Go the fucking fuck to fucking sleep you are 12!!!

[WTFits2025]

Oh I've no bloody idea what the topic is FFS, I just need to rant!!

In my 13th year since only child DS was born. Sleep evaded him since he departed the womb. Diagnosed at 7 with ADHD, autistic traits, ODD, sleep settling problems. He's no way near as high need as a lot of kids I read about but FMEL, I have a daily fantasy about having a neverending swim in our nearby river or buggering off to Australia on my own, for ever.

It's been like this since he could talk:

Argues with every single word I utter. Even "what a beautiful day". Reponse no it isn't.

Steadfastly never believed I have anything worthwhile to say, laughs at me, mocks me.

Rude, disrespectful, swears, always angry.

Anger always at me. Intense love always at me.

Never, ever gone to sleep before 11.

Christ's sake I could bore on for hours about it all. I'm just done in. Had him at 38 via an IVF miracle. Saw the lovely things ahead of us like learning to ride a bike, plant seeds, garden, learn to swim, it's all been fucked by ADHD and the demand resistance of it.

Career none existent now, mental health fucked. Memories fucked. I just live from his one mood to his next and pray every evening for him to fall asleep so I can sly a cigarette then get in bed.

I don't need any PDA, ADHD, autism etc advice. Trust me, I've trained, learned, researched it all. Just would love some empathy. I'd run under a truck for him but hate how he treats me 💔

🙄

It is relentless. Neverending. I knew it from doing baby massage and toddler groups but was labelled as neurotic. He's 100% AuDHD,

Thank you ❤️

I am clinging on with the very edge of my soul, your empathy means the world right now 💙

I think sometimes you have to take an emotional step back. So that you feel things less intensly. So dont swing from high to low so fast.
Also if you really want a cigarette then just have one. If you feel really guilty smoking in front of him then stand near a window or ban him from the room. Just tell him : " I need to wind down. And you need to go to bed! " Of course in an ADHD childs world that might mean something completely different. He might try to climb on you where you are sitting and grab the cigarette off you.
You will only give up smoking if you really want to. If its your pressure valve it could be harder. But it is not illegal. Just keep them out of his reach.

When you love someone dearly they know how to press your buttons.
If you are pulling your hair out now , you may want external help before he is a teenager.
Im suggesting social services but I have no idea if they are useful or not. I think it varies according to where you live.
The long swim is a common reaction to being in a prolonged stressful situation so it would be extremely helpful for you if you could get him to absorb the most basic rules that could make your life smooth running and if thats not possible you could ask for some respite care.
I knew someone who did just that and it was a very welcome and quiet week for her but she found it stressful when her child returned wanting to eat white bread and watch TV all the time.
In some ways she missed the lively chaos.

Then you need to take a long look at yourself and ask yourself why you are like this.

Sorry OP. I know how it feels to be so starved of sleep by your child that you contemplate some very dark things. I hope this stage passes quickly for you.

Just wanted to send you a support message.I do understand, a tiny bit as I have been working with a child like this recently.I admire you strength!
No advice really .He will be an adult one day, and I hope things improve.

I’m sorry OP sounds so hard. A close friend has a son who has similar challenges and she’s a shadow of her former self. I take him for a few hours every so often to help and that’s the most I can cope with! Mums are amazing.

Breaks my heart to see the impact of our friends autistic teen on them. It’s so hard for them and they have each other. We actually say how the hell do single parents cope?

Hi I don't know if someone else has suggested this but my friend with an ADHD child has had great success with using melatonin for her sleep. She has to get it from France/Spain where you can get it over the counter (maybe possible to get online)? She takes it 2 hours before bed and it works every time. Not medical advice, I don't have a clue, but you must be feeling quite desperate for some sleep :-)

It sounds relentless OP.

Can you do something just for yourself, to keep yourself going? ND kids or not, parents are human too. Sending hugs.