AIBU to worry my toddler does not speak at nursery?

[exploringinnature]

I’m worried about my DD (2 years 8 months) and not talking in nursery. She literally doesn’t speak at all, and then when I pick her up she starts talking and the staff are so surprised.

My DS attended the same nursery and it was lovely so I don’t think there are any major problems but it does worry me. Or am I overthinking this?

Have the Nursery ever raised any concerns with you?

Has their SENCO ever assessed her?

How long has she attended the nursery?
Do the staff actively engage and talk to her through play based activities?
She may be overwhelmed by it all and is just processing the environment.

Thanks. No concerns exactly but they have mentioned a few times how quiet she is. There isn’t a SENCO to my knowledge and I wouldn’t really want her assessing at this age unless there were clear signs of a disability, which there aren’t. I’m more worried it shows she isn’t happy or settled there

And sorry - she’s attended since she was 12 months. She did three days a week last year and seemed a bit happier then, maybe that’s the problem, she just isn’t there enough.

This is selective mutism they need to follow guidance protocols for this

YABU if you don’t get her some support @exploringinnature. She doesn’t have to be assessed for ASD but it does sound as though she needs some support.

I would ask to speak to the Nursery Manager and ask then, like the PP mentioned, what their protocol is for Selective Mutism. It shouldn’t be the first time they’ve come across it and a good Nursery will be proactive in getting support in place.

I would also do this simple progress checker before you speak to the Nursery.

Have you mentioned the Selective Mutism to your HV too?

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/selective-mutism/

Lots of useful info here, might be worth chatting to nursery about it a little more. The earlier she gets help the better.

We had this. Our youngest. It developed into selective mutism and really started to snowball. We moved to a nursery that was run more like a school preschool activities adult led and she was much happier and spoke to them. She can still sometimes struggle to speak. We wish we’d moved her sooner.

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to anything. DD1 was like this, very quiet at nursery but a chatterbox at home and around people we knew well, but clammed up when strangers talked to her etc. I was amazed when nursery said she was quiet!

She just grew out of it by about 3.5 and is a totally ‘normal’ 7yo now, no issues with talking to anyone or anything else. She’s a very confident speaker now.

I think it just took her time to be comfortable talking to other people. Nursery didn’t have any concerns about it and said it wasn’t uncommon.

I’ll have a word with them. They haven’t actually raised it as a concern; there is a child there with a hearing impairment and they all sign and I know DD signs too. But she is quite chatty at home.

Mine also didn’t speak at nursery, by the time he was in the final year, he’d say the odd word but that was it. Totally fine when he went to school and talked normally although he needed a bit of help with sentence construction. He’s in Year 2 now, excellent academically, he’s NT and he has no problem talking to his friends or teachers. He’s quite quiet but that’s his normal personality I think.

Thanks. I think she is quite quiet in busy sort of settings (not at home!)

There will be a SENCO. "Assessing" at this age wouldn't be diagnosing or labelling or even involving outside professionals without your knowledge and full consent, it would just be seeing if she could use any additional support to help her in the setting. :)

Selective mutism is fairly common at this age so I wouldn't worry, but I would read up about it and put things in place to support her out of it. The nursery should help with this.

Why wouldn't you want her observed? If there are no issues then they won't notice anything - as it is it sounds like she may be selective mute which most children do not just grow out of (even if a couple of people say their kids did, they may have been shy rather than selective mute). The earlier she gets help with it if it is selective mutism the more likely she is to overcome it. Selective mutism also isn't common in young children.

Please look into this and don't listen to people on here who say it's not a big deal.

As long as you have proof that she's talking and her speech and vocabulary are developing I really wouldn't worry.

Many children are like this. In busy settings they go into observe mode and then in familiar settings with family they get all chatty. From my experience these are very intelligent children @exploringinnature . (Mine weren't like this at all).

I agree. We found selective mutism to be a really big deal that started off with a small concern and snowballed so quickly. It has taken a lot of support and proactive action from us and school.

Our DGS did not speak or join in at all in nursery. They commented on it, but took no action. In Reception, he did not speak at all to adults/staff members. Eventually they referred him to SLT, after an initial meeting with the SENCO, but there is no sign of that appointment happening yet.

He then had to change schools and is now in Year 1. He can read we are told, but he cannot write. He still does not speak other than to one friend, so staff use the friend to communicate with him. When the friend was absent for a period of weeks, he had no interactions with other pupils, as observed by staff.

At home he speaks mostly to his DM, slightly less to his DF. He has never interacted with, or spoken to me. His DPs don't want to label him, so are taking no action themselves.

Based on that, I would advise OP to investigate this as soon as possible.

This could be selective mutism, you can seek support for it. The nursery needs to create other avenues for communication, like cards with pictures on.

It must be so hard when it’s your DGS, especially if the parents aren’t willing to get him support. Are they aware that you can apply for ECHP without a diagnosis?

I expect they're trying their best but without parental support and acceptance they are quite limited. Picture cards, now and next boards, small group activities with key person are the minimum of what we would do with a child who doesn't speak with us (but speaks freely at home). It really helps if the parent engages with the SENCO and accepts support offered.