Favouritism and corruption at private schools

[whatnextwhy]

Has anyone experienced this first hand? Is it a thing?
DD 12 attends a well known school and the same children are repeatedly receiving awards, colours etc. It is not subtle. I tell her not to desire public validation but she is losing confidence despite continually receiving high grades and teacher feedback.

I went to a private primary school and experienced it firsthand. My parents were well off, but not proper rich. I was bullied relentlessly and the teachers didn’t care. I was passed over for everything. Couldn’t get in any of the clubs, competitions, or anything but a choir part in a play. It was hell. I BEGGED my parents to move me. The school made me feel thick as mince. I was convinced I was going to fail the 11 plus but I flew through it.

I refused to go to the private secondary and got a place at a local state school and thrived there, treated like equal amongst my classmates and had teachers who really helped me find my strengths.

If your kid is meeting the same, move them. Move to the best area for state schools and buy a house there rather than waste your money on school fees for your kid to go through hell.

@OrwellianTimes Goodness this rings true here and feels like a punch in the stomach. Thank you so much for sharing your experience; I am sorry to hear it was so horrendous for you.
exactly this, we are not poor but do not have the generational wealth or financial success of many of my daughter’s peers. She’s feeling very much “what’s the point?” after a string of experiences where she feels to have missed out despite doing well and getting strong feedback.
i worry it’s a chip on my shoulder, but it’s always the same families/students.

@whatnextwhy
phone the local authority tomorrow and see which schools have spaces and just move her.

My grammar school experience was the same The offspring of tge great and the good were pucked for everything.

My kids have been to both state and independent schools. There seemed to be ‘favoured’ children at both types. I’m resigned to that. Bullying, however, is completely unacceptable and should be dealt with. I’m sorry your DD is having a tough time.

Some schools just aren’t good, or at least not good for all students. If you are in such a school and can move, then move! Certainly don’t pay for a school that you think is doing your DD down.

Thanks all. Whilst she’s not being bullied by classmates I can see her confidence going downhill and seeing her query the point of motivation is upsetting.
I suppose I’m questioning whether this is a common occurrence or whether I/we are overthinking this? How can one consistently have high individual feedback but be overlooked for all formal praise? Which instead goes to the same families, noticeably aristocratic, term on term?

I send mine to private. My advice is that you need to talk to the head about it how children are picked for these ‘special’ activities. Being academically good isn’t enough at top private schools (that’s often just the minimum), you also need to be good at other things too. Just having a word with the head and getting to understand what your child can do to get awards too will help.

Whay you see as the ‘same kids’ might just be the ones who are the most confident or the most able at playing music. Bring the data with you, say x child was chosen n times and y child was chosen that many times. Sometimes showing the head the data will help them realise they’re going the wrong way. Data is also highly publishable in the media & they’ll be terrified if it’s proven that they favour kids like that. Especially if it’s a big name school.

Yes, a big name one. That’s great advice- thank you.