Would you let your 12 year old go to funfair alone?

[NervouslyWaiting1]

She doesn’t want me to go with her, she’s going with her brother who’s 10. She’s used to taking buses and using Google maps, but this is a 40 min journey and 2 buses. I’m worried that they would get separated or lost , would you let your child go to a funfair alone?

I wouldn't be happy with a 12 year old being responsible for a 10 year old. Also, I assume this is daytime? Is it a safe area? How large is the fair? I would let my 13 dd go to the small seaside fair near here in the summer with her friends in the day time but not large fair in a city.

Good for you

I would have no problem with my 10 & 12 year olds doing this, but they're both young carers so a lot more mature than their years.
Honestly Mumsnet doesn't know your kids only you know them!

I walked to school in south London at the age of 4 completely alone. I still say absolutely not.

I wonder why that is. Society is demonstrably and obviously safer now than then (statistically, and experientially with things like mobile phones and CCTV).

I have no issues at all with my parents' attitudes, and mirror them with my own kids. The absurd levels of risk aversion in society when it comes to kids are not healthy, and perhaps are a contributing factor to a lot of problems later down the line when young adults seem less capable of managing imperfect situations.

It’s statistically safer now precisely because parents tend not to allow kids to do things like this any more.

Also, a general sense that parentifying older children isn’t a great idea. It’s good for children gradually to learn responsibility. It isn’t great to make eldest daughters in particular into mini surrogate mothers.

In earlier decades often parents allowed their kids to take on an unwise level of risk. Just because people did something in the past does not make it a good thing. In earlier decades the numbers of accidents, traffic accidents, injuries, fatalities, assaults, sexual assaults, etc. was also often much higher than today. That’s the trade off with taking more risks - they can (and did) go wrong.

Of course fewer bad things happen when people are exposed to less risk (there would be absolutely no motoring injuries if nobody drove cars). But this is about a proportionate response to risk. Were we too permissive in generations past, and is our approach now more reasonable?

I would say that we were not too permissive previously, and that our approach is too risk averse now. But obviously people can parent how they like.

I agree that kids should gradually learn responsibilities. I suppose I just think that perhaps we infantilise them too much in some ways these days (and yet, oddly, do the opposite in many other ways like when I see 8 year old girls having birthday parties at beauty salons).

It's all about balance isn't it?

No I would not. Fairs attract dangerous, calculating people. I grew up in the town where Mark Tildesley disappeared at the funfair.
They go with you or not at all.

No I wouldn’t. Mines 15 and I’d let him go alone and would have for a couple of years with friends, but not alone and certainly not with a younger sibling. I’d do what others have said and let her pick a friend if she wants then take them and I’d keep the younger one with me while she goes off with a strict meeting point and time to meet back up plus make sure phone is fully charged in case. That gives her a bit of freedom but not the responsibility of her sibling

There is always trouble at one of the fairs in my town. Absolutely no way would I have a 12 yr old looking after a 10 yr old walking there either, let alone a 40 minute bus ride with 2 changes. What exactly are you going to do when one of them is sick of being told what to do by the other and walks off?

It's still weird that you're only acknowledging 1 of the children, is the 10 yr old not yours? Is he a sibling on her dad's side or something?

No way.
She’s too young to have the responsibility too of her younger brother.

Absolutely not.

Oh God, OP, no!

Even if nothing worse happens to them, what if they got separated? When I'm in crowded places (especially at night), I have to really watch to make sure I don't inadvertently lose sight of someone. The 10 year old might not like this sister bossing him around and deliberately go off on his own. If this happened, what would they do? They wouldn't know who to ask for help, or how to find each other again and they'd be wandering around in the dark, very distressed and very vulnerable...to attention from unpleasant people.

And then they're 40 mins bus journey away. Just think about the implications of that if they did lose each other at the fair.

And that's if they didn't experience much worse (sexual comments, leering, even being approached by dodgy people), theft, danger from some of the rides etc etc etc.

Giving adolescents a chance to develop confidence and independence is one thing....but at an evening fun fair 40 mins away, in charge of a younger sibling, is not the way to go.

Absolutely not. There can be some very creepy people both working at and attending funfairs. The good compromise is as already been suggested, take her but wait in the car or at a nearby cafe with coffee and a book, so you are nearby if she feels unsafe.

My friends dd was assaulted at the local fair, there can be trouble at fairs and absolutely no way I’d let young kids go on their own.

That is awful. I'm so glad you were ok. It's far too easy to pick up a small child or coerce them to go with a stranger. Just because it's unlikely doesn't mean there's still not a risk.

The others saying yes because they were fine are missing the point. THEY were fine because nothing happened to them, not everyone is as lucky so I don't know why you'd even take the chance. I remember being approached by adult creeps as young as 13 when I was out walking my dog.