To go to CMS

[Shootingstar1111]

Hand hold/kick up the arse needed.

I was with my ex for 9 years. Very toxic coercive relationship. He was a great lover of using threats to try and control me.

I finally saw sense and we split up 2 years ago, since then I’ve reported him for harassment and had to deal with suicide threats if I didn’t get back with him, stalking me online, following me etc. I managed to buy him out of the house just before Christmas which has been a massive help albeit hard on my own. It has all started to die down but the one last bit of control he has is over maintenance. We originally agreed he would pay £150 a month, (he earns over £50k a year) this was because to be fair when he is with lo he does buy him a lot and take him places etc.. he said if he has to pay more this would all stop. He uses it as a weapon though, I repeatedly have to ask for the money, he calls me a money grabber, scrounger, beggar etc. He says I’m not fit to be his mum if I can’t provide on my own.

He works away mon-Fri so has lo 2 nights on average. But sometimes this is only 1 or could be 3 depending on work pattern.

Im sick of having to ask him for the money, but why do I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I go to CMS??

I hate how weak I feel.

Go threw cms. Take the power away from him.

Go to CMS , there's no doubt that's the right thing to do. If he's on £50k a year you'll probably double what you receive from him.
There is a risk that he decides to salary sacrifice a load of money into a pension to reduce payments to you, but he would be depriving himself of that money until retirement anyway.

If you go to CMS you can just leave it to them and there’s the threat of collect and pay - it’ll be a huge weight off your mind!

It’s on him, he’s the one who didn’t just set up a direct debit and pay for his kids

Because he's trained you to feel like you're doing something wrong. With his abuse. The effects can be long-lasting. But you're not doing anything wrong. Go through CMS.