AIBU to feel irritated by MIL’s barbed comments about gardening?

[letsmowthelawn]

I always thought I got on reasonably well with MIL but I’m not so sure now. Lately there have been a number of comments which feel a bit barbed and I’m starting to feel a bit irritated, so that’s the context.

This morning DH was mowing the lawn and MIL started tittering and said ‘oh now … when you bought this house I remember asking who would do the gardening and you said YOU’D do it!’ She was tittering and giggling to herself all the way through this and I’m honestly not sure whether I was supposed to be amused by my slovenly gardening ways or what.

I am not going to say anything; we don’t see a lot of them so I don’t want to cause a ruckus and besides it’s not a big deal I suppose. But I’m wondering if others would have been a bit irritated or am I a bit prickly at the moment?

Mowing the lawn isn’t gardening. It’s part of home maintenance.

I think I'd be irritated by that too. But the best way to deal with someone trying to irritate you is not to give them the satisfaction of seeing it. Just blank these comments.

Eugh one of those people always waiting to throw something back in your face.

also lawn mowing isn’t really gardening that’s just basic maintenance.

Mowing isn't gardening. Gardening is dealing with the plants. Mowing is just maintenance.

As a one-off it doesn't sound awful; I can imagine it gets very tiresome if there's a constant stream of similar comments.

My own mum is one of those who always imagines her sons are super hard-working, bearing the brunt of running the household, and it is very tedious to hear. I think it has to do with the generational shift - does your FIL perhaps do very little around the house, so she imagines that all the household tasks are 'women's work'?

My two favourite options are either blank incomprehension ('oh ... why would you think that ...?' with a deeply puzzled look) or pretending she's said something positive and agreeing with it ('oh yes, he loves lawn mowing, I leave him to it!').

Why do in laws always have to comment? Just come up for a cuppa and be nice!!

She seems to be gleeful about scoring a point against you. She doesn’t sound very nice.

When my MIL annoys me, which she does a lot, I leave the room and find something which needs doing. I also restrict how much I see her and that suits me very well.

Ignore.

I do the gardening, DH mows the lawn.

Yes, I would find it very irritating, especially the giggling. I'd have to say something like "Is it funny? lawn mowing makes up about a 50th of what needs doing in the house every week so he doesn't mind doing that".

Here's where you employ the old eye rolls, OP. 🙄
Smile, bite your tongue, maybe say a positive as PP suggests " oh I love watching DH do the mowing, MIL, want a small sherry, I'm having one?"

Urgh. Sounds irritating someone keeping track of what's been said and trying to throw something pathetically small back in your face.

I can see how annoying it would be if it happens a lot.

You need pre prepared comebacks.

'Yes he does, hes a damned good husband', before kissing him and walking away

If you can, never let her digs go by without:

1. A reponse
2. A clear lack of being offended by her

I'm sure others will be along with clever retorts

Yanbu x

’Oh, he’s great at doing the lawn - he leaves the actual gardening to me. Just as well, since he barely knows a buttercup from a cauliflower.’

(that last would be true of my dh!)

Thanks. I probably do need some comebacks but I never think of them in the moment and we don’t see them all that often so it barely feels worth raising it. I was wondering whether to mention to DH or not but probably isn’t worth it.

And she’s right in a sense; I don’t do any gardening but with two young children I don’t have much free time. In the future things might be different. I just feel she doesn’t like me much and looks down on me but maybe I’m being a bit paranoid.

Unless it would add fuel to the fire I would say I was planning to but don’t get much time with young children so hopefully will do more when they’re older. But as PPs said, I wouldn’t class maintenance like mowing and hedge trimming as gardening really

Whether or not you garden is not a moral judgment! If she thinks it is then more fool her.

I think I'd be tempted to look at her in disbelief and say.. " what's so funny ?"

Yet another MIL one…giggling and tittering sounds like Frankie Howard (I’m old enough to remember him). Honestly this sounds so unimportant, yet we poor MILs can’t do anything right on MN.

I was kind of loath to post it because of comments like that.

My own mum is dead (as is my dad) so I’ve no dog in the race. I’ve always sent MIL and FIL loads of photos of the grandchildren and they’ve been as involved as they want to be (not much but that’s fine; it’s their choice) and when MIL wants to organise a family thing or whatever she messages me not DH. I’m not prone to overreacting and I assumed I was but I actually don’t think I am after yesterday. I think one of the issues is MIL doesn’t like our DD much, she is going through a difficult stage but I’m not going to just go along with that.

It’s not you that’s wrong it’s the beloved son slaving away, mowing the lawn whilst you chat to DGM,
she’s biased and possibly also against DD a bit -ignore

It's just a passing comment surely? When they asked who would be doing the garden when you moved in, you said you and now you don't do any gardening.
When we moved in here the garden was beautiful the previous owner was a widowed retired man. We now just about mow the grass, it has a swing and a little tykes castle in it and I will do a few pots and fruit/veg in the summer. I had grand plans but life changes, I wouldn't be offended by someone acknowledging that

She points out in the OP that her MIL has form for comments; she's just giving this one as an example.

Gardening is just outdoor housework as far as I’m concerned. Suggest she takes it on if it bothers her that much.

You don’t do the mowing. You deal with the big picture.