DMIL giving my child a phone at the dinner table

[Buckbeak123]

I wanna start this by saying DMIL is amazing and I know there is no mal intent behind this, which is why I want to tread carefully and not offend anyone!

But the past few occasions we have been out to dinner with my in laws, as soon as we sit down DMIL gives her phone to my nearly 2 year old to watch at the table.

We allow TV as a treat but I do not like phones or tablets this young and especially not at the dinner table. Furthermore it is not needed with her! She is well behaved, and yes it means me or dh may have to walk around a little with her but so be it. DSIL has children who use screens alot, especially at dinner and this is where the habit comes from.

The past 2 occasions it has happened i said no thanks DD is okay without (awkwardly) and the second time DH said the same. We havnt explicitly said we dont allow it which I think is where the grey area is and why it is still happening when we go out. We have a family lunch coming up and I want to know how to navigate it best...

It would be awkward at the table to say we dont allow screen when DSILs children are sat there with them. Do I send a private message before?

Or AIBU and too uptight about this? I feel quite strongly that it is a habit we dont want to start.

I think you should talk to her about it.

I would feel exactly the same as you do about a 2 year old being given a phone to amuse her at any time and certainly not at the table.

It's your DC so your rules but explaining your wishes on this in a civilised way would be the best thing to do.

I could've written your post 5 years ago. I had to be pretty blunt in the end and get DH singing from the same hymn sheet. Pone option could be to swoop in there first with a book or small toy instead?

I would just do what you’ve already done and say no thanks she’s fine without it. It’s not a judgment of SIL, she can crack on letting her kids do that at the dinner table if that’s what she wants to do. But you and DH don’t have to follow suit just to be polite.

I’m with you by the way OP and I wouldn’t allow it either.

'We don't want her using a phone till she's older'. Take it away. Ideally say this ahead of time to MIL and then step in if she still does it.

Thanks guys for your replies, I appreciate it! Was fully expecting to get flamed as we actually havnt set out our boundaries clearly and that is our fault. I also thought after a couple of times being told no you might get the hint 😂 and dont think I'd ever give something to a child without asking their parents or if I havnt seen mum or dad do the same. Anyway lots of love appreciate the advice

I also wouldn't allow this so yanbu. I don't think I'd message about it, just continue to immediately remove it and say "thanks MIL but we don't allow her to use phones".

We don't have phones at the table at all, for any age, including adults, unless someone needs to look up something specific at meal times. It's just rude in my view and children need to learn to amuse themselves without a device. We all managed it in the 60/70/80s!

Just tell her you don’t do screens. Our 2 yo DGS doesn’t have screen time so I wouldn’t dream of giving him my phone to look at at anytime of the day, and certainly not at meal times. If you don’t tell her, you can’t expect her to know,

"No thanks MIL, we prefer not to give DD phones at all, especially not at the dinner table".

Just say it, it may be that SIL just manages her kids like that. We used to be pretty sanctimonious when we had one child who was very young, but realised that our second child as a threenager woukd not stop and woukd be so incredibly difficult, so a short phase of Peppa pig on the phone actually really helped … it was brief but necessary
just don’t sound sanctimonious about it, all kids are different and some parents rely on distraction

We’re fighting for our lives trying to raise a toddler who doesn’t use a phone when out and about. It does mean like you say, walking them around, a bag full of toys, accepting a shorter outing etc. It’s not for everyone but I don’t want my child reliant on screens when out of the house in the future, I find it quite sad watching kids completely disassociated from their surroundings. Before anyone comes at me about SEN, when you’re in a cafe and it’s full of kids on screens I’m doubtful they all have SEN…

Your DH has to be frank and say we don’t want tablets or phones at the table, we’re prepared to entertain the child so everyone else can have a nice meal. That’s the way we’re doing it. There’s other easy way but it will cause conflict if your child is ever out with the SILs kids so be prepared for a tantrum if you stick to your guns.