AIBU to feel upset friend hasn’t checked in after my surgery?

[ChicOliveMentor]

AIBU to be feeling upset by this? I had a surgery last week to remove skin cancer and a friend who I considered more like family hasn’t even text or rung to ask how the operation went. I’ve known her for most of her life and have always gone out of my way to help her and check she’s ok.

Is there a chance she's forgotten the date?

Yanbu. I had emergency surgery last year, was in hospital for 2 weeks and felt very let down by a couple of people I considered close friends not even checking in when they knew what was going on.
I hope your operation went well.

God it's so easy to forget this sort of thing when life is busy, assuming it was straightforward day surgery rather than a big operation. Drop her a line and see how she's doing - if you mention your surgery she will hopefully remember and be supportive

I hate that tired old trope-Life Is Busy- used as an excuse for every thing from forgetting to send a birthday card to enquiring how a friend is doing after an operation.

If it's true that you're so busy that you haven't got less than ten minutes in a whole week to ring a friend who is poorly, then you are in serious, serious need of help as it points to a failing person with a disorganised grip on life.

Almost always, it's a lie to cover bad behaviour in the hope that there will be no more discussion about it.

That's it and if you're told that lie then know it is a lie and act accordingly.

OP. Your friend has let you down. Scrub her unless you hear that something catastrophic has happened to her which would be a reason for her uncaring attitude.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset but I also think you need to manage your own expectations. I would not forget, it would be in my diary and I'd contact you before and after. That's how I am. But, I have a close friend who absolutely would forget and it is frustrating but I know she forgets everything, (and being honest it's because she's entirely focused on herself). I don't want to lose her as a friend so we (the rest of our circle of friends all feel the same as me) just accept her as she is.

But how frequently are you usually in contact her? How long before the surgery had you last talked? Are you sure she knew exactly when it was? Are you saying you’ve had no contact with her since the surgery?

I feel for you as I had this 2 years ago, after having surgery to remove cancer. If your friend is aware of the date, and nothing has happened, it doesn’t take 5 minutes to send a text at least, wishing you all the best following your surgery

I'd be really upset if my close friend didn't check in on me.

I saw her two days before my surgery and discussed it in some detail, I also rang her the day before about another matter so she was well aware of when it was.

I've a younger generation family member female who never checks in. They're only interested in their own life. Luckily the rest of the family are normally kind enough to check in.

I wouldn't necessarily check in on a friend still in hospital or even immediately after they got home. Many people want to chill and lick their wounds in private. I'd wait for them to ring me and tell me how it went.

Well, just to play Devil's Advocate, it does sound like a minor procedure.
And some people don't like to bother others when they might be in "recovery mode".

But if you'd expressed concern about it, OP, then a quick "assuming all is well - do you fancy a coffee?" might have been appropriate.

My best friend, and other close friends for that matter text me asking how my DOG was after surgery, id be miffed.

Yea I feel you. I'm coming towards the end of two years of chemo and several surgery and my oldest friend once sent me a text .... Your friend may just have forgotten , and sometimes people just don't know how to deal with it

How often do you normally talk?

Most skin cancer removal surgery is small excision done under local anaesthetic on a day case isn't it? I'm not sure I'd expect my friend to check in after something like that.

How frequently would she usually contact you?