Can we talk about something other than our children?

[NettlesandBrambles]

After 10 or so years of full on parenting, I’ve started to go out more and meet people outside of my usual social circle (ie mum friends). Increasingly, I’m noticing all small talk and conversations ending up being about children and parenting. I’m certain I am not instigating this. It’s like an algorithm. After a few minutes we find ourselves talking about our kids and parenting. It’s quite frustrating and kind of sad…

How do I break out of it?

What do you want to talk about?

When I went back to work when my kids were young it was months before anyone knew I had any. I was desperate to talk about other things - world events etc. I was sick of nappies and weaning chat

I rarely talk about my DC or anyone else's.
I make my friends in hobby clubs where we talk about the hobby.

Find friends connected to a specific hobby or interest so you’ve got that as a grounding rather than kids.

i, like you, made friends who weren’t just mums of different ages. They ask about my kids and listen if I want to talk about them but they naturally have other interests so the conversation never ends up child dominated in the same way.
this has then leaked into my mum life, because I now have things to talk about beside the children. so when I talk to my mum friends I can say ‘oh so and so and I went here’.

mine are young, but when I go out with mum friends we rarely talk about our children. We meet regularly for food and drinks and conversation is pretty random but never really about children.

Change the subject. Introduce new topics

I subconsciously have things I want to discuss with my friends when we’re meeting. It might be a great tv show or a good book I want to recommend, where’s everyone going on holiday, talking about a situation I could maybe do with some advice on, future plans, hobbies, politics.. we do discuss the kids but there’s always lots of things I want to talk to them about and find out what’s going on in their lives

I know lots of mums who would also say this. But the reality is that they talk about their kids constantly. A few years back I had lunch with an old friend and at the end she said “It’s been lovely to meet up - it’s so nice to talk to someone something other than the kids!” and I thought “But you talked to me about literally nothing else…”

I don’t blame her or anything as people generally do talk about the biggest things in their lives and for her that was her kids. But I think a lot of parents don’t realise how much their kids dominate their conversations.

As someone who couldn’t have kids I ended up drifting from most of my friends when they couldn’t stop talking about their kids for more than 30 seconds. I’d go to group meals out and some nights I literally wouldn’t say a word as every single conversation was about kids. Obviously as a result of there being a very small number of childfree people around I don’t have many friends. But I’d rather be lonely at home than lonely in a crowd! I do have a few childfree friends I see once every few months and I’m more than happy with them!

I couldn’t have kids either, I agree some of my mates once they did seemed to sadly lose the ability to talk if anything else and any topic gets dull if that’s the only thing someone has to talk about!

Luckily I’ve made plenty of child free friends too, they are out there :)

It is normal and natural to make conversation about things you have in common.
At your stage in life, it is going to be pretty common that people mention kids as they are a big and important part of your life.
Give it 15 years and you'll likely mention menopause symptoms when out with a group of other similar aged female friends.
Before you had dc, conversations would be more likely to have started, asking where you went when you were out last night.
When you were in 6th form, you'd be talking about a mix of which Universities you were looking at, and who was going out with who.
When you get to my age, you'll likely be having lots of conversations about where you are going on holiday.
When you get into your 80s it is likely you will be chatting about aches and pains and hospital appointments.
If you join a football team, the conversation will likely be easy to strike up about if you 'saw the match last night'.

It is normal and natural to start off with conversations about things you know the other person is either interested in or has in common with you.

When you get to know people better, it is less risky to start deeper conversations (politics, money, religion), but when you don't, it is generally safer to start with what you know isn't really controversial.

If you want to start conversations about different things, then do so.....
What do you do for a job?
Where did you grow up ?
Have you been watching the Olympics?
Where did you last go on holiday?
Have you ever ...... ridden a camel ? ......sky dived ? ...... Been to a roller disco ? ...... Met anyone famous ? ........ etc etc etc

Sorry, that sounds rubbish. Maybe she doesn’t have a lot else going on. It’s honestly not the case for me and my friends - we have loads to talk about!