How would you view this comment?

[ChocolateSpongeCake]

Opinions appreciated. Thank you. Will try to keep it simple.

Z is starting a new job and has been sent an online exit feedback form from current company. Z asks L if there's any point in completing it as it hasn't been all bad but support could've been better and nothing will change so won't help others there.

L says it depends on whether you want to get back at someone or not.

Did L mean that Z was out to be nasty themself or were they talking about it in general terms in that if a person (so anyone) was to do this?

YABU: L meant anyone in general
YANBU: L meant Z was being nasty

L meant anyone in general. Unless you are nasty generally then they might have meant you. Honestly impossible to tell without knowing either of you.

L meant anyone in general. That’s my take.

Clearly in general

This is one of those comments that really doesnt need the overthinking.

I would take it at face value in that they are talking to and about Z in this particular case (so could easily be ‘you’ as a general term) rather implying Z is malicious.

I presume there are other things going on between you as it seems quite an innocuous comment to be concerned about.

Don't over think it.

They're asking why he is leaving, and if there is any particular person or thing that contributed to this decision then he can let them know.

A company is never going to improve unless they hear from the horses mouth why people are leaving.

Surely L meant that if Z thought nothing positive would come out of the exit interview, then at least it might be an opportunity for accountability (or to “get back”) for the people who aren’t offering the right support.

No one used the word nasty in a general or specific sense.

And surely it was sort of both specific and general - anyone can use the feedback form to get back at someone (generally speaking), but Z has the specific opportunity to do that now if they wanted to.

I can’t imagine given this very normal comment in the context of the conversation a second thought - it means what it says.

I presume L was highlighting that this is a chance to name names if you felt you wanted to.
There are 2 ways to do the exit questionnaire
1 the company could support admin staff more by improving X system
2 manager M singles people out, plays favourites and is rude in meetings

Only you know which way you want to go

L means that people, in general, only fill in exit questionnairaa if they want to have a go about something.

And to be honest, even if L.DID think that Z wanted to get back at someone, it would not follow that L.thinks Z is nasty. Someone could have very good reason for wanting to complain about someone they work with, depending what has happened to them.

But I would bet money it's just a throw away comment about exit questionnaires in general. Don't worry.

L was saying do it if there’s someone you want to get back at. Not that you are nasty and would want to do so.
I think L is wrong though, constructive feedback can be really helpful to a company and may impact change which would improve things for others. I would give feedback.

Why do you care if he’s leaving anyhow?

Why are you discussing these things with someone you can’t even ask a direct question too?

Why are people assuming a random he? I figured OP is Z. Not criticising, just curious!

Very good point and given me something to reflect on that I consider myself someone who strives against prejudice and yet here I am assuming that because we are mumsnet the OP will be female and because they are posting about something career related I assumed a male partner.
thank you for pointing this out to me x

Thank you for all replies.
I'm Z. L is a female too.
Whether I complete the questionnaire is irrelevant.
All of my life I've been told by my family that I'm oversensitive so wanted another perspective on this.
I don't know where to go from here. Conversations are draining. I can't question anything in response and if I do I'm oversensitive, its always about me etc (it really isn't I just need clarity). Apparently its always my fault.

But in this case you were being over sensitive…

I think L misunderstands the reasons for an exit interview, it’s as important to point out the good points and that support could’ve been better as anything else, it’s not just for ‘getting back at someone’ and realistically if a certain person was an issue it should’ve been raised much earlier than an exit interview.

It’s none of L’s business whether you do the exit interview, you don’t need their permission or approval.

Well of course, but Op did ask them

Your family have a point. Look at the stress you have caused over nothing

We don't know L so we don't know what L meant by that comment. Have you asked L to clarify what they meant?

"Oh, how do you mean L? Is that a generic 'you'?"

I'm not sure why you can't question anything in response, as you haven't told us.

But it does appear you've been rather over sensitive here.

I really don’t understand how you’d take L’s comment as any kind of slight on you. Even if she did specifically mean you, it would just be a lighthearted comment about work and leaving jobs. It wouldn’t be an insult or a suggestion that you’re nasty.

Do you tend to take things very literally?

Do you overthink?

Because I really can’t imagine even thinking twice about what L said. At all.

I’ll be brutally honest with you:

It is absolutely exhausting to have a conversation with someone who needs to question and dissect every inconsequential passing remark, and who takes things extremely personally and reads too much into tiny comments and thinks everything is a dig at them.

Thank you. It's what I needed to know another perspective. Maybe it is me. Not an excuse but I think I may have nd traits which would account for some of my interactions. I don't question everything. Most times I don't say anything.

We weren't there. How can we possibly know?

But the answer to your question of should you fill it in - of course you should. What possible reason would you have for not filling it in?