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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My parents make me feel sad and always have

1 reply

Tuesdaychildd · 21/03/2026 21:00

Just that really. I’ve had great times with them and they’ve been good to me in many ways. I enjoy their company and would never go NC. But they’ve also made me very unhappy since I was a child. Now in my forties.

Things like a lot of pressure, being hit as a child, guilt tripping like you wouldn’t believe, constant comparisons with sibling, being told I was jealous of sibling, being compared to my friends, being called all sorts of names under the sun like a drama queen, that I love a captive audience, that I’m pompous. All descriptions nobody to my knowledge has ever used about me.

If things don’t go their way they quickly turn on you. Mum told us as kids that she’d never be able to choose between us and my dad. Can’t remember how the topic came up now, it wasn’t hugely serious chat but the sentiment was very much there that he was equal in her love for us. There was lots more but I just felt like shit around them a lot even though I knew they were proud of me. I often leave their company just feeling a bit low even if they’ve not been unkind. Not sure why I’m posting. Just feeling low about it after seeing them today.

OP posts:
redskyAtNigh · 21/03/2026 21:03

You feel low because you want your parents to be the loving, supportive people that parents are normally expected to be, and that your probably see your friends' parents being.

Unfortunately a "good" visit with them is one where they are not deliberately unkind; not one where they behave as the parents that you keep hoping they might be.

I'd stop expecting them to change. They won't. If you want to keep seeing them, best to keep it to a light superficial level and don't expect anything.

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