Allergy advice- do i need to relax a bit?

[BookArt55]

Coparenting situation:
Our daughter is 3 years old and has 15 allergies. She is currently doing ladders and reintroducing foods into her diet that she has previously had a confirmed allergic reaction to, but now tests negative for (just finished wheat, yay!).
I manage all health issues and have created a powerpoint with a photo of the packaging and the list of ingredients of all her safe foods. This is sent to the other parent, and nursery who have an on site chef. The other parent chooses not to attend allergy appointments.

Children inform me regularly that daughter has had lots of different foods that aren't on the list and came home with something new the other day. I've asked the other parent to share what they have introduced, and repeated that we shouldn't be trying new things when doing ladders (they know we have a list of previous/current allergens we are introducing following medical advice).

Now I know I can be very cautious with the allergies. I also know that our coparenting situation is abusive and high conflict, everything is an issue. We unfortunately do not communicate effectively.

The other parent has said that they have a list of 'compounds' and will continue to give any food that has acceptable ingredients from any shop or brand. The concern I have is that she's allergic to one crisp and yoghurt from Sainsbury, but fine with the Tesco one with the same ingredient.

So am I being too precious? Should I just be giving anything with the right ingredients? And can I keep doing that while doing allergy ladders?

I feel like I've spent so much time making sure her diet is definitely allergy free, she once had over 20 allergies, and I don't want things slipping in and us then having to try and figure it out. Also, she does often come back from the other parent's with bright red cheeks, rashes, runny nose etc that does disappear after antihistamine or by the next day. So it often impacts the ladders or new foods we are trying to do.

The other parent is often just introducing treats (sweets, McDonalds chips- despite doctor saying to wait a bit longer before restaurants due to number of allergies and severity) whereas I like to do a mixture!
Do I need to relax a little? Any advice would be appreciated!

You should both be following drs advice, how serious are her allergies, EpiPen?

that said, the PowerPoint is overkill, just a paper file or phone note should suffice.

drs need following, if they aren’t then all the effort with the ladders could be pointless.

This is a safeguarding issue if the other parent is ignoring medical advice, have you discussed this with your child's GP/consultant?

@BeautifulSongsofLove I spoke to the doctor end of Jan at the allergy appointment. She said not to eat at restaurants, she was impressed with how I was handling it and to keep doing whst i am doing. So I have. But now the other parent is raising issues, knowing full well it will be another 12-18 months before we go back. These issues coudk have been raised at the appointment but he has only raised them today when I asked about the new food.
@Excited101 i agree about the powerpoint being overkill, it was the only way i could think to limit further confusion. I had to do a powerpoint with images as there was one time where I was accused of poisoning our daughter on purpose (social services and police called) because on the list I was making, i had forgotten to out a single word- airfry- so I now put the pictures of the packaging and the ingredients on the list to stop any further confusion and accusations.
Allergies require epi pens, the nuts and eggs are particularly high and the doctor told me she is very unlikely to grow out of those two now and will need epi pens forever. Thankfully never needed to use the epi pens, but I had to get a Specific Issue Order in Family Court which orders us both to carry the epi pens and antihistamine at all times when with the kids... because ex wasn't. And still isn't to be honest.