What to do with a partner who doom scrolls on FB night after night for nearly 20 years…

[crawlingovertheline]

As it says really. My long term partner has had an iPhone for most of the time we’ve been together and every breakfast, after supper and then all evening he will sit there scrolling instead of interacting with me. I’m literally second behind Facebook (as are the children). There’s nothing particularly interesting or special on his feed, the usual drivel.

Im fairly sure I can’t spend another 20 years like this. I’ve tried suggesting a phone free evening but he always refuses and accuses me of trying to control him. There really is no talking to him about it, I’ve tried so many times. AIBU to think this is no way to live?

How do you spend your evenings?

You've tried talking about it, he isn’t interested. He isn’t interested, because there’s no consequence. Now you have a decision to make. What will it be?

What would be your ideal way of spending an evening, and does he enjoy doing whatever you normally do?

Obviously your best option is to split up with him. But that was your best option 19 years ago as well. What's changed now?

Well I presume it’s harder to deal with 20 years of annoyance as opposed to 1, and hoping he would change, but now realising he won’t / doesn’t want to.

Maybe post something on his public wall on FB, he might engage then 🤣

“seeing as David hates talking to me in person, here goes…. How was your day?”

Is it? DP has this habit of answering a question with a question. To be honest, about six months in, it annoyed me to a point where it was nearly a deal breaker.

But all the positives outweighed it, and 20 years on I barely notice it ( although I really hope bringing this up doesn't reignite my annoyance!)

Sure in most long relationships, the other person's foibles becomes less annoying, not more?

Loads of us doomscroll!

We need help!

So shamefully, not alot of help...

What would you like him to do every evening?

What are you doing while he’s scrolling?

Would you be equally annoyed if he was reading a book?

It’s an addiction and it’s hard to break! I got in the habit of scrolling after I went to bed. A few nights it was after midnight by the time I put my phone away so naturally my sleep was affected, I felt shitty the next day etc. I had to force myself to put my phone away at bedtime and read instead. Cue better sleep, more relaxed me. It can be done but you have to want to do it. I would challenge your DP as to what’s so much more interesting on his phone that he can’t put it down. He made need to face consequences before he realises what he’s doing.

Have you told him you're not happy?

How old are your DC?

Doesn’t sound like he has any interest in you at all? Also confused why you’ve waited 20 years to find it enough of a problem to act on it? I’d have likely tapped out many years ago if my partner never wanted to interact and engage with me.