AIBU to be upset husband only gave Mother’s Day card from his mum?

[Mumhelp18]

Okay so we have a wonderful relationship, been together years, 4 children. Had a bit of a surprise so large gap after 3rd child then 4th child.
much loved child, centre of our while family. My AIBU is my husband didnt get me anything for mother’s day. Im actually upset about it. His mum bought a card and chocs but as I delivered hers, she gave them to me to give to him. (She always buys the cards, no prob with this) but because he brought said card and chocs to me in bed im expected to be grateful? He even said, dont worry the day is not over, then nothing all day. No mention or anything? My older children bought me lovely flowers and gifts but AIBU to think he should have done something more? Its caused a massive argument because he gave me the chocs and card so did make an effort but im so upset that he couldnt be bothered to go to the shop himself and pick something id like. As a side note… i always get him something lovely for father’s day. Treats he loves and he’s always so happy with what he receives. Also, im not a high maintenance wife or anything, i spend nothing, we’re equal in regards to work and everything. Getting silent treatment now coz i dared mention that I was upset ‘when he went to so much effort getting youngest to write card bringing it to me’. Just feel really deflated and a very undervalued right now. Sorry for long post. Xx

He gave me the chocs and card so did make an effort

In what way has he made an effort? He carried them upstairs?

His mother bought him a card and chocolates to give to you, and he thinks he went through a lot of effort because he carried them up the stairs to you in the morning?

Is he always this useless?

You are not his mother

How old is your youngest? He should have helped them to choose something for you if they aren’t old enough to do so themselves, but not a present from him - the time for him to show his appreciation for you (and you for him) is anniversaries / birthdays etc. I don’t think it’s usual for adults to give each other gifts on MD, it was nice of your MIL to do so but not what the day is “about.”

Exactly, this is my point! No effort. I even brought them to the house 🤦‍♀️

He’s made zero effort and his sulks are because he’s in the wrong and knows it so deflects it by being defensive.

For fathers day you can help your youngest write in a card. The older ones can write their own names. Expect praise for "all the effort".
Then go out & leave him to spend time with his children which is his gift from you all.

Youngest is just 4. Yes, I get that, it’s just a thank you for being the mother of children really. Don’t even want anything high value or anything, just a recognition? Just something to say thanks for doing what you do for our children… maybe my fav treat, anything, nothing big. Youngest has been saying about growing strawberries so even some seeds would have been enough. Mother in law is amazing. I love her she’s always been amazing and we get in great so nothings bad about her. Just shit husband…

This is what I’m thinking thinking… he’s being a proper ar*e about it though and literally not speaking on me like I’m in the wrong for bringing it up 😢

I think it’s a mismatch of understanding and expectations and something you need to talk to each other about. For me, showing his appreciation for you as his amazing wife and mother of his children is for your anniversary and birthday rather than MD and he may view it likewise. He’ll feel and be defensive because you’re upset over something he didn’t realise was your expectation. He should however absolutely have helped the youngest to buy you something.

If the relationship is otherwise wonderful as you said in your OP, then talk about it. And don’t dwell over a day that’s gone by: have a family day trip tomorrow to the garden centre so you can buy the strawberry seeds your youngest has been talking about and then an afternoon planting them together.

My MIL has not been involved in sorting out anything for mother's day for any of the umpteen years I have been a mum because my DH isn't an utterly useless waste of oxygen who needs a woman to do any kind of emotional or social effort for him. It's a pity that yours is.

My mothers days are a little low-key now that DC in teenage years are somewhat lacking in these skills and DH is gradually reducing the amount of support he gives to encourage them to do the work, but I have hopes they will become more capable by the time they have families of their own and I certainly won't be doing stuff for them on mothering sunday because that's really not how it works

Your husband is an emotionally abusive (silent treatment) low effort POS, for being annoyed at that YANBU.

For expecting someone who isn't your child to make a fuss of you on mother's day YABU.

Stop making a fuss of him on father's day too. Both are commercial nonsense where children should make a card and buy a cheap bunch of flowers/box of chocolate with their pocket money for their parents on the days. That's all.

Stop deluding yourself that if you're treated like a queen on mother's day it makes being neglected and taken for granted the rest of the year ok. It doesn't. Act accordingly.

Goodness me get over it

When you say 'his mum always buys the cards' - do you mean that he never buys greeting cards himself? His mum does it for him? I would have seen it as an absolute disgrace the very first time that he, a grown man, gave me a card that his mummy had picked out for him - I expect my 5 year old to do more than that, he has to come with me to pick out the card if it's from him! - but if this is your (shitty) norm why are you upset or surprised by it this year?

I thought mothers' day was a time to venerate your mother, not your wife?

Did he get the youngest child to sign their name in the card before he gave it to you? He should have gift wrapped the chocolates, put the card in an envelope and told your child to “go and give this to Mummy and say “Happy Mother’s Day”. He shouldn’t have given them to you himself.

MIL should not have given you the card and chocolates, she should have given those to him when he dropped off his flowers and card to his DM. His DM, it wasn’t your job to deliver them on his behalf.

Your DH had been lazy here and made no effort. There wasn’t even much effort required - deliver a card and gift to his own DM and sort out something simple for you.

It's a bit pathetic that he didn't organise the card and present himself but it's really grim that he's giving you the silent treatment.

This is the thing to focus on with him OP.

Realistically a four year old was going to need a bit of help - and it's pretty crap that the DH outsourced this to his own mum!

This is what I was going to ask.

It was 6 days ago, what has made you post about it today?

You and his mum are enabling him! Why is she buying a Mother’s Day card to you and why isn’t he taking one to his mum. You might as well just buy your own cards at this point. Ridiculous

You're your husband's mum?? That's wrong!
No seriously I presume you aren't so why would he get you anything for Mother's Day?!!
Maybe if you have young kids, he should have helped them get you something, but it sounds like your kids got you something....!

YABU about this, but even more unreasonable to start yet another 'my dh didn't get me a Mothers Day card' thread so long after Mothers Day.

Your not that slow surely

What does he usually do on Mother’s Day? If they youngest is 4 then why is this year different?