. You’ll possibly need a new car

If you both want a baby do it.

We’d have loved 3. We could have easily afforded a third, had masses of family support, and we were young. But, we had reservations so didn’t. I wondered if my love of being pregnant giving birth was clouding my judgement. We’ve never regretted it, but the urge wasn’t really that strong. I’d say, if you can afford it, go for it.

I think….. don’t do it. Don’t sacrifice what you currently have (which sounds fabulous) for a huge basket of what ifs and unknowns.
This too shall pass….. I’d find another itch to scratch. Holiday, new hobby, more date nights with your dh etc

We did this. 3 was fine, but 3 was lots younger and I felt was left out a bit, ended up with 4. Love them all and wouldn't change it, but much busier than it would be with just 2. I think your 2 are at easy ages, but then it gets a lot juggling activities and things and it's a lot more with little ones tagging along.

Mainly interested to know what jobs you have that bring in 6k, one PT, and DH finished by 3.30...😁

You're in a great position for a third, and a good age, and you're both keen, I'd go for it! Write a list of pros and cons, if your cons list is longer but you're still hankering do it. If you're relieved to see a longer cons list, there's your answer.

Definitely done after 2, then decided to leave it to chance if number 3 came along. She did when the other 2 were 3 and 5 years old, and I would not change a thing!

Love having 3.

thank you all so much for your lovely and well considered comments x

I had my third at 31 and she's the joy of my life. She's 11 now and I found having 3 just brilliant.. busy busy but totally worth it! (So good I had my fourth at 38 lol)

What stopped me having another was being older and a higher risk of a child with a disability or SEN. This gave me pause for thought which told me I didn’t want a baby enough to risk changing the lovely dynamic we already had and if I had ifs and buts it was a No.

My friend was in your shoes at the same time and went ahead and had a third. She now has a 16, 13 and 5 year old. The 5 year old has been a terrible sleeper, very demanding and might have an SEND which is being investigated. From the outside I think their lives would be so much easier if they had stuck with the two older ones only. However, they all adore their youngest and the older kids are lovely with him too.